


From "Sensei" to First Name

by Akrximay



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), BAMF Tsunade (Naruto), Fluff and Angst, I have no clue what other tags to use, Jiraiya - Freeform, M/M, Mentioned Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama, Minor Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Minor rock lee/might guy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akrximay/pseuds/Akrximay
Summary: Revised and rewritten Kakashi Sensei:After the 4th great Ninja war, life is well in Konoha, but Naruto cant seem to let his demons be. What happens when Naruto finds out about Kakashi's very last mission?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 85
Kudos: 146





	1. A Very Nice Imprisonment

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted over on FF and it was written when I was 14, it was super trash then but I've edited and revised it so it's not so fucking cringy. I tried to reread it after I finished writing it but I couldn't torture myself any more so if anyone finds errors just send them to me individually and I'll fix them. I'll be posting the rest of the chapters throughout the next coming week, enjoy and leave a comment!
> 
> ~May

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

Why is it that I’m the one that gets screwed even when things are supposed to be going my way?

A vacation from work is every person’s dream, right? I was so excited to not needing to do a damn thing. The key word there is “was.” I’m thinking that for two weeks I got to do whatever I wanted, like helping the villagers rebuild or visit my friends in the hospital or just take it easy for a day. That’s a normal vacation, but of course it wouldn’t be that easy. As soon as Baa-chan heard that it would take any normal person to heal the injuries I got in two months she declared that all of team 7 was not to do a damn thing for that amount of time.

Honestly, she even told Sasuke, who came back to help us defeat Madara at the very last push of the war, that he wasn’t allowed to do anything that she considered strenuous. He helped but hardly got a scratch on him!

I tilted my head back at the thought of Sasuke, remembering how the man just popped out of nowhere in the middle of the battlefield. He literally came smashing back into our lives, taking out most of the white Zetsu that the ninja alliance was fighting in that area. The ninja from the Leaf were ready to beat the shit out of him but I would always hear him out. He said that he had intel on how to defeat Madara and I believed him without a doubt. It turns out he was telling the truth.

Now after coming out alive from the war you’d think that two months of not being obligated to do anything sounds awesome, but in reality, it’s plain torture. Me being the kind of person that got bored veeery easily, always being occupied kept me from going crazy, so long story short all this comes back around to me being screwed, dying from boredom. With nothing to distract myself with, my demons are coming back to haunt me with all the free time. One of those said demons wouldn’t shut his fucking mouth.

“Kurama, there is nothing I can do about sitting here bored as all hell and you bitching isn’t helping in the least!” I told the beast. A ferocious growl was what I got in reply to that little remark and I could feel my lip pull into an involuntary snarl and a deep rumbling growl of my own was let loose at the other half of my soul.

 _“You can at least get off your ass! What could they possibly do to stop you?”_ Kurama responded, his words almost incomprehensible because they were so laced with anger.

“I’m not gonna accidently hurt my friends just because you’re being bitchy,” I told him in a very matter of fact voice.

 _“Yes, because I am the only one of the both of us that is frustrated with not doing anything at all. They have us in a cage. Such a wonderful thanks,”_ the fox replied with less anger and more resignation. Though he had a point about the whole “being in a cage”, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of telling him that.

There was silence after I refused to be goaded into another argument, which I realized a few days ago was Kurama’s way of getting some entertainment. A few minutes passed with Kurama settling down and me relaxing against the trunk of the tree I was leaning on, my eyes closed as I enjoyed the slight breeze passing through and ruffling my hair.

"Naruto," I heard the voice of the second demon that enjoyed plaguing me call out. That voice was unmistakable, seeing as I’d been hearing it call my name for years now, that and it was one of the only things that kept me going in the war. Well, that and ensuring its owner’s life and safety.

I opened my heavy eyes a bit drowsily, vision landing on the valley of the village, and then slowly turned my head to find the man that came to find me. He came sauntering up the hill to where I was lying at a leisure pace, though a sense of purpose hung around him. I noticed the small, unconscious, sway his hips gave as he walked and wondered how someone could possess so much grace and still managed to be manly.

"Hey Kakashi sensei," I spoke to acknowledge him and giving him a cue to tell me what he needed.

"Naruto, Tsunade-san wants to talk to you," he said strolling to a stop right in front of me.

I swear I heard what he said to me, but the way he looked held much more of my attention than the words he spoke to me did. He was too damn distracting! He was slightly flushed with the late summer heat and his pale arms were showing from below the elbow from fault of his rolled-up sleeves. His silver hair was blowing in the breeze and only the shortest hairs were sticking to the side of his face with the slight sheen of sweat he had. Suddenly an unbidden image of him without clothes, pinned under me popped into my head and I mentally slapped myself.

 _Fuckin quit Naru!_ I scolded myself harshly and pushed the image far into the unexplored territories of my mind. I heard Kurama snort at my self-scolding and held back the urge to tell the fox to fuck off.

"What does Baa-chan want?" I asked as I stood and walked over to the slightly taller man, stopping in front of him. He gave me a look filled with curiosity and quirked his eyebrow slightly as he scrutinized me. He seemed to not find what he was looking for as he cocked his head to the side and through his mask, I could see his lips pull into a doubtful expression. He seemed to let whatever thought he was having go as he rocked back onto the heels of his feet, stretching his arms high above his head.

"She said she wanted to talk to you about the village and about your imprisonment- I mean our vacation,” he told me. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes as he had a supposed slip of the tongue though the amused laziness in his voice was also clearly heard.

“Don’t act like you aren’t stir crazy too Kakash’ sensei,” I smartly replied to him, a smirk pulling at my lips as I watched him try to cover his slight annoyance.

He was also on “vacation” along with Sakura, Sai, Sasuke and me since **all** members of team 7 were ordered not to lift even a finger and it made the man all the more easily riled up. It was great! Thanks to Baa-chan overly taking care of team 7 because of some stupid idea that we did more than other ninja teams, we were all more irritable.

I lifted my arms to rest at the back of my neck and closed my eyes against the harsh sunlight as I tried to hide my satisfaction of making the ever calm Kakashi annoyed.

"Come on then Kakashi sensei, she wants to talk to all of us~" I said in a cheerful voice and immediately began flashing to Baa-chan's office, Kakashi sensei close behind me, it didn’t take long to get to her office at all.

It also never took long for me and her to get into an argument once Baa-chan and I were face to face.

"Naruto, this is final. Just stop arguing," Baa-chan sighed. I could only guess that she knew this was coming but had hoped for the best, though she should have known better, this was me we were talking about.

"It's only been a week and a half and I'm dying! What am I going to do for another month and 2 and a half weeks? I’m going to rot away!" I practically yelled, now pacing the length of the office floor.

“Naruto, you’re so fucking dramatic,” Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes. Sakura gave him a displeased look and turned back to me, walking over with a gentle smile.

"Naruto, you don't have to get so worked up,” the bubblegum pink haired woman told me, placing a hand on my tense shoulder and forced me to stop my pacing.

"Why do I have to be locked up like an animal? Kyuubi and I don't like!" I told her, my frustration very, very clear.

"It's for your own good, Naruto. Your wounds aren’t healed yet," Sai said in his nonchalant way; he had been silent until this point.

“I’m totally fine! I don’t know why everyone is acting like I’m going to die with a little bit of moving around!” I told them trying to get them to see reason.

“You aren’t fine, you don’t know how your body will react to the mixing of Kyuubi’s chakara and yours,” Tsunade explained on a tired sigh.

“How does that even make any fucking sense? Kyuubi and I have been fine for longer than two weeks, if something was going to happen it would have happened already,” I said, the anger bubbling faster and raising in my blood.

"Sasuke just spar with me," I told the man trying to goad him into blowing off some steam. That hope was readily killed when Baa-chan quickly shot down the idea.

"No Naruto! That goes against what all the Kage ordered you to do. You are to not do anything strenuous to your body whatsoever. That includes training, sparring, using your ninjutsu, using your taijutsu, running around like an idiot or helping with the reconstruction of the village. If I find out that you aren’t listening, I’ll have you on leave even longer.” Baa-san clearly laid out what I couldn’t do, which was everything.

“What reconstruction, they’re practically finished,” Sasuke mumbled under his breath, obviously not happy with the situation either. I childishly crossed my arms over my chest as I huffed myself down on the windowsill of one of the few open windows in the office.

“Like I give a shit what all the Kage said, I don’t think you get that the longer Kyuubi and I don’t do anything the worse it gets!”

At this point I really did feel like a caged animal and as the last remaining Junjuriki, I did not like feeling caged. Kurama liked it even less since he was already locked inside me, he said in not so many words that he did not appreciate the restriction of our power and energy.

“Naruto orders are orders. We don’t get what you’re talking about, but you haven’t been yourself since the war,” Sakura said in her still calm voice.

"You all aren't the ones feeling like a prisoner in your own home! Kyuubi and me are the same now, what he feels I feel and reverse. This shit is ridiculous, you’re just scared that Kyuubi will take over. Like I can’t control myself or Kyuubi. Just fuck off already," I growled out angrily, disappearing off the sill I was sitting on to go calm down. Maybe I went a little overboard, but they’ve never listened to what I wanted and apparently even saving the entire ninja world didn’t change that.

What I didn’t hear was the short conversation that happened after I left:

"Well, that could have gone better," Kakashi said with a sigh. He raked his fingers through his hair as he tilted his head back, closing his eyes at the feeling of exhaustion creeping up on him from having to deal with Naruto’s anger.

"That idiot, he didn't even stay to hear what I needed to tell him," Tsunade said as she huffed out an irritated breath. She was pretty proud that she was able to keep her temper down in the face of Naruto’s tantrum; it would have been a disaster if she’d blown her whistle. They would have to rebuild the village for a second time.

"Master, I’ll go get the idiot,” Sakura said already stepping towards the window.

"Let him be Sakura, Kakashi sensei can handle it. Let’s go," Sasuke told her as he took her hand softly and they both flashed from the room to thoroughly enjoy their vacation.

Kakashi managed to see the flustered look on Sakura’s face just before they left and couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at his lips. The girl still wasn’t used to Sasuke’s affections, but he was happy for them. Kakashi and Tsunade sighed almost in unison at the antics of the youths, shaking their heads at them. Sai watched silently for a few seconds before he quickly fled the room not wanting to get caught up in the mess. He was enjoying his down time and did not have to deal with Naruto trying to get him to break direct orders by sparring.

"Well Kakashi, it looks like you’ll have to drag the brat back here. You already know where he went," Tsunade told the Jounin with an expectant look. The silver haired man rolled his eyes at her and started making his way to the hospital room he knew Naruto would be in.

*_ (Room 314) _*

“I can’t do this shit anymore; I’m dying!” I said, throwing myself across the back of the armchair to see the world upside down.

“What is it now Naruto?” the man I came to see asked me. I twisted my body to fall into the lap of the chair and rightened myself to look at the injured man.

“Baa-san won’t let me do anything! She won’t even listen to what I have to say and she said if she so much as catches word that I went against what she said that she would continue to extend my so called vacation,” I grouched to him and he turned to look at me with a wide grin, the asshole enjoying my pain to the fullest.

“Naruto, she’s always been like that. There is no changing her now,” Jiraiya told me as he fiddled around with the sheets pooling in his lap.

"Pervy Sage, you don’t know how hard it is!" I told the sannin who showed up more than half dead a few days after the war was over. I remember Sakura pulling me out of my hospital bed in a rush, still hopped up on some kind of pain medicine that made me disoriented and shoved me into a room full of doctors along with Baa-san. Then they started yelling at me that I shouldn’t be out of bed when I didn’t even know what the hell was going on. After that, one of the nurses that was blocking my view of the bed moved and all of my dizziness and confusion was gone.

It took Baa-san yelling at me to “get out before he really did die this time,” for me to stop fighting the doctors as I was trying to get to the bed where he laid unconscious. All I could register was that he was alive and that he was home, though I didn’t know how he got here, but it didn’t matter.

"Really Naruto? I don’t know how hard it is not being able to do anything?" Pervy Sage asked as he turned to me with a serious look on his face. All I could do was look at him with a guilty expression as I realized my mistake.

"I can't even leave my hospital bed to see all the beautiful women who are waiting for me!" He added onto the end of his serious comment and all I could do was give him an exasperated sigh and a shake of my head at his stupidity.

"Why did I think you were actually being serious? I thought you were gonna say something like, ‘Oh Naruto, I know how hard it is not being able to do anything because I’m bed bound for, like, the next year?’” I asked him as he guffawed at me, hurting himself in the process.

“That’s what you get for laughing at me,” I told him with a manly pout.

"Haha-ow-ahha don’t be a brat,” he told me as he tried to stop himself from laughing while holding his broken and sore ribs. I stuck my tongue out at him and smirked with a bit of satisfaction that he was in pain.

“Okay, okay Naruto what is sooo hard that you’re dying?" Jiraiya asked as he wiped tears, of laughter or pain I didn’t know or care, from his eyes.

"Not being able to do a damn thing!” I immediately answered his question with frustration. He looked me dead in the eyes and stared quietly for a bit. It was weird for him to be serious about something and I started to feel uncomfortable under his gaze, I will never again admit, but I squirmed.

“Is it only because you’re bored, or is it something else?” he asked calmly and with an unnatural amount of seriousness.

“Of course, it’s because I’m bored,” I said looking away a bit guiltily because deep down I knew what was really bothering me.

"Right Naru, because I haven’t known you since you were born or anything," he said rolling his eyes. He leaned back on the mountain of pillows behind him as he got comfortable to stare me down.

"Oyaji no one thinks you’re smart, don’t do that,” I basically whined, still looking away from the man that was my only family.

"Fuckin’ brat. Now let me tell you what I think is wrong, since you have nothing to keep you occupied and keep your mind off of things you’ve deemed as “too complicated,” you now have all the spare time to think about those said things and it’s bugging you,” he said, nailing the problem at its heart.

I still didn’t look at the man, letting the silence fill the air because once I looked, I knew that my verbal answer didn’t matter anymore. My silence was answer enough for the both of us, telling Jii-san exactly what he needed to know.

"Naruto let’s make a bet~” he suddenly sang in an unusual voice, the mood of seriousness evaporating. I was instantly suspicious, my blue eyes swung around to lock onto his mischievous gleamed ones and I knew this was about to get embarrassing, and fast.

“What is it Oyaji?” I asked him only out of curiosity that I unmistakably got from Kurama.

“I bet that I can guess exactly what is bothering you in one word and you have to bring me Ichiraku’s ramen when I win. The hospital food here tastes like shit,” he added the jab at the end of his explanation.

"Was it that obvious?" I asked him in a soft, defeated voice not even needing him to take his guess.

“Don’t be that way, be a good sport and take the bet. I can’t stand this hospital food anymore!” he exclaimed in despair. He shook his head, white hair swinging side to side, as he covered his face at the thought of having to eat another of those meals. I couldn’t help but laugh at the poor guy. I couldn’t stand the meals here either for the few days I was admitted for chakra depletion, the irony of that illness for me was striking.

“I’ll bring you the damn ramen, you don’t have to make a bet with me to get some,” I told him in between my laughter.

“Though those things are supposed to be good for you. I asked Sakura one time why they couldn’t make the food taste better and she said that it was infused with charka and apparently it makes the food taste like shit,” I told him as I swung my legs back and forth from the windowsill I was sitting on.

"Well I don’t give a shit, I don’t want to eat it anymore and to answer your question, it’s not that obvious…to anyone who doesn’t spend 5 minutes in the same room with the both of you,” he jabbed at me.

"Jii-saaaaaaaaaaan, that doesn't help at all!" I practically whined, throwing my head back and tossed my legs out from under me as I kept a tight grip on the sill I was sitting on as to not lose my balance.

“Did you know you talk to yourself a lot, especially in your sleep? I can quote everything you “loooove” about your precious Kakashi. 'Oh, Kakashi's voice is the sweetest,’ ‘Oh Kakashi is soooo smart,’ ‘Oh Kakashi looks so cute when he reads your porn!’” he said in a high pitched, shrill voice that didn’t sound a fucking thing like me.

I grabbed a throw pillow from the chair I had been sitting on earlier and chucked the thing at the sannin pretty fucking hard. Jiraiya took it straight in the face seeing as he couldn't move much and while he was pulling the thing away from his eyes, I quickly stood up on the windowsill, tensed and ready to jump out.

"I'll see ya Pervy sage, Kakash' sensei is coming this way and I don’t want to be in the same room as him. I don’t think I could take hearing his oh so sweet voice," I said the last bit dreamily just to give us both a good laugh. With that I flashed away just as I heard the doorknob to the hospital room open. It was a good thing I inherited my father speed and had Kurama’s senses.

*_(*)_*

_My hand pulled down the mask slowly and I gave an appreciative once over at the beautiful yet manly face underneath my caressing hand._

_His high cheek bones and pale, flawless skin was to die for and his plump lips that were just a shade pink from him biting them were parted. I moved my hand just a bit higher and moved his headband away to reveal his sharingan eye; the mix of its deep red and other's stormy gray was mesmerizing to me._

_I cupped his face with my hands, and he didn't move away but there was hesitance, uncertainty and the slightest bit of fear evident in his eyes. Kakashi Hatake was scared? He should never be scared and especially of me. Didn't he know I love him? Didn’t he know that I, Naruto Uzumaki, would do anything for the man that I have loved for many years now?_

_I leaned my forehead onto his and stared into his eyes before I spoke._

_"Kakashi, I’m going to kiss you so if you don't feel the same way, you need to tell me now," I told him in a voice just above a whisper, my eyes holding his for a few long seconds before slipping down to watch his tongue move over his full lips._

_His hands came up to grip onto my biceps, but he didn't move away, and that small action and inaction were enough confirmation for me. I closed the small gap between us and captured those plump lips that mended perfectly with my own. My hands gripped lightly onto his hips and pulled him closer to my own body; he relaxed and practically melted against me._

_He sighed happily against me and gave a small groan when I nipped his bottom lip asking for entrance. It was the sexiest thing I’d heard in my life to that point and I gave a low growl in return, curtsy of Kyuubi._

_I sensually invaded his mouth as his opened his lips to invite me in. I was trying my damnedest to get more of his sweet taste, to memorize it. He gave a quiet moan this time as explored his mouth, his tongue tangling with mine and my hands wandering to grope him carefully. His hands kneaded at my chest, rubbing against me and exciting me more as I tried to deepen the kiss further. He wrapped his arms around my neck as one of his hands played with the ends of my hair; he was standing on his tippy toes just to be able to reach._

_He rolled his hips and ground his erection against mine, the friction sweet causing me to pull away catching his eyes and stared at him with lusty eyes that he was reciprocating just as well. His breathing was slightly labored and he had a slight blush across the bridge of his nose that made me want to eat him up._

_"Kakashi," I called out to him in a low voice that I hardly recognized as my own._

_"Please Naruto, I know I'm wrong for wanting my old student but I want you so bad," he said to me in an equally low voice and I growled angrily at him for the words._

_I latched our lips together again in a rougher kiss meant to punish him for his words. I overtook him easily as I pushed my tongue to claim his mouth and my teeth nipping his lip almost hard enough to break the skin, almost._

_“Don’t you **ever,** say that about yourself again. Everyone can go fuck themselves if they find us wrong,” I told him after I pulled away to catch a bit of my breath and allowing him to breathe. He nodded his head in understanding and slowly moved his lips to barely graze against my ear._

_“Did you not hear the part where I said I want you so bad that it’s almost killing me?” He asked me and I couldn’t help but tilt my head back, a groan leaving me._

_With those words I flashed us to my apartment with the speed that, during the war, dubbed me the 'Legacy Yellow flash of Konoha'. The apartments were newly constructed and seeing as I outgrew the old one, I now lived in one of the nicest apartments in the village. Though we could care less about how nice the apartment was as soon as I shut the door and was pressing Kakashi against it. He was clutching at my clothes and pulling off my orange jacket which was already unzipped because of the summer heat._

_Soon his shirt had disappeared, and his pants followed the Houdini act and Kakashi himself was pressed into my mattress with my naked body holding him down. I was pressing kisses and nipping down his thin neck while he lightly raked his nails through my scalp and down my back while his hips bucked into mine. I snaked my way down his body and gave his erection a swift, experimental lick that caused his breath to hitch and his eyes to watch me adamantly._

_"Naruto, either stop teasing or just get inside me already," Kakashi demanded in a sexy and surprisingly needy voice. I glanced up at him through my mouthful of his cock, giving another suck that had him throwing his head back in pleasure as his grip on the sheets was strong enough to rip the poor things._

_"I don't want to hurt you Kakashi," I told him as I looked up into his beautiful mismatched eyes._

_"You will be the one hurting if you don't hurry the hell up," the older nin said between gritted teeth as he threw his head back and forth in pleasure._ _I stopped the movements of my fingers that were currently stretching and giving the silver haired man a torturous pleasure._

_When had they been put in?_

_Pulling my fingers away from Kakashi, I hiked his milky, mile long legs around my waist after I straightened myself to fit in between them. I searched for Kakashi’s eyes and was happy when he opened them, curious at my pause in actions. His mismatched eyes caught my blue ones in an instantly and a small, confident smirk pulled at his lips as he spread himself wider across the bed like he was waiting for me to serve him-his body. I was more than happy to oblige as I felt myself jolt at his sexy, confident visage._

_I pressed myself against Kakashi's entrance, never breaking eye contact with the other, while I slowly pushed into him. I clenched my jaw in an attempt to control myself as I felt his tightness and his pretty eyes fluttered closed as a moan fell from his lips while he tilted his head back. He was so beautiful, and he was only letting me see this side of him. That singular thought caused my arousal to spike and my member give another jolt of pleasure._

_"Naruto, move," Kakashi groaned. I watched his face for any indication pain and could only find his expectant and impatient eyes staring at me._

_I pulled out and pushed back in slowly, savoring the feel of my long-admired sensei's body. His back arched in pleasure and his chest pressed against mine. One of his hands was still clutching the sheets like they owed him money but his other one flew to grab perches on my shoulder as if he trying to ground himself to reality._

_I continued the slow, torturous pace testing out the waters and making sure I didn’t hurt my lover while Kakashi was thrusting back onto me trying to get me in deeper without abandon._

_"Harder! Please Naru~" Kakashi practically begged as he was pinned under my weight and was immobilized from thrusting back against me by my hands on his hips._

_Never once in his life had the beautiful Copy ninja ever begged, but it seemed to fall from his lips as if second nature when he was begging me to fuck him the way he loved it._

_Who was I to refuse the man what he wanted when he asked in such a nice way? So I was quick to please my new lover, pulling out slowly I quickly snapped my hips forward with great force._ _Kakashi cried out my name as I began an almost punishing pace, making sure to hit my lover’s pleasure spot with every thrust of my hips._

_It was a mighty good thing that the hero of the village got his own apartment far from any neighbors, because if he had any all of Konoha would know of this by lunch time tomorrow._

_"Ah! Naruto!" Kakashi moaned out loudly when I gave a particularly hard thrust directly to his prostate. His nails bit into the flesh of my back and the pain made the pleasure all the sweeter and it was bringing out my more possessive and animalistic side._

_"Kakashi, just like that; scream my name just like that. No one is going to hear you but me,” I husked into his ear._

_“You’re mine,” I growled to him, the sound coming out feral and possessive._

_"Yes! I’m yours Naruto!" He cried out when I bit the junction of his shoulder and neck, not hard enough to break skin or hurt him, but I needed to let out this swelling in my chest. I thrust harder and faster into him, his legs were wrapped around my waist tightly and I was now hovering over him and putting all my strength into giving him pleasure._

_I wrapped my hand around his erection and pumped him to the pace I set, once again having that sweet voice cry out for me. I pounded him straight into the mattress, again and again even after the first three times Kakashi came, and I yet to release. I wanted this to last; I wanted to make sure Kakashi knew just who he belonged to._

_"N-naruto, please... I just want you- ngh!" he bit his lip as he came again. I stilled for him to catch his breath because though he was beautiful, he did look exhausted._

_"I want you to fill me already," he finished his sentence between harsh pants and his deep red and stormy grey eyes were staring into my lust darkened, blue eyes._

_I wanted to make him mine forever and I can't hold out with those eyes looking at me like that. I flipped our position, to have him straddling my lap, and thrust up making sure to hit his prostate dead on._

_"Ah! More," he said barely above a whisper with his head thrown back in pleasure and exhaustion. I could tell he was ready to pass out, but he held on for my sake and was even asking for more, and more I gave._

_Soon I had Kakashi bouncing on my lap, my hands gripping his hips as his voice cried out wantonly. He was thrusting back as much as he could; dropping as much of his weight back as my hands allowed and soon he came again. This time when his channel constricted around me the pressure became too much and I lost all control._

_I bit down hard, unable to curve the action, into the shoulder that was presented to me when I gave him what he wanted. I made sure to grind my member straight into his prostate as my load also struck the oversensitive bundle inside him when I buried myself deep. It had become too much for the Copy nin when I made sure to ride out our orgasms with more pleasure. After a few breaths Kakashi tilted his chin down to look at me and only managed to give me a quick, endearingly sweet kiss before slumping onto my chest, falling asleep within seconds._

_I was panting from the strength of my orgasm and was running my fingers through Kakashi's silver hair as my lover peacefully slept on my chest._

_"I guess I'll tell you I love you when you wake up." Naruto said lovingly towards the sleeping ninja, who smiled slightly in his sleep._

Suddenly I jerked awake as I felt someone shaking my shoulder urgently. I quickly blinked the sleepiness out of my eyes to see who woke me when I came face with a single storm grey eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told yall this shit was trashy xD


	2. A Quiet Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter. Thank you to every one who left a comment on the first chapter, I think I replied to everyone but if I didnt get to yours yet, thank you for you're nice words. This update is thanks to those who did comment and two of my friends that are reading this too. I've rewritten this story so many time I'm done with it like I told you guys before, I hate it but I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. Please comment, like and enjoy!

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

Shutting the door behind me, I let loose an exhausted sigh. I turned to look warily at the door that I just exited from and glared lightly at the innocent numbers that read 314.

I was able to finally escape from my elder’s hospital room, since the man finally tired himself out and could no longer continue talking. The sedatives the nurse gave him to calm down also helped. The sannin was going way over the top to keep me busy and I could only imagine he did it to give Naruto time to escape; it was overkill though, seeing as the man kept me with him for three hours.

I leisurely made my way down the hall and out of the hospital to begin my search for my student again, not minding that it had been quite a bit of time since Tsunade sent me out to find him. She knew very well how Jiraiya and Naruto were and was most likely not expecting me to return with the boy today anyhow, but I was determined to deliver him to the Hokage if for nothing else but to satisfy my boredom and to irritate the blond that always seemed to make his way into my mind.

I began a mental list of all the places the boy liked to lounge around when I realized that Naruto really didn’t lounge much. When he was younger, he would always be causing mischief around town and after he began his ninja training he was up from dawn to dusk working on honing his skills. It was soon after that when he started his journey with Jiraya-san so in short Naruto wasn’t the type to sit around in a favored spot and do nothing. Well, unless he was cooped up in his beloved apartment but seeing as that got destroyed in the attack on the village and he was not yet accustomed to his new dwellings, I crossed his new apartment out of the possible places he would be.

I also doubted the man would be under the tree on the Hokage Mountain overseeing the valley again. Naruto could be an idiot sometimes, but he was actually very smart, and he knew that would be the first place I would search for him. I sighed again as I strolled to a stop, closing my eyes in thought I didn’t realize when my hand had come up to cradle my chin in a pensive pose.

“Why if it isn’t Kakashi sensei, what do you look so troubled about?” a soft voice called out to me. I turned around to find Hinata gazing on me with curious and patient eyes, a basket hanging in the crook of her arm with a few items in it.

“Ah, hello Hinata-chan; I was just thinking about where I could find one of my troublesome students,” I told her, taking the basket from her and offered her my other arm. She wove her thin arm through my proffered one and we walked around finishing the bit of shopping she had to do.

“Well if it’s Sasuke or Sakura you’re looking for, I saw the both of them looking pretty happy around the river a while ago. If it’s Naruto you’re looking for I haven’t seen him since yesterday, but I have a pretty good idea where he might be,” she told me as we walked on.

“Do you? I’ve been thinking of where I could find him, but I was coming up empty with any possible places,” I told her. She quickly paid a merchant at one of the stands in the market and turned back to me with a smile and placed what she’d just bought in the basket I held.

“If he isn’t on top of Hokage Mountain and if he isn’t at his apartment there’s only one other place I could think of. He’d be in the small meadow above the waterfall not too far outside of the village. Apparently, he’s taken a liking to water and a quiet place to nap and he recently discovered the spot,” she said with a smile and a quiet giggle at my surprised reaction to hearing the news.

“I actually had something I had to tell him before I lose the courage to, so do you think you could tell him I was looking for him?” she asked as we pulled to a stop in front of her family’s estate.

I quietly eyed her, wondering what it was she had to tell the blond, and already having a sneaking suspicion as to what it was. Though I was praying that I was wrong, I could feel a knot settling in the pit of my stomach.

“I see, well seeing as that once I find him it will take a bit of convincing to come with me to see Tsunade again I’ll probably have to bribe him with some ramen. How about you meet us at Ichiraku’s in about an hour for some lunch as a thank you for the information?” I asked her politely.

I watched her tilt her face up to look me in the eye and we stood silently for a few seconds as she seemed to search for something in my expression. She quickly pulled herself back to reality and shook her head slightly, unwinding her arm from mine and pulling away.

“It’s fine Kakashi sensei I’m sure you’ll be in a hurry to see Tsunade once you find Naruto. Just telling him that I was looking for him is enough,” she told me, and I could sense that she was starting to lose that bit of courage she was talking about earlier.

“Alright then Hinata-chan, if you change your mind and your courage comes back to you, we’ll be at Ichiraku’s,” I said as I handed her the basket.

Her doe grey eyes widened a bit as she watched me thank her and leave to find Naruto. It just so happened that I knew that spot very well and my feet were already taking the quickest route, which happened to be the one I’d taken many times before.

I thought back to Hinata and my heart fluttered slightly in my chest at the thought of whatever she had to tell Naruto. I glared at the path in front of me and shook my head slightly at the thoughts. It did no good in thinking about something I had no control over, even if I didn’t like the idea of Hinata meeting with Naruto. It was a good thing that she declined my invitation in hind’s sight.

I pulled to a stop as I arrived at the edge of a grove of trees just before the meadow at the edge of where the waterfall’s cliff face opens up. I walk through the trees as I searched for the noticeable head of blond hair and finally spotted the person who I’d been looking for. I watched the boy for a bit as I slowly made my way over to him.

He’d chosen to fall asleep in one of my favored spots in the village and seeing him sleeping peacefully was doing strange things to my heart. His golden hair glittered in the warm sunlight with the mist from the waterfall he was by, and the dancing of his hair resembled the dancing of my heart.

He blended perfectly into the landscape; it was as though it was made to fit him instead of the other way around. He lay completely still while he slept, the only thing breaking the illusion of statuesque was the rise and fall of his chest. The small animals that took perches in the peaceful place were calmly walking about, going on with their lives around Naruto. As I got closer to him, I could hear him mumbling to himself and found it oddly endearing that he still spoke in his sleep. I shook my head partly in amusement and partly to get those kinds of thoughts away from the forefront of my mind

He was lying face down on the grassy cliff, hanging above the plunge pool that the waterfall created. His head cradled in the crook of his arm, and it seemed that he had nuzzled into it pretty well. I heard him groan as I strolled to a stop in front of his form and was instantly curious.

I crouched down to his side and shook my head at how easily anyone could walk up to the man while he was asleep. I guess some things will never change and I wouldn't want to be denied the serene air about him, so I won't complain.

Though as I looked closer at him, I noticed something was not right. He had a light sheen of sweat on his skin, and his brows were drawn slightly. He had a flush on his cheeks that had me slightly worried and he looked all round like he was in discomfort. I moved my hand to shake him awake but stopped as I heard him mumble something.

"I don't want to hurt you..." his sentence trailed off as he nuzzled his face further into his arm.

He didn’t want to hurt someone. Was he dreaming of the war? We all knew he was traumatized by it, though he never said or let anyone know and always brushed off our questions. There were things he saw that he probably would never speak of out loud, but I at least would want him to trust me enough to tell me he was having nightmares. It always helped to have someone to talk to and I wanted to be there for him just like he was there for me during the war.

"Scream... No one is going to..." He mumbled out again. My worry for him grew as I heard those words and the following groan that came from him and the need to wake him up was too much. He seemed uncomfortable and I didn’t want him to have to suffer through more painful memories, though something in his voice gave me pause but when he groaned again, much louder this time and I didn’t hesitate any longer.

I shook his shoulder a bit to try to wake him, but he only shifted his body a bit and his breathing picked up speed as it was now coming out in small huffs. I tried again to wake him but still the same result, and then I finally called out to him shaking his shoulder with a bit of urgency. He moved too quick for me to react.

I felt his hand wrap tightly around my neck as I was yanked to the side, my back slamming into the floor as he pressed his weight down into me. I stayed calm, trying my hardest to not react out of pure instinct to the man’s action, especially when his eyes were glowing red, the irises flickering between shapes. I waited as he was coming back to his senses, his breath was starting to low down and the bright red that flooded his eyes was slowly starting to fade.

When he saw that I wasn’t resisting the suffocating grip he had on my neck loosened and he shook his head in what looked like confusion, or maybe he was trying to shake off the images of whatever he’d been dreaming about. He turned to looked down at me, his usually bright, sky blue eyes were darker and swirled with emotion I’d never seen in him before.

The little breath I’d been able to catch when he loosened his grip was definitely escaping my lungs again as he stared at me as though he wanted to devour my very being, and a hard shiver went down my spine. It wasn’t the look I was expecting to be receiving after I’d been violently pinned to the floor, but the look was swept away in an instant and recognition gleamed in his eyes.

"Kakashi sensei?" he asked in a husky sleep deepened voice, his hand releasing me all together but hovered in the air between our bodies. I bit the inside of my lip under my mask to hold down anything that was not supposed to leave my mouth and I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath to clear my mind and gathered my thoughts.

"Naruto?" I asked him confused at his reaction but knowing it was a mistake on my part. I’m not sure what kind of answer I was looking for when I called his name like that, but I felt like I needed to hear something from the man. His eyes widened in shock as he really looked at me and was fully aware of what he’d done.

“Kakash’ sensei I’m so sorry!” the young man cried out as he pulled me up to be sitting next to him rather than still lying on my back. I rubbed my neck where his hand had been a few seconds ago, felling the ache at the now tender skin and the thought of his strength passed through my mind.

“It’s fine Naruto,” I told him trying to calm him as he started floundering around trying to find more words to make a million more apologizes like the ones spilling from his lips weren’t enough. I laughed a bit at my naivety from earlier, it wasn’t that Naruto was easy to approach without the man noticing it was just that there was not much that was a threat to the man now.

“Naru, calm down. It’s really fine,” I told him in a soothing voice, hoping to get the man to relax and we could move on from what happened.

“Kakashi sensei, your neck is bruising already, what do you mean that it’s fine?” he exclaimed, and I huffed at the man, remembering that he always made a big deal out of everything.

“How about you listen to what I have to say, and we call it even,” I told him hoping that it was enough to get the other to relax.

He studied me for a second before nodding and I watched him as he sighed out a huge breath as he seemed to be trying to calm his breathing down and I presumed his heart as well. I know when I wake from a nightmare my heart pounds so hard, I think it’ll jump out of my chest, I can’t imagine getting a scare like the one I gave him.

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to scare you, but it looked like you were having a nightmare, so I was trying to wake you up,” I explained my intention to him, and his face flushed.

He shouldn’t be embarrassed from getting a nightmare, it happens to everyone and when I told him, so he only flushed brighter.

"ANYWAY! What are you doing all the way out here?" he asked quickly to get away from what I was trying to tell him is a perfectly natural thing. He shifted his weight onto both elbows, distributing the weight off of his elbow that was stacked beneath his shoulder to hold his weight when he moved earlier, he was still lying on his stomach but now in a more alert and awake position and state of mind.

"I was looking for you actually," I told him as I watched the slightly confused face gaze at me with even more curiosity and something else in his eyes that I couldn’t quiet place. He didn't say anything, only waited for me to continue.

"Tsunade has some more things she needs to talk to you about and since you took off, she didn’t get the chance to tell you what she really wanted to see you about. She asked me to come get you," I explained the situation hoping that reasoning with him would be enough to convince the young man to cooperate.

He pouted at hearing what I had to say, his fist coming up to support his chin that he plopped right onto its newfound support in a huff. He really was cute when he pouted and sulked, it brought out his youth that he tried to cover up sometimes, though the fact that he was a man despite his age of 19 was indisputable.

"I don't wanna see Baa-chan. She’s just gonna say some more shit that I don't wanna hear," he mumbled childishly. I chuckled and stood up and pinned him with an amused look as I stared down at him.

"Come on, I'll buy you some ramen on the way so you can stop pouting," I brought out my trump card, knowing that food was the surefire way to get him to comply. He huffed out a breath even as he stood himself up and crossed his muscled roped arms over his broad chest, the pout still firmly set into his features.

 _Why does him pouting have to be hot?_ I wondered to myself. I let my eyes roved over his well tone body, that he was very kindly showing off, to examine him.

He had forgone his usual orange outfit; the jacket was long gone as was his black over shirt and the only thing covering his upper body was his black fishnet shirt. His chiseled chest could be seen very evidently through the gaps of the shirt and gave a very teasing site. His legs were adorned with light blue jeans, which ninja rarely used because of their constricting movement, clung to his hips and thighs for dear life.

"Fine, but only because I'm hungry," he said and walked past me. I turned and followed him, and it gave me a good chance to watch his ass as he walked and me, being ever the opportunist, took it gladly.

"Come on 'Kashi, you aren't backing out of paying now, are you?" he threw the question over his shoulder as he noticed I was lagging behind him. I chuckled and caught up with him easily, our trip back to the village a short and pleasant one.

We held a nice conversation, even if he was trying to tease me, and it only ended up with more pouting on his end and amused chuckling from my end. I caught the sly smile that passed over his lips after he caught a glance of me laughing and knew he was enjoying himself. After a few minutes passed with this nice and refreshing atmosphere I found myself, unbiddenly and suddenly, wondering if I should tell Naruto my feelings for him.

I scolded my subconscious for suddenly springing the idea into my conscious mind since now I couldn’t push it out of my mind. This was obviously not the first time the thought had crossed my mind and had wondered over various points in time throughout the war if I should tell the youth the truth. I didn't want to die, as I was positive, I was going to at that time not having told him how I felt but I also didn't want to be the one to place another burden on his shoulders. No one really thought he could handle any more weight on his shoulders.

There was also another problem with me telling him how I felt, I've always been very reserved. I was never one to voice how I feel or what I am thinking. I didn’t want people to be able to easily read my emotions because I’ve always struggled with them myself, and that was the very reason I began to wear my mask. Naruto and I were very different, and that itself was another problem.

The uncertainty of being Naruto’s complete opposite in every way also kept me from saying anything to him. Where he was expressive, I was reserved, where he was the center of attention, I always in the shadows. He was so young and deserved a life of happiness and a family, and I’d always worried that with me, he couldn't achieve those things.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I noticed we had stopped and Hinata was standing in front of us, slightly out of breath and looking like she wanted to say something.

“Hello again Hinata-chan, it looks like you reconsidered my invitation for lunch,” I told her kindly, trying to abandon my previous thoughts in the very back of my mind.

“Ah, y-yes Kakashi sensei, what you told me reminded me that I should just come out and say what I have to say,” she answered me but was looking directly at Naruto who was confused and had his head tilted in curiosity.

"Umm, Naruto I've wanted to tell you this for, well, for a while now and I think you've figured it out already but I feel like I have to say it anyways,” she started to ramble a bit as it seemed like she was trying to hold onto her courage.

All I could do was watch in silent anticipation as the uneasiness from earlier came back tenfold and took a hold of my heart. 

_Please don't confess Hinata. Please don't. I don't think I'll be able to handle another person be taken away from me._ I thought to myself as I shut my eyes, neither one of the two were looking in my direction anyways.

If Hinata were to confess, I have no doubt Naruto would accept and return her feelings and then the small bit of hope I held stupidly in my heart would die a bloody death that would leave a gaping hole for a long time to come.

"I love you Naruto and I wanted to ask if you would be my boyfriend," she said, her voice a lot stronger than I thought it would be as she clutched to her shirt, but with a determined expression set firmly on her face. Naruto looked at her in shock for a few seconds as silence passed between the three of us and then a warm smile spread across his face as he looked at her with compassion.

With that look on his face, I knew to recognize the moment I lost, even though I was never really in the running to begin with. I knew it was just a bit of selfishness on my part, but I wanted to give myself an illusion that he could have been mine. I closed my eyes to try and compose myself as a silent sigh left me. Opening my eyes, I looked at the two of them again and spoke before I heard anything leave Naruto’s mouth because I couldn’t take hearing the words themselves.

“Congratulations you two, I hope everything turns out for the best between you. Naruto go see Tsunade eventually, I'll tell her something came up today and I'll buy you Ichiraku's another time. Bye Hinata-chan," I said before I flashed away.

*_(*)_*

 _I guess_ _it's for the best_ _. I was never going to be able to be with Naruto anyways._ I thought to myself for seemed like the millionth time in the past couple of hours.

 _Plus, with this new mission there was no way I was going to be able to tell him anyway. This is just saving me a heartbreak._ I thought again as I tossed back another cup of sake. I’d been sitting in the quiet corner of a bar for the past couple of hours after informing Tsunade of my acceptance of the mission and telling her that I couldn’t get a hold of Naruto.

I sighed again for myself but allowed a small smile to pull across my lips. I was truly happy that Naruto would finally be able to attain the happiness in life he should have received from the beginning of his 19 years. I was used to having to give things up for the sake of others and though it was bittersweet, I could give up my illusion of being with him for his own sake. I would never give up my love for him but I’m more than willing to give up my happiness for his.

I tossed back another cup of sake and went to refill the cup but was interrupted when I sensed another strong ninja in the area. I watched the doors quietly and soon enough Gai appeared through the doors of the bar. He scanned the area for a few seconds before spotting me in my dimly lit corner and came to sit next to me. He said nothing for a few minutes as he watched me toss back another two cups of sake before he looked me in the eyes. He turned his head down sadly to look at the bar counter instead of at me.

I knew he’d come for some answers about my decision on the mission. All the Jounin knew about the pending S rank and I’m sure the news had spread through all of them already.

"I'm guessing you heard?" I asked him as he sat there quietly. He finally raised his head and was able to hold my eye.

"You're just going to agree to this?" he asked a bit angrily. I watched him try to keep his own emotions in check, though I’d always wondered what he got so worked up about. I knew he always wanted what was best for his friends, going as far as almost sacrificing himself during the war to save as many lives as possible, but this was my decision.

"What else can I do Gai? This is what’s best for the village that every ninja here, and the ones who are gone, fought to protect. I don’t see a reason not to go through with this," I told him as I held eye contact with him.

I could see the anger build within him and quickly drank down another cup of sake to try to ignore his coming outburst. I knew he thought this was unfair, but I was truly okay with this. If ever I could make someone happy then I’d see my life as having some purpose.

"Maybe because you’re in fucking love with someone, and you don’t really want to give him up. How about because you don't want to do it? Or maybe even, because you don’t **have** to do it," he said through gritted teeth. He glared at me with a fierce passion that I couldn’t really place in my slightly dazed mind.

"Mmm, okay then tell me who else is going to do it if I don’t. I’m not going to stand for anyone else going through with this. I won’t let any one of our students do it, or any of the Jounin because, I know everyone has feelings for others. I will not make them give that up. I’m going to go through with this mission because I know what sacrificing the people closest to you feels like and I will not let someone else go through that feeling,” I told him with the slightest bit of heat to my voice, but mostly I was just tired.

“I knew I was never going to be with Naruto and at least like this I am still being useful to my village," I explained to him in my usual calm and collected manner, covering up my slight daze perfectly.

"What if Naruto accepted your feelings? What if he loved you back? Would you really be willing to let that go?" He asked with an almost desperate tone to his voice. His fist was clenched where it rested on top of the bar and his eyes almost screamed with the need for me to listen to him.

I shook my head at his attempts and pushed the empty sake bottle and cup away from me, putting the right amount of money on the counter and pushing my chair out. I turned to face him directly and placed a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"Naruto and Hinata are together, she confessed to him today, I was there. Please Gai, don’t get so angry for my sake. Naruto will be happy and can move on with his life now that Sasuke is back and this war is over. He'll be Hokage, he'll have a family, he'll finally be happy, and I’ll be happy to see him that way," I told him sincerely. I tried to convey that true feeling in my voice, to show him that this was the way things were meant to be and that I was okay with the way they turned out.

"I already told Tsunade that I accept the mission so the preparations should be starting soon, so don’t worry so much. I’ll see you around Gai, tell Lee I said hi~" I told him calmly and sang the last word joyfully, a bit of my teasing him coming out.

"Kakashi-" he tried to call out to stop me, but I was already gone through the doors of the bar and I knew he wouldn’t be following me.

_This is for the best._

I told myself one last time to steel my nerves. I was going through with this even if no one agreed with it, because it’s what I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps this one was kind of short but most of the chapters are pretty long, oh and editing this story again is torture to me T^T you're welcome


	3. Too Many Moods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post every Friday, which gives me a whole week to actually edit these chapters, so you guys can expect a regular posting schedule. I also try and keep the chapters at least 3k words, so the shorter ones are close to that 3k and I think the longest is almost 7k so meh yall get what you get xD besides that, ignore any errors yall still find and enjoy!

** Chapter 3: Chapter 3 **

My heart sank as I watched Kakashi leave suddenly, his word of congratulations hanging heavily in the air because both Hinata and I knew it was something that was never going to happen. I stared at the spot he had been standing in for a few seconds longer until I looked back to Hinata with that same look of sympathy I’d given her at first.

"Hinata," I sighed as I gazed at the girl in front of me not knowing how to tell her in words that I couldn’t accept her feelings. Though normally it would be as simple as saying so in that many words but Hinata was a close friend of mine and I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I cared for her like I do all my friends.

That feeling just wasn't the same as the burning want and need I felt for Kakashi whenever I thought about him, or spoke to him, or saw the outline of his smile through his mask, or the crinkling of his eyes when he laughed with joy. I knew nothing could or would ever, in a million years, even come close to be able to compare with Kakashi in my heart.

"It’s alright Naruto, I understand. I knew it was going to be like this, but I just needed to try," she said looking down at her feet as a sigh escaped her.

I felt horrible for turning her down but it wouldn’t be fair to her or me to pretend to like her but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating at me.

"Hinata it isn't you. It's just-" I tried to tell her. My hand was rubbing the back of my neck in an attempt to soothe myself and get all the words out that I needed to, I tried to look at anything but Hinata’s disappointed form.

"You already love someone, right?" she asked instead of letting me finish my sentence. I finally got the balls to look her in the eyes and could only nod in affirmation. She looked at me for a few long seconds before she gave me a small smile, her eyes that looked troubled when she first started talking seemed a lot calmer now.

"You know, Naruto-kun since you saved the village a lot of girls are after you but I have a pretty good idea of who it is you love already," she said as she looked at the spot where Kakashi stood knowingly. I cocked my head to the side in slight curiosity and a bit of embarrassment as her intelligent eyes returned to look at me with a small, teasing grin.

"I hope you are happy Naruto and I wish you the best,” Hinata told me with warmth and sincerity. I nodded and thanked her to which her small grin grew a bit more, her eyes alighted with happiness but also a bit of sadness. She turned around and began to walk away in the direction she’d come from and in that moment, panic began to bubble up in my chest. That sounded too much like a goodbye and I didn’t want to stop being friends with Hinata because of something like this. It might sound a bit selfish, but she is one of the people I would, and have, risked my life for and I wasn’t willing to let her walk out of my life easily.

"Hinata we're still friends, right?" I called out to her retreating back as the thought that she wouldn’t return passed through my mind. She nodded enthusiastically while calling back in the affirmative and at seeing my relieved smile she waved sweetly at me and then continued walking. I was now alone in the middle of the street, hungry and upset that Kakashi and I were interrupted, though it wasn’t Hinata’s fault. It wasn’t very like Kakashi sensei to jump to conclusions like that and run off so quickly. I sighed, stuffing my hands into my pockets skulking off to find something to do since finding and catching up to Kakashi now was no use.

*__(*)__*

_ "Kakashi, are you positive about this? You do realize what you’re agreeing to, right?" Tsunade asked me in a mix of disbelief and slight disappointment. _

_ “Of course, I know what I’m agreeing to and yes, I’m very positive about my decision,” I told her firmly and confidently. I stood in front of her desk with my hands in my pockets and my posture in my usual, casual stance. _

_ She hung her head a bit as she placed her forehead on her intertwined and supported fingers. With her head bowed like that and the sad tint to her eyes, it really showed her age and the stress that was placed on her. _

_ Seeing such a strong woman and figure for the village like that only helped cement my decision to go through with this. This woman was a part of my life from early on and I owe her who I am; it was because of her, Jiraiya, the Third Hokage and my master that I was able to become a good ninja. I was able to grow strong and build a love for my village instead of resentment like I could have easily done at being abandoned at such a young age. It was because of them that I was able to become, hopefully, a good man. _

_ "Can I ask why you agreed? Any of the other Jounin could have accepted," she commented as she lifted her head to look me in the eyes. It felt as though she was trying to strike down my resolve with her eyes alone, but I held her gaze unwaveringly. _

_ "It is for the best interest of my village, the very village we all risked our lives to protect. We all know that none of the other Jounin would send the same message as if it were me to complete the mission. For those two reasons and to protect my village again, I accept this mission," I explained my reasons to her, though I omitted the last factor that pushing me to stop hesitating with my choice. _

_ "Kakashi, please understand that if we wait out this decision the Mist will most likely change their demand,” she told me with a serious expression. _

_ I shook my head at her words knowing they were nothing but hopeful fantasies. Before our village elders were killed in the attack here at the village, they would have never conceded to a demand such as this one. In fact, the delay of a prompt response would have probably launched them into a hissy fit of offended pride and broken relations between the villages. If their elders are anything like ours were, and ours were the more patient, open-minded ones of the bunch, then that hope of Tsunade’s was not one to pass. _

_ She watched me in a bit of defeat as she knew her hands were tied and there was nothing she could do.  _

_ “This is for life and once it is agreed on only a force like the nine tails will be able to break it you know?" she said again, another last-ditch effort to change my mind though I didn’t understand why she was trying so hard.  _

_ ‘This was what is best for everyone,’ I told myself once again. It is the mantra that I’ve begun to tell myself. _

_ "Yes, I understand. This is for the good of my village and this is what’s best for everyone. I accept my mission honorably, and with pride Tsunade-san," I reiterated once again, a determined look was set in my eyes. I tried with all my might to project to her my confidence and my genuine intent to help in that one look. _

_ She watched me with sad eyes but said nothing. I lied to myself a bit earlier when I said I didn’t understand why she was trying so hard to change my mind. It was because she knew my secret, though it seemed like everyone knew nowadays, so it wasn’t quite as secret as I thought it to be. _

_ "Very well, Kakashi Hatake, as the Hokage I will inform the Hidden Mist of your acceptance and your mission will begin at the end of your two months rest. Enjoy your time before your final mission as a Leaf shinobi," she said started in an authoritative voice that rapidly faded to a kindlier tone as she progressed in her speech. _

I recalled the conversation I held earlier in the day as sat watching the one person who I could turn to for advice. Though I came to see the master of my master, I found him in his slumber and wasn’t quite sure why I didn't leave when I saw the Sannin wasn't awake. It wasn't as though I was trying to be a creep, but I felt closer to everyone I ever held dear near the man, he was like a father figure to me after my real father and sensei passed away.

I sighed again, for what seemed like the millionth time that hour, as I thought of that conversation and inevitably what lead up to me making that decision. Naruto was like a plague to my mind even when I tried to purge his image from my thoughts.

I thought of how happy he must be with Hinata at the moment, and what they must be doing right now. Maybe he was swooning over her like an idiot by himself, locked up in his room with a stupidly endearing grin that he couldn’t wipe off his face. I smiled at the visage of the man I had in my mind and shook my head in amusement because I was positive it was something Naruto would do.

I'm not jealous of Hinata, I’m happy that she got to be with the person she loved and wished her all the happiness she could obtain. The thing that bothered me was the repetitive, unwanted thought that kept coming to my mind. It was the thought of her having his heart over me and let's just say it did strangely painful things to my heart.

"You know, no one can sleep with the depression seeping off of you," I heard a voice gruff out. I felt a smirk pull at my lips at the man’s comment.

_ He is such an ass,  _ I thought to myself in amusement as I turned my eyes away from the moon which hung high in the sky outside of the window and found them focusing back to the figure lying in the bed as he shifted into a sitting position. The Sannin’s long, white hair was lacking the spiked quality it had when he was out and about as he pulled himself into wakefulness. He scrubbed a hand down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and very being, the sedatives most likely leaving his limbs feeling heavy and uncooperative.

"Forgive me," I told him in a quiet voice as I moved off of the windowsill I’d been sitting on and made myself comfortable in the armchair next to his bed. I folded one of my legs neatly underneath myself and pulled the other into a bent position, high enough to where I could comfortably lean my cheek onto my knee and watch the Sannin easily.

"What's on your mind, Kakashi?" He asked his question leisurely, almost a bit sluggishly and didn’t bother to acknowledge my apology since, in his mind, there was nothing in need of forgiveness.

"I accepted the mission today," I looked out the window once more as I spoke. The sky quickly filling with grey clouds heavy with water, ready to pour down into the village, covering the beautifully pale moon in their vengeful wake and slowly consuming the only bit of light that was illuminating the dark hospital room we sat in.

"You don't mean the-" I cut him off with a simple nod of my head. The question was more for the sake of the conversation since we both knew exactly which mission was being spoken about and truly, I didn't want to hear another thing about it. I mentioned it for the simple fact of informing him because he deserved to at least know what was going on with me. In all honesty, though, the decision is made and in the past; it was done, and what’s done is done.

He let out a deep groan then sighed. The sounds brought my attention swinging back over to the man and I saw him again scrubbing his hands down his face, this time in frustration instead of tiredness. His dark eyes latched onto my grey one and he gave me an irritated look that I hadn’t seen since I was young, it was the one that screamed he thought I was an idiot.

"You kids are going to be the death of me, not Pein Rikudō*," he shook his head furiously which caused his hair to sway. I watched the motion of the long strands as they moved; the simple sight able to hold my attention more than our current conversation.

"You'll get a headache that way," I off-handedly commented in a lazy drawl. His dark eyes sharply cut to mine in a pseudo-deadly glare and I couldn’t help the tug of my lips at still being able to irritate the man.

"Kakashi, there is a reason that woman is the way she is," he told me in a serious voice. I could only assume he was speaking of the Mizukage from the Hidden Mist as she was the one dealing with the negotiations directly.

"I know, but this is for the sake of the village," I told him as I pressed my cheek into my knee, smushing my face up and causing my lips to form a pout.

"What about Naruto?" he asked in a matter of fact tone. I smiled at him again as he was trying to be like a scolding father now but the effect it had now compared to when I was young was the polar opposite. A younger me would reflect seriously and doubt my own choices at the scolding tone but now it amused me, especially as he lay fragile, in a hospital bed with half a dozen machines monitoring his condition and every minute change occurring with him.

"Naruto is with Hinata now, he’s grown up, he isn't the brat that didn't know when to quit. Or the child that was always pulling pranks in the village because he craved attention," I paused as I heard a fat water droplet fall onto the window making a loud  _ plunk _ sound on the glass. The quiet nighttime streets with the occasional person walking them were now empty and devoid of any life, fault of the oncoming rain. I looked on in appreciation as times like these were the only ones, one could see the streets empty.

"He saved the villagers that hated him, the ones that beat and ignored him, neglected him and did so many other horrors that I dread to imagine for a child. He is so loved now because all he knows is how to love. There isn't a place for his sensei anymore, he’ learned all that he can from me as that was always the role I played in his life," I continued speaking as I turned back to look at Jiraiya in the eyes.

I was calm and at peace with my decision. I gave him a small smile from under my mask and unfurled myself from the seat I’d nestled into, ready to leave the room. I felt much better speaking all that out loud. It's true, I wasn't jealous of Hinata, I was happy for the both of them and sad. Sad for myself, but I wouldn't let that interfere with Naruto.

"Kakashi, are you just as blind as a child is?" Jiraiya asked me seriously.

I narrowed my eyes at the Sannin, studying the man’s almost angry form trying to quickly decipher what he meant by that question before this uncharacteristic anger that stirred inside me, bubbled over the edge of my control. I stared at the man for another second, not able to formulate an answer. His impatience got the better of him and his eyes burned with an emotion I couldn’t place, he opened his mouth to say something but something within me told me to leave, so before he could get a sound out I turned and flashed from the room.

*__(*)__*

Why is it that I haven’t seen Kakashi sensei in what seemed like forever? It’s been two whole weeks since I have seen him at all, and the last time was when we were heading to Ichiraku’s and Hinata came to talk to me.

I’d go to the normal places where I could find him reading a book or just lounging around sometimes deep in thought, but I haven’t seen him. I wouldn’t go looking every day, because I didn’t want to come off as a creep or clingy but it was nice to spend time in his company and it was starting to feel like he was avoiding me, though if he was I wouldn’t even know why. I couldn’t think of anything I’d done the last time we saw each other to make him want to avoid me.

He did seem to think that Hinata and I were together now and that is one of the things I’ve been dying to clear up. It kills me that he thinks Hinata and I are together, and forever loving sake if he thought we were a good couple I’d puke. Maybe he was making himself scarce thinking he was giving Hinata and me time alone. My nose scrunched up unconsciously at the horrible thought, I swear the air around me got the slightest bit stale and rancid. Poor Hinata, I don’t mean it’s because of her but yeah, fucking gross.

A frown pulled on my lips and I couldn’t help but pout as my mood was taking a spiraling turn from the happy, carefree, fun state it should have been into a much fouler one. I threw myself back to dangle upside down from the limb of a tree that was suspended over the water of the river I was by.

The sun shone brightly down as I looked out over the surface of the river to watch my friends a few yards away from the spot I was in, laughing and having a good time. The rest of Konoha 11 decided to join our team 7 in a bit of fun and took the day off to hang out with us. Though in addition to the 11 of us, Sasuke and Sai were with us and seemed to be enjoying the outing along with everyone else even though they were more solitary.

"Naruto," I heard Sakura call for me from the water. I watched her turn around and her blue-green eyes search the trees for me, but her search only lasted a second before they locked onto my form, still dangling from the tree branch and our eyes met. I permanently pulled away from my thoughts as I focused my attention on her and what she was saying.

"Come on! You were the one complaining about not having anything to do! What the hell are you doing moping over there for?" Sakura said as she placed her closed fists on her hips in an attempt to intimidate me out of the tree.

“It’s too hot to be out in the sun right now,” I whined out, dragging out the last word just to annoy her. I had to hold back my grin as she huffed a breath and turned to Ino, Hinata, and Tenten to complain. She eventually made enough of a fuse that all the guys turned their attention to me as well.

"Dobe, if I have to be out here then so do you! Get down here," Sasuke told me. I raised my eyebrow at him in a challenge, basically saying without words ‘Oh yeah, what are you gonna do if I don’t?’

We stared at each other for a few seconds while I heard everyone call out for me to come down and join the fun. He took up the challenge as I knew he would and flashed onto the limb where I still hadn’t budged.

“Just come down already, idiot,” he said in a last attempt to get me off on my own.

“I don’t wanna,” I told him childishly. I saw a small grin creep onto his face, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Fine, have it your way,” were the words he spoke before he moved with all the speed his body possessed. He grabbed me by the ankles and was holding me out above the water, a gasp left me as I felt his strong grip on my ankles and looked up at him.

“Don’t you dare,” I told him trying to be as menacing as I could. His grin turned evil as a satisfied look passed through his eyes and suddenly, I was plunging toward the icy cold water with no time to avoid being soaked.

I fell into the water with a mighty splash, the cold instantly taking over my sun-warmed skin and I couldn’t help the shout that left me as I broke the surface of the water again, after catching myself from flowing down the river with the current. I shook the excess water from my hair and wiped my eyes to glare up at Sasuke who was still perched up nicely on the tree branch I was in not 10 seconds ago.

"I think I liked you better depressed," I mumbled as I rubbed my arms to get some warmth, still adjusting to the temperature of the water. Though it was nicely refreshing from the suffocating August heat, I wasn’t going to let them know that.

“Yeah, sure you did Dobe,” he said dismissively as he jumped back down to join everyone in the water again. Since his return, he had really opened up to everyone a lot more and was trying to rid himself of the defensive guard he always had up while around Orochimaru. We think Sakura and the events that unfolded during the war have a lot to do with it, but I also have a sneaking suspicion that the idiot had been lonely until now.

"Don't be that way Naruto. What were you thinking about anyway?" Kiba asked as he walked towards me leaving Akamaru to chase the small fish he could see in the water happily.

"Nothing much," I told him, trying to shake off my previous mood.

"Come on Naruto! You're going to get the spirit of Youth down!" Lee exclaimed pumping his fist in the air. I shook my head at him with a smile; he was always too damn energetic.

"You’re being a drag Naruto," Shikamaru told me as he and Ino, who was cuddled under one of his arms, sat in a shallow bit of the river watching everyone.

"Just tell us what’s wrong so we can help you and you can get that stupid frown off your face,” he continued in that signature slow drawl of his. He watched me with intelligent eyes, and I was getting uncomfortable under all the scrutiny.

I didn't want them to know about my thoughts for Kakashi since they were mine to keep and they wouldn't understand me anyway. Well, maybe Lee would since he is in a relationship with Gai sensei, and Sakura along with Sasuke, Shikamaru and Choji wouldn’t give a damn and-

I quickly cut off my train of thought knowing that if I kept delving into the matter, I would come up with the answer that my friends really wouldn’t care. It didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want to tell them so I thought of an excuse that would make sense and wouldn't raise suspicion to the rest of them. Oh, and wouldn’t have Shikamaru and Sasuke calling me out of the lie.

"Kyuubi was being a bastard again and wouldn’t shut the hell up. He has too much extra energy since we aren’t allowed to do anything, or maybe it’s that I have too much extra energy to actually care," I said convincingly with a very serious face as I nodded to myself, pleased that the not-so-lie was highly believable.

_ “Screw you, you fucking ungrateful brat,”  _ Kurama growled at me unhappily. It was true that he had been irritable and had too much extra energy that he poured into being an extra asshole, he just hadn’t said anything today.

Most of everyone gave me an understanding look while a few others, namely Shikamaru and Sasuke, gave me a suspicious look before reluctantly accepting the given reason.

"Well then, we'll just have to drain you of some of that energy today then huh?" Sakura asked grabbing me by my blond hair and shoved my head underneath the water. After struggling with her massive strength for a few seconds I grabbed her around the waist and tackled her into the water.

Quickly moving away from the pinknette I wiped the water from my eyes again only to hear laughing and feeling another hand shove my face under the water again. After taking care of that attacker, which turned out to be Kiba, a spontaneous water dunking war broke out between all of us. It was especially funny when Shikamaru grabbed his girlfriend’s shoulder and pushed her under the water while poor Ino was completely unsuspecting of her boyfriend.

Laughing at my friends I pushed my worries about Kakashi to the back of my mind to think about later. I had been complaining of being bored and not having anything to do and I was determined to enjoy the time my friends took to hang out with us today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Pein Rikudō: The rōmaji version of the English translated, The Six Paths of Pain. This was the technique Nagato used to control the six Pain bodies. I decided to use this version bc the english version is trash xD


	4. Fond Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late, I forgot xD Enjoy and comment please!
> 
> ~May

I couldn’t help myself as I felt my feet carry me back and forth, pacing like an animal. I was worried sick for Kakashi because I hadn't seen the man in about a month, and anyone I asked about him couldn’t give me a solid answer. It was always things like they didn't know where he was or that I'd just missed him. Hearing that he was fine and safe eased my worry a bit but having not seen him at all was putting my nerves on pins and needles.

I also asked my friends if they thought anything was out of the ordinary with Kakashi sensei and they always said that he’d seemed fine and they had contact with him not long ago. The only thought that kept coming to mind is that he is avoiding me, and that logic left me with an unsettling feeling.

 _“He is avoiding you,”_ I heard Kyuubi's voice ring in my head. I could feel the fox’s satisfaction of having a bit of fun with the situation and I was not happy with his teasing in the least. A frown pulled tight on my face and I stopped myself in my tracks.

“Shut up, I don't need you filling my head with stupid shit, Kyuubi,” I practically hissed at him. His response to my very serious and very ticked off remark was to snicker which only pissed me off further.

 _“It’s no use telling me to shut my mouth when_ **_you_ ** _are the one that knows it’s true, child,”_ Kurama answered me in a childishly, sing song-like voice. He loved chaos and turmoil and the tornado of exactly those two emotions going on inside me was leaving him in an ecstatic mood.

I chose to ignore his comment and his elation of my suffering and chose to concentrate on the task I was doing. Consciously pushing Kurama’s voice to the back of my mind and quieting my thoughts, I pooled our joint power to create a massive pool of chakra. I opened my eyes to survey the area around the Hokage monument where I am currently standing. 

I was done not knowing where my sensei was and if he was avoiding me, I’d rather know the exact reason for the uncalled-for treatment. It wasn’t like Kakashi to hide, especially without telling me why he didn’t want to see me and because it was so unusual, I had my shadow clones spread throughout the village looking for the man. It wasn’t that I was being needy or a stalker or anything like that, but I was determined to find my sensei and ask him why it was he was avoiding me. Plus, it gives me something to do and focus my attention on.

I was starting to feel a suffocating panic settle across me and if I didn’t see Kakashi with my own eyes I felt as though I wouldn’t be able to see him again. I sent out a few more shadow clones and jumped down from the top of the monument to go search at Kakashi sensei’s apartment again.

*_(*)_*

Why was it getting so hard to avoid Naruto nowadays? 

Oh yeah, it was because the boy was persistently searching the entire village for me with what seemed like a million shadow clones. Every few days the young man would take his position up atop the Hokage monument and send out shadow clones and right now is one of those times. I truly regret that he and Kyuubi were able to form a bond similar to that of Killer Bee and the Eight tailed beast, it only made it harder and harder for me to avoid detection.

Why couldn't the blonde just lock the beast and his power away in his cage like he enjoyed doing a few years ago? That would make my life a lot easier. I shook my head as I watched the blonde jump down from the monument and make his way through the town in the direction of my apartment through the window of the bar I sat in. The alcohol-serving establishments were the only place I could hide from the blonde seeing as he couldn’t enter without having an adult with him and Tsunade was much too busy dealing with the Hidden Mist and Jiraiya was still in the hospital to be able to escort him. Also, being in a bar that is sworn by oath to the secrecy and privacy of their clients was a very convenient thing.

I sighed again as I thought of avoiding the man. It wasn’t as though not seeing the man’s sunny grin or hearing his amused laughter didn't affect me either, in fact, it has been the greatest test of patience and will strength that I have undergone in a long while. I felt it was best if I didn’t see Naruto anymore before I left for my mission. Seeing him would only bring up thoughts and memories I wanted to forget and hesitation to grow in my heart. Just knowing he was well, and well enough to have spare time to kill looking for his sensei at that, gave me peace of mind. Though I can’t deny that I’ve felt saddened and, dare I say, a bit lonely this last month I haven’t seen him. Never had I felt like this before when I wasn't around the blonde-haired man; it could also be that I hadn’t seen anyone except the bartender for the last month coupled with not having missions to distract my mind from the absence of his presence. I shrugged my shoulders at the thoughts.

I downed the last of my drink and set the heavy-bottomed glass back onto the bar top as I slid away from the counter moving toward the back door after leaving enough money to cover the tab I’d accumulated over the past three hours I’d been sitting at the bar. Shoving my hands in my pockets after moving into the dimly lit alley I made my way in the opposite direction I saw Naruto head into in search of a different place to lie low. There was only so much time I could spend holed up in bars before even I started to feel suffocated.

I walked through the more shady parts of the village, though we like to believe it is perfect and nice because there are ninja around, any place where people live in large numbers is bound to have places like the very one I’m walking at the moment. As I walked, I couldn’t help but watch the villagers meander and making sure to keep on the lookout for any of Naruto’s clones, though it was almost assured that the young man wouldn’t think to look in this part of the village. As I made my way in search of a new haven, I could feel some lingering eyes on my form and felt as though the curious eyes left me more void and emptier than what I was already feeling.

I felt their judgmental gazes harshly exposing my secrets and it was odd seeing as I, one of the top shinobi in the village, was reduced to feeling so exposed and giving weight to, most likely, nonexistent inclinations. I felt as though people were expecting me to live on as a person should, but at this point, I have lost the meaning of the word “should.” I couldn’t recall how to repress these emotions as I once did and all I could feel for these damned “imaginary” people and their expectations was underlying anger and resentment. I would tell them all to go shove a big one, imaginary or not, but sadly Tsunade does strike some fear into me; it was enough to get me to move from my dwellings and keep myself eating seeing as I’d lost the urge to eat about two weeks ago.

I felt my lips pull into a displeased sneer as I slinked my way through the back alleys and finally made it to my destination, a small cluster of trees near the edge of the construction zone just east of the Hokage tower. It was needless to say that my irritability level was considerably higher than normal and my threshold for tolerating anything was at an all-time low. 

I could barely stand the sight of people, their presence was an annoyance though not greater than their happy chatter and their oblivious ignorance of the things we shinobi subject ourselves to for their lives flow how they desired, in safety and comfort. They didn’t know or care enough to find out the things we sacrifice for them nor did they care enough to even acknowledge their hypocrisy. A perfect example would be the suffering they put Naruto through and how now all they can seem to do is shower him with love and paint him in splendor though not but a few years ago they painted him as a devil and a monster.

Fucking idiots.

 _Damn it Kakashi, you need to control yourself._ I scolded mentally as I leaned my back against the trunk of one of the trees after seating myself on the ground. The small groove was relatively secluded, being that it was located in the unsavory part of the village, and I felt confident enough that none of Naruto’s clones would be coming around to look for me here. 

_I live for these people's happiness. I fight and spill both my blood and the blood of others for these people. These are my people. It isn't their fault that my life has turned to shit._ I told myself tilting my head up while closing my eyes.

I pushed out another heavy breath as I let the misdirected anger ebb away, shoving my hand through my already disheveled and abused hair. I realized what all my uneasiness meant, the fact that I couldn't sit still for very long, unless I had a drink in my hand, the fact that I couldn't sleep, that I could barely eat, and that I couldn't concentrate my attention long enough to focus on one thing for more than a few dozen seconds before switching my attention on something else. I knew what it all meant but I was still pushing it all aside, though I knew that wasn’t the wisest of thi-

"How the mighty have fallen,” a sudden voice interrupted my train of thought. It startled me enough to cause me to flinch a bit as I opened my eyes to see Shikaku, Inoichi, and Choza all standing in front of me. I quickly deduced that the mocking voice who had spoken was Shikaku who stood looking down at me with a partly amused and partly disinterested expression while Inoichi and Chōza stood with indifference, as though they couldn’t decide how to express what they truly wanted to through facial expression.

"Hello you three," I spoke as normally as I could, quickly composing myself. I realized just how unwell I was when I didn’t even notice I was not alone anymore and I was determined to correct my mistake, even if only a bit, in their presence.

"Kakashi I can’t believe just how out of sorts you are," Inoichi commented as he looked at me now a glint of pity tinting his eyes.

"Well, it’s not easy keeping up appearances forever Inoichi,” I replied quickly. My sharp tongue never a step behind even when I didn’t want it to be so quick, I did manage to keep my tone under control though. The ash-blonde man quirked his head at my response, Chōza stood ever watching and the small smirk that graced Shikaku’s lips grew the slightest bit wider.

"It appears that Gai forgot to mention that your temper has begun to flare. My, now I haven’t seen that since before you joined the Anbu," Shikaku said, raising an eyebrow as even more amusement colored his tone. Inoichi gave him a warning glare before he turned his blue-green eyes back to my form.

"Kakashi, you are usually a very calm and diffused person. You always keep yourself distanced so I know you aren't going to tell us anything, but this is disconcerting," Inoichi told me as his crouched down to be level with me seeing as I hadn’t moved an inch since they arrived.

"Disconcerting? Exactly what is disconcerting Inoichi? That I am also capable of showing a bit of distress like the human being that I am? Or did you forget that fact?" I shot a glare in their direction, not able to contain my anger completely.

"That’s enough Kakashi," Chōza's deep voice resonated through my hiding spot. My attention swung to him as he spoke for the first time since they appeared. I held my silence at his serious tone and waited for him to finish speaking his thoughts since it wasn’t often that the Akimichi family was serious.

"If this is how you are reacting now, imagine how unhappy you are gonna be after you leave the only home you’ve known and given up what your heart truly wants. Just tell Tsunade that this is one mission you can't complete," he reasoned. I gazed at him, watching as his red hair swung from side to side with the soft shaking of his head.

"It isn't that kind of mission Chōza,” I sighed, trying to regain my composure, again. I really hate not being able to manage my temper, it was the main reason why I trained it away before the age of 14, or so I thought I had.

“I can't refuse the mission at this point. I had a chance to decline when Lady Hokage asked me if I was sure about my decision. I am protecting the village this way,” I told them what I had been telling myself for the past few weeks.

“Any other Jounin could have taken this mission Kakashi, I don’t know why you are torturing yourself,” Inoichi said in a frustrated voice.

“Really, anyone could have taken the mission? I highly doubt that the Hidden Mist would gladly accept just any ninja for this. It would have to be someone either influential or powerful or both. Who do you think would have been the next choice had I declined?” I asked pointedly though I wasn’t expecting an answer but that didn’t stop Inoichi from trying.

“That’s not entirely true, there are plenty of other optio-” I cut him off by standing up from my previous position which left the ash blonde to look up at me.

“Anyone of the other prospective Jounin have partners and the other options would be my students and your children. Shikamaru and Ino are very happy together as is Choji with TenTen, Sasuke is finally opening up his heart to others and is in a healthy relationship with Sakura, Neji is from a branch family and will not be allowed to accept the mission nor will Shino be allowed since he is the only heir to his family, Lee and Gai are together, Kiba is in love with Hinata and wouldn’t make a very good candidate purely for his bullheadedness and Naruto is in a relationship with Hinata,” I quickly summed up the list of their other options. They were looking at me in a bit of surprise at how much I said and how quickly I’d said it.

“Though it may appear to you that I took this mission on a whim or without thought, I would like to remind you that I happen to be one of the only people in this village that would not decide on impulses. I have to protect this village and everyone who lives in it including other ninjas. If the kids knew, they would agonize over the decision and suffer and in the end, Naruto would be the only one left to go through with it. I will not allow him or any of the others to sacrifice themselves when I am perfectly capable of saving them that heartache," I declared to them with finality.

All three men were left shocked at my words but mostly my behavior, wheater it was in admiration of me or at the magnitude of what they felt was my stupidity I didn't know. I shook my head to shake away the conversation seeing as I was done speaking on the matter and Shunshin-ed away without another word being uttered.

What I said was true. I wouldn’t allow any of the new generation ninjas to suffer through this mission; they had their whole lives to live ahead of them while I had lived enough of mine. I wasn’t going to let Naruto be unhappy for the rest of his life, and that was when I realized that what I felt for the young man ran deeper than what anyone, including myself, thought. 

I wasn’t naïve, I knew what the emotion was but was too scared to place a name to it because then I really wouldn’t be able to move forward with the mission. I landed on the roof of a building and could sense that Naruto had given up his search for the day as the number of shadow clones diminished to nothing. I moved toward my apartment to be alone and think of when a teacher-student relationship developed into something else when it developed into these feelings inside of me. When had it evolved into something that brought out a side of myself that I hadn't even known existed?

I closed and locked the door to my apartment as I pondered the thought, moving further inside and making sure to shut all the blinds to make sure no light entered and no visage of myself escaped through the windows.

I smiled to myself as I fell onto my small bed, being completely honest with myself and pinpointing the space in time when Naruto started becoming more to me than just someone to teach, but someone to hold dear and protect.

_I remember the relief of finding the blond though that was short-lived when I saw him lying motionless in a crumpled heap just beneath the feet of the first Hokage at the Valley of the End. Pakkun reached him before me and was sitting patiently next to the badly beaten and battered boy._

_I immediately crouched at his side and checked for a pulse finding a strong one quickly. I released the breath I’d been holding at the critical piece of information and gave him a once over, determining that he’d just spent too much of his chakra and took quite a beating when he groaned out in pain and tried to focus his dulled blue eyes on my face. I sighed to myself and gathered his form up into my arms wanting to get him back to the village quickly since he was barely holding on to consciousness._

_I held the small figure in my arms closer to my chest as an unusual rain started to pour down upon us. The young boy had fallen eerily silent causing me to glance down at him to realize he’d lost consciousness. I calmed a small sense of panic that swelled in my chest and put a bit more effort into my shunshin. Pakkun informed me that there were no more enemies in the area and left us, allowing me to head back to the village with everything I had._

_Soon I heard him groan again and I turned my attention to him, his clear blue eyes fluttered up at me as I moved us through the trees._

_"Kakashi sensei?" he asked in a quiet voice as he tried focusing on my masked face. I watched him struggle with his vision; shutting his eyes and trying to open them again quickly but having difficulty, as if they weighed heavily._

_"Why hello there Naruto," I said smiling down at him, glad that he was mostly alright. He had blood crusted on the side of his face causing his hair to stick even as the heavy rain drenched us and he was bruised badly but he was mostly alright I mentally told myself._

_"Where's Sasuke?" he asked so softly that I almost wasn't able to hear him over the pounding of the rain. My brow clenched a bit as I knew I was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear._

_"He left Naruto," I answered him in a soft voice that I hardly ever used. It didn’t hold any of the mocking or aloofness of my regular tone of voice because I felt he needed to know that I was there for him, that I wanted to give him comfort. I looked down at the blond as silence settled between us, his lower lip trembled at the news and his normally crystal-clear eyes held great pain and sorrow in them._

_The feeling of wanting to remove that pain from his life forever bubbled up in my chest as his pure and innocent but valiant and brave intentions of being the savior to his closest friend were crushed entirely. I didn’t want to see that much pain in him ever again from lack of strength._

_"Kakashi sensei, we can't leave him!" he cried frantically, his voice cracking in a painful sounding way, as though he’d been yelling for the past few hours. When my grip didn't loosen an inch, he began to squirm in my arms in an attempt to release himself. I was forced to stop and set him on the ground as his head almost knocked into my chin, surely making me bite myself, purely out of a need to keep him from harming me and more importantly so he didn’t cause any more harm to himself. He could barely stand without my help but yet he tried for the sake of someone who’d betrayed and hurt him._

_"Naruto, he-"_

_"No! 'Kashi! No," he tried to move past me not wanting to hear what I had to say. He stumbled a few feet before he fell to the floor from his wobbly legs being unable to hold his weight up. My gaze was locked onto his form not having moved purely from the fact that he called me by a nickname and the mild shock kept me only gazing on as he tried getting up again. Though his arms weren’t fairing any better than his legs as they trembled under his weight and I could see his legs shaking terribly, they really could no longer support him._

_I could only marvel at the fact that he would push himself this far for someone he considered important to him. I found myself admiring him, his character and his person for being able to be so strong as to help the people who have wronged him so wholeheartedly, with no alternative motive than the fact that he felt he should help._

_"Naruto please stop before I'm forced to stop you," I told him softly, not as a violent threat but to make clear to him that he needed to heed my word and stop his actions before he hurt himself._

_"But, Sasuke! I have-" the young boy threw his desperate gaze at me, trying to plead with me on a soul level._

_"Why go now Naruto?" I cut him off trying to get him to see that this was pointless. He opened his mouth to reply but once again I cut him off._

_"Sasuke left. He is long gone by now. I don't know how long you were lying there before I found you, it could have been minutes, or it could have been hours. You can barely move let alone catch up with Sasuke or fight him to bring him back," I reasoned the hard truth to him._

_"He is my friend! I won't give up on him Sensei! I have to go after him; I would do the same for you!" he said with such strong emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t look away._

_They were swirling with something unknown to me. It was stronger than conviction, or devotion or even affection for his friend. What was it making the young boy's eyes seem to glow unnaturally? Was it what he felt for Sasuke? Or did something the blonde said have much more meaning to him than what I was understanding?_

_My breath caught as I really looked at the boy in front of me and I realized for the first time in a long time that he seemed so fragile. He was trembling on his hands and knees, battered and beaten with a broken heart in a warm summer's rain. He looked truly defeated. He seemed broken with hurt, and I couldn't hold myself back at that moment; his overwhelming beauty caught me off guard._

_I quickly grabbed him and pulled him into a deep embrace. His chin rested on my shoulder, as his weak body took a bit of time to respond to what just happened. I’m sure the delay was at least slightly from shock as well from the sudden and unexpected movement._

_I held him with one hand protectively cradling his head and the other splayed on his lower back pulling him closer, making sure by the fact of how tightly I held him to convey my feeling and to give him a sense of security. I wanted to make him feel safe. I wanted so badly to remove that defeated, broken look from such a lively being._

_Soon enough he nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and I heard a small sob escape him. His hands clenched the front of my shirt and Jounin jacket as he held onto me as I felt warm tears streak down my neck, mingling with the cooler raindrops on my skin. I held him for a while as he cried out his frustrations, sadness, and fits of anger waiting patiently for the moment when he would be calm. I rubbed soothing circles on his back and rocked him back and forth in a protective and such a mothering motion that even I hadn’t experienced in my life, and therefore didn’t know how I was instinctively able to give him this kind of gesture until he slowly went quiet._

_His fierce grip on my jacket loosened and his tense muscles relaxed, and I slowly pulled back a bit to catch sight of his closed puffy, red eyes and his lips parted in shallow, slow breathing. I sighed out a bit to release the tension in my own body before I lifted him and continued on my way to the village as he lay asleep in my arms._

A small smile stretched across my lips as I wrapped into myself more tightly, my eyes were already shut, and I could feel myself dozing off into sleep being unable to nor having the will to push the slumber away. I couldn’t help the jump my heart did at the fond memory and that one small smile reflected more truth of my emotions than my words ever could.


	5. Stubbornness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope yall aren't getting tired of these POV changes cuz boy there are a lot more throughout this story xD I forgot to post on Friday again but here ya go! Maybe expect updates every weekend instead of Fridays might help from getting your hopes too high lol. When I first wrote this I added in a really cheesy song lyric, if yall can tell me what song it is you get a shoutout. Enjoy and leave a comment~

** Chapter 5: Chapter 5 **

Chapter 5-

It’s become official, I’ve deduced that Kakashi sensei is avoiding me, and I’m fucking upset about it. Clearly. That fact is killing me slowly inside, especially since I’ve looked and looked and fucking looked for him. It's as though the ninja turned invisible, except everyone but I can see him. Kurama just laughs at my distress because he knows something I don't, just like he seems to know everything else in the fucking world. 

The asshole tries to act compassionate, tries talking to me about the whole situation, but it ticks me off all the more when he tries to. Why? Mainly because behind the stupid act of kindness I know he is fully enjoying my displeasure and laughing joyously about my pain. The last time he tried talking to me was a few days ago, and I know he was about to tell me what I 

wanted to know but I never let him finish what he was saying:

_ Still uselessly sending out clones today, I sat on top of the Hokage statue just waiting as a few returning clones gave me updates about the positions they were watching around the village. All of them would return with the same message, saying that the Kakashi wasn't in any of the places they’d been watching. I let out a frustrated half growl and ran my hands through my hair as one of the clones disappeared with a poof and a cloud after giving me a sad look at having delivered bad news. _

_ “Fu, fu, fu” I heard the Nine-Tails laugh softly, though it was obvious he’d wanted me to hear him. In my irritation, I didn’t even try to hide my hostility toward the misery loving bastard. _

_ "What Kyuubi?" I hissed at him with venom in my words that was almost strong enough to tint the air purple.  _

_ “Nah, I was just thinking how much of a little bitch you are, brat”' His booming laughter resonated within my head as he couldn’t help himself. I scowled as my anger increased in leaps and bounds at his unnecessary comment. _

_ "What the fuck is that supposed to mean Kurama?” I asked him in a dangerously calm voice. I knew he could tell I was trying to keep myself in check because I could sense the giddy sensation coursing through him. Sadistic fuck. _

_ “Naruto, your vacation is almost over and all you’ve done the whole time is look for Kakashi, who by the way has avoided you the whole time, if you aren’t a clingy bitch, I don’t know what the fuck is,” he said with his amusement still clear in his voice. _

_ “Fuck you Kurama! What the hell am I supposed to do besides look for him? I need to at least know what I did to be avoided so I can stop picking my brain to find what I did. You wouldn’t know a fucking thing about that!” I yelled at him, the anger coursing through me boiling my blood. _

_ “Well, what are you gonna do now?” Kyuubi asked more seriously. His attitude seemed to change in an instant and he seemed more closed off than just seconds ago. _

_ His sudden change stopped me in my tracks and cut through my anger long enough to make me think about his question. What am I going to do? The fuck is that supposed to mean. There’s nothing more I can do; I'm already looking for Kakashi. It's all I can do really; I can’t talk to Kakashi if I can’t even find the copy ninja. I can’t see him, and it’s been killing me. I mean... I love the man. _

_ To make things worse no one will let me do anything in the village. My friends won't spar with me and Sasuke and Sakura are perfectly okay with not doing anything. Oh, of course, they are, they have each other is why. Jiraiya oij-san is walking around the village now, very slowly, but he spends all his time helping Baa-chan. Sai is always relaxing with his drawings, that pervert. _

_ This is all I can do. The only thing I can do with my time and energy inside the village, that’s become my prison, is look for Kakashi and in all actuality, this is all I want to do. Look for Kakashi, find him, and ask him what is wrong with him and… _

_ I could feel Kurama waiting for my response. It was almost like I could see the fox sitting there with his smug expression and his brow quirked up expectantly. _

_ "Ima tell him Kyuubi." _

_ “Really now?” he asked. I felt the tip of the fox’s head to the side in curiosity and a sense of relief flooded my system. Whether it was from him or me, I couldn’t really tell. _

_ “I'm glad my punk-ass little brat finally found his balls, then,” the fox growled out the insult. _

_ My scowl from earlier returned instantly, right along with the burning anger and bit of resentment at my situation with Kakashi which only made things worse. I resolved myself to ignore the fox and not answer his taunt, if only for the fact to deprive the sadistic ball of malevolence the pleasure at getting another rise out of me, though I didn't know how long my silence could last. I just didn't want to have another argument when I was already angry, and that anger is not necessarily Kyuubi’s fault. Plus, the fox helped me decide to tell my feelings to Kakashi, so I’d rather not have me and my inner being, being in inner turmoil…again. _

_ “Oh, and brat,” he said after another round of amused laughter, trying to grab my attention again. His giddiness grated on my nerves and the sound of his annoying laugh finally made my very thin string of patience snap. _

_ "WHAT KYUUBI?" I practically roared in anger. My blood rushing and my head pounding at the release of the anger-built tension in my body, my breathing huffing out in exaggerated breaths that were completely necessary since I’d been holding my breath in an attempt to keep my silence. _

_ There was complete silence for a few seconds as I could tell Kurama’s amusement died a quick death to have an ever-stewing anger return. _

_ “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” the fox asked in a serious voice. I didn’t answer, not knowing how to answer, considering that he is a part of me. To not look like an idiot and stick to my britches, I let the silence hang. _

_ “I was going to tell you the reason Kakashi has been avoiding you, but I’ve decided to let you suffer just so you’ll remember who I am next time,” Kurama said in an even voice that revealed more of his anger than if he’d started to rave at me. _

_ I felt a bit of regret course through me, seeing that I’d just snapped at the fox who, in one of his very rare moments of kindness, was trying to help me and for the fact that I could have found out why it was Kakashi has been avoiding me like I was the plague. I was about to swallow my pride and apologize to Kurama, _ but _ his rumbling laugh held me back from doing such a thing.  _

_ He knew I was about to ask him about Kakashi; I was about to put Kakashi above myself and my pride to apologize to Kyuubi and that brought his amusement back full force. I knew it was the right thing to do, apologize I mean, and I really should do it. Just a few words could solve the problem I’d been trying to solve for weeks, but Kyuubi just pisses me off. I held my tongue in defiance and this just made him laugh all the harder. _

_ “Alright Naruto, I’ll let you play your game,” were the last words Kurama said before he fell into his days-long silence. _

Kurama had kept true to his words and hadn’t said anything to me in the last few days except for a few snorts and teasing laughs that I was able to provoke out of him, but nothing of importance. The only thing the bastard was good for was making people miserable.

So, in a bid to save my sanity I’m currently sitting in Oji's apartment while the still recovering man shuffled around trying to get himself something from one of the high cabinets from his kitchen. I told the stubborn sannin that I could have easily gotten it for him, but he threatened to tell Baa-chan how I missed her when I'm not around the insane women. Needless to say, I quietly sat on the couch watching him struggle with no further complaints of his stubbornness.

"What's wrong Naruto?" He asked me suddenly. He finally was able to grab two bowls he was reaching for with minimal pain done to him, which is why it took him so damn long and was now rummaging through the fridge looking for food to fill said bowls.

I gave him a look that told him I did believe him to be an idiot sometimes. How this guy was one of the smartest and dumbest people in the world respected by a ton of people still boggled my mind and at the extended silence that hung in the air, the sannin looked up at me. The second he saw my expression, a wide grin pulled across his face in amusement as he quickly finished filling the bowls with leftovers from last night and moved over to the couch, handing me a bowl and promptly plopped down onto the couch next to me. He bumped his shoulder into mine softly since he was still sore and gave me a kind smile that was rare since he loved to always tease me. I watched his face for a few seconds before he spoke again as I relished the father-like smile.

"It's Kakashi again, isn't it?" he asked me concerned. A mouth full of food made its way into his mouth and he chewed away as he waited patiently for my response.

"Yesh," I answered him with my own mouth full of food and my face turned down, looking at the food in my lap. I was tired of feeling sad all the damn time. I was tired of spending every day basically by myself because everyone I talked with always told me I was just imagining things. I was so fucking tired of wondering what the hell I had done to get Kakashi to hate me so much.

"Naruto you know that he has only ever done things to protect you, right? What if this is no different?" he asked. The food never stopping its redundant path from the bowl to his mouth as the man looked at me, waiting for my answer.

"How the fuck is hurting me a way to protect me?" I asked him incredulously and a bit pissed at the inclination that this behavior was what was best for me.

"Does he know he is hurting you?" the sannin again posed a question.

I stopped at the question and gave it some thought; it could be possible that Kakashi doesn't know that he is hurting me and that he actually believes that he is doing the right thing. Really? Who the fuck in their right mind would think that ostracizing someone wouldn’t hurt them?

I guess that last thought showed a little too much on my face because Jii-san asked another question, probably trying to diffuse my anger.

"Maybe he is protecting himself?" the sannin asked with a bit too much insight. 

Again, I thought about the question without answering him. How would Kakashi not seeing me protect him? What the hell would he be protecting himself from? Me? What did I do? I would never do anything to him!

"Naru, how about I talk to Kakashi and try to convince him to talk with you?" the older man asked me in a quiet voice.

My head snapped up at lightning speed to look at the man, I was shocked, in disbelief and was holding out hope. I was floored because no one yet had offered to help me even speak with my sensei even though I had asked plenty, no one would even pass on a message. The thought to ask Jiraiya had never crossed my mind because the man was just released from the hospital and couldn’t even walk for extended amounts of time, so I don’t want to ask too much of him. Though I wanted his help badly I had to put the wellbeing of my only family first.

"Oji, thank you but it’s fine. I think I’m just going to wait until Kakashi feels like talking," I told the man tiredly. I turned back to my bowl of food, saddened that I had to give up on seeing Kakashi until the man himself wanted to come looking for me.

"Naru, your vacation ends the day after tomorrow. I don't want you starting back into your ninja duties all depressed," the sannin told me while he grabbed my shoulder in a supportive gesture.

“I’ll talk to Kakashi, alright?” he mostly told me with a smile that was trying to cheer me up. I gave him the biggest grin my face allowed me to make. I was glad that someone was finally trying to help me, and it meant much more that it came from Jiraiya. It just shows, once again, that he is one of the only people I can always count on.

"Talking about ninja duties, have you gone to see Tsunade yet? She won't stop bitching about how she wants to strangle you for ignoring her," the older man said as he gave me a look that told me that he already knew the answer.

I crossed my arms over my chest and could feel the pout growing on my face. Oji-san has seen this exact expression plenty of times when I didn’t get my way in something.

"I don't wanna see Baa-chan," I told him in a quiet mumble. The white-haired man gave me an incredulous and amused look, most likely already knowing part of the reason for my strange behavior. Jiraiya knew that I took every chance I could get to annoy Baa-chan, so not seeing her for a while was strange behavior for me.

"Why?" he asked just for the hell of it.

"She wants to kill me! That woman is crazy! I put her off in the first weeks because I was pissed that she was making me stay put, but after that I sorta forgot, and by the time I remembered she wanted to see me I knew she was ready to torture and kill me! So, there’s no way am I gonna go see her!" I told him.

He laughed at me as I pouted and grouched on the couch next to him. He tousled my hair as his laughter calmed down and at the touch, I looked up at him. 

I couldn’t help but smile once again at seeing his grin and crinkled, closed eyes in such a happy expression. I thought I was never going to see him again, I honestly and truly thought I was never going to get my Oji-san back. I joined in his laughter and once we calmed down a bit, he stood up to put the empty bowls away. 

I yelled at him saying that I could have done the simple task, only to end up with a throw pillow that he grabbed from the recliner chair he was passing, in my face. The asshole had some pretty accurate aim even when not looking. I smiled again as I snuggled the pillow comfortably in my lap, watching the sannin move about the kitchen. I was happy that everything was peaceful and calm, now all I need is Kakashi by my side and my life will be perfect.

*_(*Kakashi’s POV*)_*

I set the drink in my hand onto the counter heavily and a hard sound emanated from the impact, the poor ice cubes clinking against the side of the glass furiously. I scrunched my nose against the harsh taste of the alcohol and couldn’t help but bow my head to the bar top as the room span a bit. I stayed in that position to rest a bit, with my head almost touching the counter next to the glass, trying to push back the effects of the alcohol on my body.

I tried to remember how many drinks I had up until now and couldn’t really remember but by the spinning in my head, I could safely say it was too many. I had a pretty strong tolerance and haven’t felt this drunk in a very long time. Though with my going to the Hidden Mist in a few days, I'm not sure exactly how many because all my days seem to blur together now, I deemed it a good time as any to give my tolerance level a reevaluation.

I wasn’t too worried about what day I’d be leaving since Tsunade informed me that she would be sending someone ahead of time to let me know we’d be leaving. That given I could drink to my heart's content without worry seeing as packing my things wouldn’t take but 10 minutes, with the minimalist lifestyle I lead, and on the long trip to the Mist I could sober up. The unfortunate thing was that fact that I would have to sober up eventually, thankfully that time was not now.

I was broken out of my thoughts as I felt the seat next to me slide out and a warm body land in it. My heart gave a slight jump at the unrealistic hope that Naruto had found me despite all my efforts to go hidden. Though I tried to keep myself from expecting too much, knowing that the teen wasn’t capable of finding this kind of place within the village.

Slowly I turned my head to look at the person next to me and let out the breath I had unconsciously held. I closed my eye again and didn’t move from my spot, knowing the person next to me wouldn’t say anything about the disrespectful action.

"Hello Kakashi," Tsunade greeted me in a kind gesture, though after knowing the woman for so long I could hear the bit of scolding undertone in her voice.

“Hello,” I answered the woman as my head still rested on the countertop. I tried to regain some part of my famous composure, which has eluded me lately.

I didn’t speak again for fear of my voice trembling both from the many, many drinks I’ve had tonight and because of the sting of tears I could feel in the backs of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I pushed aside the tears, my emotions and the drunkenness with various states of success. 

_ What the hell is wrong with me?  _ I asked myself.

"Kakashi, you’re in love," she stated. I’m not sure if I asked the question out loud or if she had a freakishly accurate ESP power that I was not aware of. Slowly I turned my head, rolling my forehead on the counter until I pulled enough energy to lift my head once again and look at her directly while sitting up.

"It hurts doesn't it?" she asked the question I didn’t want to answer so I didn’t speak.

"You know I’ve kept an eye on you for the past few days, brat. Shikaku, Inoichi, and Chōza asked me to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, either accidental or intentionally. They’re worried about you, you bastard," she said. 

I snorted at that. I told those old fools to stay out of this, but they never listen to what I say. Then again, they never did in the first place, and at times I've been very grateful for that, but this isn't one of those times. Tsunade too was a bit rough with the way she said things, but I knew her enough to know that she was just as worried about me as those three idiots.

"Kakashi, I think it's time to go home. You’ve had way too many drinks tonight," she told me sternly. I snorted once again at her treating me like I was a child, though in her case I couldn’t blame her acting like that with me since she was very close to me while I was growing up.

I shook my head in answer and regretted the decision immediately. 

"No Hokage-sama-" I started giving her my answer with my voice this time to avoid the room spinning again when she cut me off.

"Tsunade, outside of work it's Tsunade, you brat," she told me with a stern look which I wouldn’t argue with. There were some things you knew instinctually not to fight against, and this was definitely one of those things.

"Well Tsunade, I have to agree with you. I am in love, but I am staying here to drink my life away while I can. If I don’t, I won’t be able to stop thinking too much about the shitty decisions I’ve made, and I frankly just don't want to think anymore. So, either join me or leave me be. If it’s not too much to ask," I told her with a very slight slur to my words. Even drunk I still know how to speak to a person with coherency, especially Tsunade. If I didn’t make sense while talking to her she’d knock me unconscious and drag me home.

"I figured that was the case, but I had to try anyway,” she sighed and ordered a drink of her own. She nursed the sake the bartender set on the more western bar top in a glass tumbler instead of the traditional sake cup; the Leaf brought the bar-style from the Hidden cloud and I honestly like it better; bigger cups meant more alcohol.

"What do you think hurts the most?" she asked with a somber and distant look as she gazed directly in front of her.

"I could ask you the same thing," I retorted, turning to look at her side profile. She suddenly turned to look me right in the eye with a serious and almost hurt look on her face.

"It's in three days Kakashi," she told me in an almost incredulous and slightly angry voice, as though she was hurt that I could throw jabs at her in a vulnerable moment. I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I couldn’t help myself, at this point I either hurt others or risked hurting myself and it was all I could do to protect myself.

"I know it is," I told her with a false conviction. Her expression scrunched a bit, her lip lifting in distaste and her nose shifting with the action. She wasn’t happy with my behavior but there was nothing I could do about it; I was glad to know the countdown though. She sighed again, finishing her glass and signaling for the bottle from behind the counter, paying the tender for it right then and there. She filled her glass again and did the same for mine, for which I was grateful.

"That I almost lost him," she spoke after a few minutes of silence and drinks. I had to fight through muddled thoughts to catch up with the, seemingly random, sentence and what it was related to, but eventually, I arrived at the only logical conclusion. What hurts the most?

"It must have been a shock," I replied delicately after I realized exactly what it was, she was talking about. Tsunade was very touchy when it came to her emotions and even in my drunken state, I knew I had to tread carefully because this woman of incomparable mental and physical strength was showing me something she rarely showed anyone. I felt honored that she felt she could talk to me about it, even if it could be because she thought I wouldn’t remember it.

"It was, but I think it was worth it in the end and now we have nothing to worry about. We can finally face each other without all the pretenses and all the bullshit that kept up from being together throughout the years. We can finally move on... together," she said with a strange tinge to her voice. I watched her profile as she looked at the myriad of bottles behind the bar once again.

She finally looked back at me and I could see the happiness in her eyes, the hope. All the pain of many years washed away with that hope that Jiraiya brought back with him. With him just being back, everything in her world was set right again. Right then, seeing Tsunade’s expression, I knew that what I am doing is right.

If I could bring that happiness, that hope, if I could just keep that light in Naru’s eyes, I know my pain is worth it. If he could smile and say that he had no regrets and that he was happy then my suffering is insignificant. I could put my heart at ease and let him live his life.

"What hurts the most Kakashi?" she asked again quietly. I thought silently for a second before replying.

"Being so close and having so much to say and watching him be happy, and maybe never knowing what could have been," I told her as we locked eyes.


	6. Desiderium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy guys, pls comment or leave kudos if you like. Btw haven't edited this so if you spot any mistakes shoot me a message.

** Chapter 6: Chapter 6 **

Chapter 6-

"Naruto!" I heard being called from behind me.

I turned fast at hearing Oji-san's worried voice call me. I immediately looked him over to see if there was anything wrong with him and at not seeing anything visibly wrong with the man, tried calming my heart from jumping out of my chest. 

"Hey Oji-san, what's going on?" I asked, meeting the man from where he’d been trying to catch up to me as he huffed out a few struggling breaths. I was on my way back from a lower level mission Baa- chan sent me on since it was my first-week taking missions again. 

"Naruto," he finally managed to get out as I was helping him stand straighter. I was rubbing his back with a hand telling him to take a second to breathe before trying to talk since he was huffing a lot harder than I thought.

A lot of things could have been wrong, and I felt my stomach drop. He seemed to be fine; his health for the time he has been back had improved. He moves more and more on his own because he is so damn stubborn. It could have been Sakura or Sasuke since they were both out on a mission, to where or what they were doing I don't know. Or it could have been Kakashi, it had been almost a week now since he mentioned meeting with the silver-haired man, and I hadn’t heard anything since. The sinking feeling I had just got worse.

"Oji-san, what's wro-" he cut me off when he gripped my arm, hard.

"It's Kakashi, Naruto,” he said and a million possibilities crossed my mind in the span of a few short seconds as I froze at the words.

"What happened?" I asked him as I tried to keep my nerves together. There was no reason to lose my shit before I knew what was going on.

"Tsunade is about to leave the village, catch her before she leaves and get her to tell you. I'm not even supposed to let you know," He gave me a look I came to know well over the years we've gotten close.

It was that look that said he was putting me above everyone else, again. I gave him a nod before taking off at top shunshin. I didn't blame Oji-san, whatever happened I understood his ninja way and he understood mine because they went hand in hand and we both respect each other's way of doing things.

_ Damn it, what's going on?! _

_ “If you weren't such a smart ass, you woulda already stopped this,” Kyuubi spoke for the first time in two weeks. _

_ “What are you talking about?” _ I hissed at him, angry that he was right, but not willing to let my pride go.

_ “Don't act stupid kid, because we both know you aren't,” Kurama growled out reacting to my anger with his own. _

_ “You were too fuckin stubborn to ask me for help,” the fox continued, his anger simmering down a bit. _

“And how exactly do you happen to know exactly what is always going on oh wise Kyuubi?” I asked with as much disdain and sarcasm I could pour into my tone as I could. I felt Kurama’s anger spike while his annoyance with me hit the ceiling of his tolerance level. I was waiting for him to lose his shit but instead, he deflated altogether and just sighed.

_ “I am a living mass of malevolence, that is what your precious Kakashi has been feeding me for over a month now. I know what has been going on from the beginning, you idiot” _ I didn’t like the sound of that and neither of us spoke as I used Kyuubi's speed to get to the village gates as fast as I could. I saw Baa-chan and her escort as soon as I pulled to a stop, slightly out of breath. Shizune and Shikaku stood on either side of her and all of them were looking serious as they realized I’d shown up.

"Baa-chan?” I asked, not needing to say anything more for her to understand that I wanted her to explain. She watched me in silence and I quickly scanned the area for Kakashi. Swinging my eyes back to her after not finding the ninja I saw her eyeing someone behind me just as I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I turned to see Sai and Yamato standing there and I gave them a questioning gaze before looking back at Baa-chan only to see they were gone.

I moved to follow her, not liking that she was keeping shit secret from me, especially if it involved my team, but Sai's grip on my shoulder tightened the slightest bit. The grip wasn’t enough to hurt but it was enough to let me know that he wouldn't let me go. The message that sent was clear and I knew he was there to keep me from following. I turned back around, swinging around completely to face the two of them.

Looking a bit closer I found that most of my friends stood semi-hidden in the foliage around the village entrance. Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Lee and TenTen to my left; to the right Hinata, Shino, Kurani, Inoichi, and Choza and who knows how many more were scattered around hidden better in the trees.

I nodded my head in understanding to myself and Kyuubi, knowing we were now on our own in finding out what it was exactly that was going on around in this village and putting a stop to it. I guess it showed on my face because Sai's expression dropped, as did everyone around me, and he shook his head lightly before looking back at Yamato trying to get some help.

I sighed and shrugged off Sai's hand turning back into the village to see where Oji-san had gotten off to, knowing most likely they put him in isolation for telling me anything at all. I saw four of them leave in the direction Baa-chan went in and decided I wasn’t going to get mad at them. I knew it wasn't their fault, but they knew and haven't told me anything, everyone has avoided me like the plague, it's as though I'm a kid again.

I didn’t know what was going on but whatever it was it was bad enough to have my friends keeping secrets from me and I was going to get to the bottom of that it was. I just had to do something fast, from the way Oji-san was acting, whatever trouble Kakashi sensei is in is bad.

Confirming my suspicions about Oji-san, they used the excuse that he might have gotten some complications in his health and was put in isolation. I went to see if there was anyone else around or if everyone was in on this mission. That implied, exclude Naruto at all costs and yes, it explained why they were avoiding me, but why? Why not just tell me? 

If something happened to Kakashi I don't know what I would do. Thinking back to the war where I never knew how the outcome of a battle would turn out sucked. Remembering those times always brought me to a place I hated to be in emotionally but in a situation like this, I couldn’t help remembering a specific time he’d been stabbed through the abdomen. I almost lost myself from panic and anger and pure hatred for the person he’d been fighting and Kurama was actually the one to pull me back. He said something about self-preservation but we both knew it was because I’d grown on him.

**_ *Flashback* _ **

_ I was fighting alongside Sasuke again. It had been so long since this had happened that my blood was singing in my veins as I fought. He had shown up out of nowhere and saved Sakura, while my back had been turned. _

_ After so long we all thought that we had lost him, that he wanted us gone and here he was coming to our rescue. The battlefield had frozen with the burst of chidori he let loose to zap all the white Zetsu that were about to pounce on Sakura’s trembling form. _

_ Sasuke held her tightly in his arms as she looked up tentatively as if she wasn't sure if he was real or not. _

_ When had the pink-haired ninja gotten surrounded in the first place? Last I saw she was with Kakashi, the two leading a small group of ninja to support our fighting allies. Soon enough the fighting resumed as a group of ninja on our side got the jump on a big group of Zetsu. _

_ I rushed over to the two, ready to fight the Uchiha if necessary, but he soon gave a brief version of his story and a letter from Baa-chan along with his restored headband. I took his word for what it was since I didn’t have time to read the letter and began taking out the Zetsu. We were so focused on our fight and in covering each other that we had forgotten about the others. _

_ "Kakashi sensei!" _

_ “Kakashi!” _

_ I heard Sakura and Sai cry out and froze, forgetting about the fight in front of me. I turned in their direction trying to see what had happened when I saw the second Mizukage standing over the crumbled man. I looked like Kakashi blocked an attack directed at the other two members of team seven. _

_ I could see the second Mizukage’s solemn, sad smile from where I stood and from Sakura’s screams, I could tell he was about to deliver the final blow to a beaten and bloody Kakashi.  _

_ The only thing I remember from there was the rage boiling through my blood and fear. My fear of losing the man I loved was so great it took over me like nothing before. There were obviously painful things like Oji-san’s death but at least the sannin knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me too. There were scary things too like with Sasuke's departure, but I still had hope that I could convince my best friend to come back. _

_ This wasn’t like any of those things at all because if Kakashi was ripped away he would have died never knowing how much he meant to me. He’d never know how much he’s existence gave me life when there was no one to show me the way. He’d never know my love or the passion I felt every time I looked into grey and red mismatched eyes. _

_ I could feel my body moving, with no thought to the actions I was taking. Sakura told me later on that she’d never been afraid of me except at that moment. She said that I’d literally torn people limb from limb and that the rampaging left nothing in the area behind.  _

_ 'Kid, calm down' I heard a voice cut through the roar of rushing blood in my ears. I ignored the words instantly, not even thinking of trying to heed what they said. I just needed to keep tearing everything apart. That desire ran through me so deep that I’d forgotten why I needed to destroy everything in the first place. _

_ 'Naruto, stop!' the words boomed from my mind and like a crack of lightning that leaves you deaf and stunned my body froze. I huffed out breaths, not realizing that I needed that much air as my vision came back to me. Everything slowly followed as I started to calm down all my feeling, my sense of smell and taste. The first thing I remembered smelling and tasting was the blood that held thick in the air. _

_ "Naruto?" an unsure voice spoke out to me. I slowly turned to see Kakashi kneeling on top of a boulder with Sai helping keep him stable. Sasuke and Sakura were standing near them, Sasuke shielding Sakura from something. From me. _

_ "Kakashi-sensei," I mumbled out, confused as I was coming back to my senses. I looked around to the ground around me soaked in the enemy's blood, my allies staring at me with a mixture of awe and fear and I knew I had done it all single-handedly. _

_ "Are you okay?" I asked the question with my scratchy voice as returning my gaze to Kakashi. The man nodded his head, earning him a smile from me. _

_ "Good," I sighed in relief, moving to take a closer look at his wounds. As I moved, I felt my feet slide and my clothes sticking uncomfortably to my body but my only thought was to look Kakashi over.  _

_ I shunshin’d quickly to him and saw he’d been stabbed but it wasn’t as bad an injury as it could have been. I reached out to touch his face when I saw Sai and Sakura flinch a bit. I realized it was from all the blood dripping off me and now knew why my clothes were sticking so nastily to me. Kakashi didn’t flinch as my fingertips touched his cheek. _

**_ *End flashback* _ **

*_(*Kakashi*)_*

"You sure you're okay with this, Kakashi sensei?" I heard Sasuke ask from behind me. I turned to look at him over my shoulder and was very grateful that Tsunade had forced me to stop drinking a couple of days before our small group left.

"Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be Sasuke-kun?" I asked him playfully. They hadn't seen me in my disheveled state, and I wasn't about to let anyone else see that ever again. Especially now that we were a few days travel outside the village.

"We just haven't seen you in a while Kakashi sensei. What Sasuke was getting at is that he’s worried about you," Sakura intervened always one to try and keep the peace.

Seems like I can’t completely fool these two; even with Sasuke gone all that time the boy still knew when I was playing it up too much. He has certainly surpassed me in the acting department that’s for sure.

“I’m glad,” I told them both with a sweet eye smile. I was able to keep the rest of the team at bay with that sincere show of words.

Kiba, Neji, and Gai were watching the exchange silently. The three hardly said anything on the matter since we left the village three days earlier. I still struggled with knowing the day, but I knew the date of that event. The 10th of October.

Suddenly I realized something that almost caused me to stumble through the branches we were traveling on. I continued with the same pace we’d been keeping, trying not to think too much of what I’d remembered as to not give myself up. In the end, though, I’m not sure what gave me a way to Sakura, or maybe it was just that her intuition was that good.

"What's wrong Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked sweeping down to move next to me. I made sure not to look at her and keep my attention ahead of me, wondering if I should tell her the truth or try to play as if I didn’t know what she was talking about. I decided it wasn’t worth the effort to try and convince the stubborn girl that nothing was wrong with me.

"It's on the 10th isn't it?" I asked Sakura but didn’t try to keep the others from hearing since we were moving in such a tight group. She seemed confused but answered none the less.

“I just remembered that I forgot to give Naruto his gift,” I said trying to sound as casual as possible.

Silence followed my words before Sakura’s hand wrapped tightly around my wrist and we came to an immediate halt. The girl had come to a dead stop and forced me to stop before we both went tumbling to the forest floor with my momentum. Not the most graceful thing I would have done in my life, that’s for sure. 

The rest of the team had to double back, not ready for our sudden stop and waited as they watched us confused. She glared at me with her eyes so glassy it seemed tears would spill over onto her cheeks at any second. She reminded me of the little girl that didn’t know a thing about the world besides her classroom crush but the anger in her form also reminded me that this wasn’t that same girl. She raised her fist before throwing it forward. I waited for the pain to erupt in my arm, where she was aiming, but all I felt was the soft thud her fist made on my arm.

I looked down at her as she wrapped her arms around me. The show of affection wasn’t weird, it just didn't happen often, especially from Sakura. She usually kept her emotions in check unlike the other two idiots of our original team 7 but as usual, it looked like she was able to see right through me. She held me tightly, almost as if she was holding me together, as she could only shake her head in sadness.

"The 10th of October is Naruto's birthday,” I said trying to alleviate the team’s confusion as I hugged Sakura back. I finally was able to pry her away from me enough to look into her watery eyes.

"I'll just have to send him a gift from the Mist won’t I?" I asked her with a smile, patting her head lightly before being able to pull away from her completely. She looked angry and sad all at once and I could only hope that wasn’t how I looked. I quickly glanced at the rest of the team and it seemed they understood the meaning of what I said but the significance of it was lost to them, well except for Sasuke. He looked even pissier than he was earlier. 

"Come on, we have to get to the Mist," I told them as I took the lead again, encouraging Sakura into moving with a tug to her hand and ignored Sasuke’s heated glare. I didn’t know if he was angry or jealous but either way, I just wanted to get this over with already.


	7. Finally, the bearer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall these chapter titles are getting harder and harder by the week T^T enjoy! and pls let me know if you see any errors, as per usual I did not edit LOL  
> btw I promised a shout out for guessing the song and here it is, SillyMandyM and capricornkitty1975 thank you guys (and everyone else) for reading and leaving a comment. Yall are the best!  
> ~May

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

Chapter 7-

_3:47 a.m. the angry red light of the battery-powered clock we had glared at me as I quickly looked around after jerking awake. I immediately felt my shirt sticking to me unpleasantly with sweat and my breath was coming in quick pants._

_"Kakashi?" I recognized the soft voice flitting through the air immediately and calmed a bit as I tried regained my bearings._

_I turned behind me to see the blond leaning against the wall of the small building. The thin blanket was bunched in his lap and the dim glow of the lantern that sat next to him illuminated his lean figure. My hand moved to my chest on its own, feeling the pounding of my heart and I took in a deep to try to calm my nerves and keep the organ from beating right out of my chest or leap from my throat._

_"Are you alright?" Naruto’s smooth voice called out softly. I opened my eyes that I hadn’t realized I’d closed to look into Naruto’s. Concern shone in the depths of those bright blue eyes and I took another breath feeling my body settle into a calmer state._

_"Yes," I said with a rigid sleep doused voice. It flitted between us as I sat up and ran a hand through my tousled silver hair to get a better view of the young man. Naruto raised an eyebrow at the obvious lie I just spouted to him, though he knew I wasn't lying in ill will._

_I’m not sure how long the blond had been waking or if he’d been watching me toss and turn but I had a feeling he had been if the look on his face spoke the truth. It was obvious that I’d been having nightmares, but I was thankful he hadn’t asked about it directly._

_"You don't look alright. I almost woke you up to check on you," he commented slowly, reaching out across the small distance between us to move a piece of hair stuck to my face._

_I sighed at the contact from Naruto's fingertips and decided to leave my makeshift bed to lean against the wall next to the blond. I stared at the crumbling wall across from us, the building small enough to barely fit the two of us while the other half of the team was holed up in a similar building not far from here._

_"You weren't able to sleep Naruto?" I asked hoping to evade Naruto's broad probing._ _The man allowed the change in topic with a sigh and decided to continue with the conversation._

_"Not really, it's only been two days since we defeated Madara. I guess I can't sleep since we’re still looking for Kabuto and cleaning up all the Zetsu."_

_I nodded my understanding knowing exactly where Naruto was coming from but thinking that way was only going to make things worse for the young ninja, and I knew that from experience. Though sleep was plagued with nightmares and unpleasant memories and sleeping too long got you killed on a battlefield, it was better to rest your mind. The constant moving that kept you alive could also drive you crazy, especially in small groups of only a couple of people._

_It was odd that Naruto was here with me in one of the small attack groups, the mission not fitting the man’s bright personality. In reality, though Naruto was disobeying his orders to return to the village immediately. Tsunade wanted him out of the line of danger as one of the last remaining jinchuriki but the man passed the order from one ear to the other. He was throwing off the balance of the united forces and making other nations uncomfortable, to them he was a loose and unpredictable cannon. A necessary one, but one they didn’t like wasn’t on a leash._

_"What were you dreaming of?" Naruto's voice broke through the silence that descended on us once again, not letting the topic go as I thought. I thought about it for a second and didn’t feel the need to try and lie to the man directly._

_"I was dreaming that I lost everyone I cared for, lost everyone I love," I turned to Naruto and gave the man a pointed look that I didn’t quite mean to come out so directed. I could hear the slight hitch Naruto's breath gave, but neither of us said anything of it._

_"That won't happen, I won’t let it," he said determinedly. His jaw was set, and the shine in his eyes brightened._

_"I won't let anyone get hurt. Even you, Kakashi," he said again his voice carrying a weight to it that was hard to imagine he was still so young._

_I gave a smile that Naruto could see through my mask, both my gray and red sharingan eye exposed making my heart race a bit at the extra layer of exposure I let almost no one see._

_"I believe you Naruto, but go to sleep please, I'll stay up and stay watch. I won't be able to sleep anyhow," I said making myself comfortable against the wall, my head leaning back as my eyes shut of their own accord at the coolness of the stone._

_I heard shuffling beside me before I felt a weight land on my lap, slightly startled I looked down to see Naruto's head lying on my thigh, blue eyes shining up at me._

_"You don't mind?" he asked in a small, childish voice. Almost like he was afraid of being rejected, and I didn't want to push the boy away. He radiated heat that traveled through me, his scent drifted up to me and I could only wonder how he smelled so good being out in the field so long._

_I loved even the most innocent of gestures Naruto made. The little things like this did strange things to my heart. The way he calmed me so quickly when it would usually take hours for me to come down from the terrible high nightmares like those gave me made me feel so at ease with him._

_I gave another smile shaking my head. Naruto beamed up at me and settled back down, his breath evening out after a few minutes. The blonde's arm slinging over my thighs, tugging himself closer to my body._

_I shook my head again, smiling at the blonde's behavior and brought my hand down to tangle into the blond locks resting in my lap. The silky-smooth strands slipped in between my fingers as I raked my hand through the thick, yet soft hair._

_Letting out a soft sigh, I let the illusion wash over me. I could get used to this, to the heat, to the feeling of a loved one near but for now, I would just leave things how they were and let my unfulfilled wish live in these small gestures of affection._

*_(*)_*

It’s been four fucking days since Baa-chan left the village and four days of my friends trying to make me feel better about their shitty ass explanations. The first ones who came to me were Sai and Yamato, they both basically came to apologize.

Neither gave me answers when I asked though, they both avoided my questions and told me that they couldn't tell me. I threw a fucking tantrum, of course, a manly tantrum. I was angry that they were supposed to be my friends, but they weren't giving me answers.

They told me it was for my own good and that what was happening was for the good of the village. That was just the start of it, and it seemed like they all got together and recited a damn script because those words were repeated by everyone else who came to talk to me in those four days.

All my friends that were still in the village came to see me, even Inoichi-san and Choza-san came to talk to me hoping to calm me down as word spread that I was still pissed. All of them told me the same thing and I always asked the same question.

“If it's for the good of the village, why can't I know about it?”

They never answered.

I tried seeing Oji-san, hoping to get more answers out of him but I only managed to see him once. I told the guards if I didn't see him, I would think they had killed him and show them a real shit show. After that they had him write letters to me every day so I couldn't pull the same trick again.

He told me that I wasn't going to be able to find anything about the mission since nothing was written down for the specific reason of not letting me find out. They didn't want me knowing about it at all costs and they placed all the people not afraid to tell me about it on the team leaving out.

He also told me not to blame my friends, that they care about me but that they knew more than what I thought and didn't want to see me hurt.

That left me uneasy, and wary, but I never did blame them; they have their ninja ways and I respect them even if it hurt me more than what they thought in the process.

The night was starting to fall on the village and at the moment I was sitting on my father's carving on top of the Hokage monument. I couldn’t help but stare at the hundreds of flames that were getting brighter as the sky darkened, doing their best at keeping the village lit and it made a wonderful mood to think about what the hell it was everyone has been keeping from me. 

Hadn't I done enough for them to at least get an explanation? The truth would be nice too, like from the beginning. I'm not that unreasonable that I can't be trusted I don't think. It hurts to know that everyone else knows what's going on and I’m purposely kept out of the loop.

"Naruto," I turned suddenly at the new voice, my thoughts effectively broken. 

Standing a few yards away was Lee, his hands in his pockets as he waited. I watched him for a bit before sighing and signaling him over to sit next to me. He leaned back on his hands as he looked up at the dark blue slowly creeping up the horizon, the setting sun giving off a kaleidoscope of colors. I turned and looked him over since I hadn't seen or spoken to him in a while.

He’d matured since the war, well more specifically since he’s been with Gai sensei. His obsession with looking like the older ninja faded since he’d finally gotten the kind of attention he’d wanted from the man. He doesn't wear the ugly green jumpsuit anymore, or those god-awful leg warmers/weights. Now he wears some type of tight material pants since he says the baggy pants get in the way but I just think he likes teasing Gai sensei.

He uses black fishnet shirts now though they hang off him a size or two bigger than necessary. A plain shirt usually underneath, both doing nothing to obscure the muscles clearly defined underneath.

His bushy eyebrows thinned out as he outgrew what we all guess was something like a child phase. His face looked different too now that he was taller now, his very round eyes softening up into a less comical shape. His hair grew rigid in the style he likes to keep it now, it not being so shiny and hanging to the nape of his neck and sometimes getting in his eyes. He looked good and I felt bad that I’d been so out of touch with him to just notice the big changes now.

"Naru, you know this isn’t easy right?" he asked. I was thankful that he left his old “everything is positive” speech pattern behind if he hadn't these serious talks would be harder to conduct.

"You know it’s that much harder for me right Lee? Maybe you can tell me just what’s so hard on you guys because so far the most I've gotten out of anyone is that 'It's for the good of the village, and you'." I told him in a biting way that he didn’t deserve but got anyway, my serious gaze on his face.

He waited for a few seconds longer, staring at the sunset before also turning to face me. His black eyes filled with sympathy and hurt.

"It's true you know. That it's for the good of both, but you aren't going to like it, and it's going to hurt. That's why no one tells you, they're scared of hurting you. Or-" he trailed off.

"That I'll hurt someone," I finished the sentence for him as he sighed and looked away again.

"That's what some of the ninjas think, yes, but your friends are worried about the first," he said quietly. 

"Dammit, Lee! I fought in a fucking war, I thought my only family left was killed, I thought my best friend abandoned us and wanted to kill me because he hated me. I was hated as a kid and I've gone through some pretty tough shit as a ninja too. I don't think a little news is going to kill me!" I told him frustrated, running an agitated hand through my unruly hair and tugging at it with anger.

"Naruto, you aren't making this easy either. We know how you get, look at you. That's why it's so hard to tell you, and the only thing he wanted was for us not to tell you. It’s just fucking stupid," he finished angrily. 

I have to hand it to Lee, he’s the first one to stay this long and I know he won't leave until I give up because it's just the way he is, but he let something slip just now, and I won't give up either.

"Who's he? Who doesn't want me to know? I know it’s not because you all don’t want to tell me, something is just keeping you. Is it Kakashi? Did I do something wrong? I don't understand Lee,” I don’t him practically begging. I needed something to go off, right now I had nothing.

"You know, when Gai and I lie in bed at night we talk about things," Lee said and I groaned at the change of topic, my head landing in my hands. I swear I could pull my hair out one by one and it would be better than this.

I didn't want to hear about how Lee got his sensei to recognize him and Lee knew it by the exasperated look he gave me, but he continued to talk.

"We talk about whatever happened to us that day, or whatever is bothering us. Gai had been talking about Kakashi sensei before he was sent of this mission,"

At the mention of Kakashi, my attention was pulled back to the conversation, even if it caused a painful jerk to happen in my heart and an uneasy feeling to settle in my stomach.

"What would he say?" I asked as Lee gave me a small smile, a flash of white teeth and a small sadness in his eyes.

“Do you love him Naru? I need to know before I keep going," Lee said a bit urgently but still serious.

I was a bit shocked that Lee asked me this question. I hadn't told anyone but Oji- san, but I guess it was pretty obvious. I mean with the way I look at him or talk about him, it's a wonder Sakura hasn't figured it out. Or maybe she has and hasn't said anything.

"Yes," I answered quietly but with no hesitation. It was still embarrassing, especially knowing he wouldn't return my feelings. Hell, he wouldn't even look at me, so I could tell him and get rejected.

"He does too. Love you," I looked at Lee as though he grew a second head.

"Don't look at me like that Naru, it's true. Gai told me. That's what he would talk to me about, but right now I need you to listen to me because people are coming this way to get me now, okay?" Lee said, standing up and pulling me to my feet by the grip he had on my arm

"Lee you-" I said shaking my head, very confused.

"Naru, you need to listen and believe me and no matter what anyone else tells you or what you think you know. Understand? Kakashi loves you and has done something stupid, but he thinks he is doing the right thing. He thinks he is protecting you and making sure you’re happy because he couldn't see you loved him too," I nodded my head slowly, trying to grasp onto what Lee was telling me in a very rushed voice. 

I could see the shadow of ninja already on the way here, most likely the Anbu had them all under surveillance but I had a feeling Lee wasn't finished just yet.

"Naruto today is the 8th," he told me quickly. I nodded to him, knowing it wasn’t a statement but couldn’t help the action.

"You have two days to get to the Hidden Mist, get Kakashi and leave. You got that?" he told me while staring me dead in the eyes.

"Two days? Lee, that's an eight-day trip I can't make it i-" I was saying in a panic, there was absolutely no way I could make it.

"You have to okay? Promise me you'll make it Naruto, and when everything is overcome get Jiraiya-san and me out of confinement," the black-haired man told me with a smile.

"Why? What happens in two days, Lee?" I asked sending out shadow clones to try and buy us some more time.

"You need to leave now. They are coming after you too. They’ll try and stop you," he said turning around and trying to pull me along with him.

"Lee!" I said yanking my arm back and pulling him back to get him to look at me. He was confusing me; I just need answers. Answers I'm not getting and my panic was growing.

"Kakashi is going to finish his mission in two days. He is going to get married to the Mizukage of the Hidden Mist village," he said seriously. 

"Wha-" I shook my head trying to make sense of what he just said. Kakashi is going to get married? To the Mizukage? I almost shut down, the news almost too much for me. I understood now why no one wanted to tell me.

"But you said he loves me. Lee I don't-" Lee cut me off quickly with a shake to my shoulders.

"I know Naru, he thinks he’s protecting you, but you need to get moving now. Think about it later, you have two days. Good luck my friend. I'll go this way to distract them. I was on guard duty tonight in the east so my post should be open for another few minutes, you have that time to leave," with those few words he was gone a few of the shadows changing directions to follow.

Lee was right, I need to leave now, those shadows are getting closer.


	8. Talk Nineteen To The Dozen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify Kakashi and co left the village a day before Tsunade's party did so they arrived almost a day apart. Tsunade and her group are just arriving when we see them in this chapter. I didnt want to have to rewrite things to make that clearer in the story so heres your explanation. As always thanks for reading and if you see any errors please shoot me a DM. Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> ~May

** Chapter 8: Chapter 8 **

Chapter 8-

I quickly checked myself over making sure I had everything with me. I was dressed in my war garb, my red and black cloak billowing around me freely as I moved since I decided not to take the scroll, seeing as I wouldn't need it to fight any of my friends I may meet. I looked at my Hitai-ate that was sitting on the kitchen table where it was going to stay. This wasn’t something I wanted the village involved in.

I had a few of the standard ninja gear because you’d never know when it would come in handy but made sure to only take the very necessary.

_ 'You have food right kid? You're gonna need to eat,' Kurama said in an uncharacteristically worried tone. _

"Worried about me Kurama?" I chuckled even as I placed some more food quickly in a bag.

_ 'As if, I just don't want to hear your bitching if we don't get there on time. You'll be moaning and groaning the rest of your life,’ he grouched out as his tip-off temper reared its head. _

I laughed heading out of the door and sped through the village to get away as quickly as possible and start the trip. We decided to use Sage mode as soon as we left the village; no need to attract more attention with me glowing all over the place.

_ I'm coming for your dumb ass Kakashi. _

*_(*Kakashi*)_*

I don’t know how I quite managed to slip away from the team I was with or the ninja from the Mist village but if anyone were to find a way it would be me. I wanted to avoid anyone until I was sure my mask wouldn’t slip; it wouldn’t take me long anyway to get used to being in this place. This was a mission after all and if there was anything I was good at, it’s finishing my missions to the highest level of perfection I could possibly get.

All that said, I still rather not be subjected to the pure happiness and excitement that came from every crack and crevice of this place. The feeling was seeping from the walls and you can clearly see it written on the faces of those rushing about the place.

They were preparing for the wedding that was going to happen in two days and apparently the almost two months they had wasn’t enough time.

I tilted my head in contemplation as the thought that I will be staying here for the rest of my days came to mind. The Village Hidden in the Mist was definitely, um, different from the Hidden Leaf Village and I wasn’t sure how I’d take to the atmosphere of the whole place. The Mizukage’s dwelling was one of the bigger buildings in the village that seemed to serve as both her home and her office as a Kage.

I was lost in thought as I walked through the corridors, no one seeming to bother with me once they saw my headband. The warm sunny days spent lounging on a tree branch seemed to be gone now, since the Mist village is hidden in, well, mist. Do they have ramen as good as Ichiraku’s? 

I was thinking of all the small details of my life that I hadn’t had to think about before now and was suddenly mourning that I didn’t appreciate them enough while I was living through them day in and day out. I sighed as I rounded a corner when I bumped into someone who was rounding the same corner very abruptly. I caught the woman by the elbows to keep both of us from stumbling back, her auburn hair swayed as it flowed around her, both of us stilling to catch our bearings. I immediately recognized who I’d bumped into and wish my luck would finally change for the better, her jade green eyes moved upward to lock with my uncovered eye. 

"My apologizes Mizukage-san," I said as I released my hold on her elbows slowly to make sure she was steady on her feet. I bowed my head a bit and caught a glimpse of the beautifully patterned silk kimono she wore, the red swirls on a background of white stood out in the darker décor of the corridors of the place.

"Kakashi Hatake,” she said a bit subdued. It was a reaction I wasn’t surprised to receive seeing as I didn’t have the balls to greet her when I arrived like I was supposed to and it seems she isn’t the kind of person to not call someone out on their bullshit.

“Call me Mei, I’d hate to be called Mizukage-san from my fiancé,” she spoke again after a few seconds contemplating me, apparently thinking better of outing my rudeness from earlier. It was then that the rest of the people behind her rounded the corner. Tsunade-san along with Shikaku and Ao, the Mizukage’s attendant, stared me down, Tsunade particularly glaring.

"Mizukage-san I don't believe that-" I was cut off with a stern look from the woman and gave a sigh knowing she would not be taking no for an answer.

"I’ll call you Mei-san then, but I think it’s only fair for you to call me Kakashi," I told her with a small bow and a flirtatious wink. She nods with an appreciative look and slight giggle.

“Kakashi, nice of you to show your face,” Tsunade saw her opportunity to interject. I almost flinched at her tone but managed to keep my attitude. 

“Tsunade-san, I’m glad to see you made the trip safely. Good job Shikaku,” I said cheekily and gave the other ninja a pat on the shoulder that earned me a tired sigh from the other Jounin and a twitch from Tsunade.

The Hokage gave me a once over and from her face, I could tell she disapproved. I forewent a book that I usually carried with me as I walked, and I decided my Jounin vest was less comfortable than the navy-blue shirt that was clinging to me instead. The pants, in contrast to my shirt, hung loose on my hips and as always, my mask covered my face with my Hitai-ate covering one eye, my hair hanging a bit shaggily in my eyes since I hadn't cut it in a while but in all, I think I looked quite good, but it didn’t seem that Tsunade agreed with me.

She locked eyes with me, done with her inspection before speaking, “it doesn’t look like you slipped off to freshen up.”

I put my hand on my chest in a mock show of hurt to continue with my little skit, while both the ninja from the Leaf dead glared at me.

"I was looking forward to meeting you with the rest of your group when you arrived too," Mei joined the conversation again and I couldn’t tell if it was to defuse Tsunade’s anger or to feel included again, either way, it helped me.

"Despite what Lady Hogake may think I wanted to rest a bit before meeting my future wife. I've been traveling for the better part of eight days and didn’t want to look like a total mess in front of you," I told her with a small chuckle hoping that she would buy my gentlemanly answer even if I could see Shikaku rolling his eyes and Tsunade practically gag.

"I see," she said with a sly smile that she partially covered behind her hand, maybe not quite believing me but finding my answer amusing.

"In that case, I’ll let you get some rest, it was a pleasure to meet you outside of the war-zone Kakashi-san. I will send someone to you for dinner; we are celebrating your arrival today. Where can they find you?" she asked kindly.

"Where indeed do you find one who is always hidden in the shadows, miss?" I asked slyly, just to be a bit more charming than what I felt. She giggled a bit at the look on my face and nodded in understanding. They wouldn’t be able to find me.

"Very well then, dinner will be ready in a few hours, around 6,” she told me as she looked at Ao for confirmation. He glared at me but nodded his head at her to show she was correct in the assumption.

"Of course, Mei-san," I gave her a big smile and she nodded again as she moved past me, turning to wave once more before continuing down the hall Ao following at her heels at the leisure pace they were going.

I turned once to looked at Tsunade and Shikaku only to see her glaring at me still. I flashed her a smile before shunshining away to find a place to lounge. The layout of the building was simple to understand, it was a huge cylinder and a garden at the center on the lowest floor, though it looked to be very big and dense with trees, bushes and other foliage. It seemed like the perfect place to hide away for a couple of hours to me. I quickly made my way down and sighed heavily as I found a nice branch to land on and relax for a while.

The air was a bit chilly even if it was mid-October, in the Leaf village the chill didn’t start until the beginning of November and careful if it wasn’t closer to mid-month. Just the small change was enough to bring homesickness over me like I hadn’t known before, it was harder to lounge since the trees were different, the branches not as wide and the foliage not as leafy making it harder to stay hidden. I think I was finding faults in the place because it’s not  _ my _ place but all the same I’d try and keep my mind off negative thoughts now. Things became much easier to deal with when you ignored them.

I soon got used to the slight bite of the air, thankful that I’d chosen to wear my shirt that had sleeves and drifted into a light sleep not lying about the fact that I was tired. It was sometime later that I became aware of a presence close to me, a little too close. It didn’t feel threatening, so I didn’t startle too much especially knowing that any kind of threat making it into the building was unlikely seeing as most of the strongest ninja in the nation were occupying the Mizukage’s home.

I didn’t bother moving, in fact, the other presence near me was very calm and put me more at ease. I drifted between wakefulness and dozing in a light sleep before I heard a quiet voice finally speak up.

“I didn’t expect you to allow me so close,” I heard the calm voice ring from beneath the branch I was lounging in. The familiarity startled me a bit, not expecting the owner of the voice to be paired with the soothing aura he exuded. I cracked my eye open as I had to pull myself into full wakefulness and tilted my head slowly to look down at the redhead who was lounging against the trunk of the tree, his gourd was carefully set next to him.

It was strange to see the man here even though I knew the Kage and their entourage would be attending the wedding to show support for the other's in the alliance. He was so relaxed and remembering him as a child full of hate and anger the stark contrast was nice. I also didn’t mind the company of the man since he reminded me of someone else that I’m fond of.

“I didn’t sense any bad intentions from your presence and your energy was so soothing it helped me doze off,” I told him honestly as I tried to stifle the yawn that was wanting to escape. The Kazekage was silent for a few moments and I watched as a small smile pulled at his lip before he spoke again.

“I haven’t had anyone tell me that I have soothing energy before,” the slight amusement in his tone was heard. I found that bit of his personality funny seeing as he usually tried to play a serious role, which he manages to pull off rather well.

“It made my nap all the better,” I told him lightly and with a playful finality to make sure he took me seriously and not sarcastically.

“Actually, I remember Naruto telling me once that he liked being around me, maybe it was for a similar reason,” Gaara mentioned quickly as his eyebrows pulled in a bit as he thought back to the memory. I watched the red-haired man as he thought, interested in the way this interaction was going. It wasn’t much that Gaara and I talked in the past, I think the most had been when we fought in the war, which isn’t the best of circumstances to get to know anyone.

“It has to be, I could nap all day with you around,” I told him playfully as I stretched and stood from my perch, jumping the short distance to the ground to sit next to the other.

“That’s the second time someone has told me that though,” he mentioned lightly and with a fond smile. I could imagine just who it was who told him that since there was someone who never minded in speaking exactly what’s on their mind, but I was too smart to fall into a potential verbal minefield.

I smiled kindly at him as I turned to look at a few critters that decided it was safe to resume their foraging they must have been doing before our small conversation began. A comfortable silence enveloped us and I leaned back against the trunk of the tree almost ready to go back to sleep.

“The Mizukage wanted to send someone to find you to inform you that dinner is almost ready,” he said in his same quiet, melodic tone.

"That’s very kind of her, at home I’d be left without food," I said in a joking tone, hoping to avoid what I felt was coming fast.

"She is very kind, it only makes this situation all the more unfortunate," he said knowing exactly what I’d been trying to do and showed no mercy. I groaned internally because I knew I couldn’t escape the conversation this time, not that I didn’t appreciate the man’s wisdom but I’d rather ignore my problems and hope they got better.

I didn’t know what to say, which is rare since a quicksilver tongue is lifesaving on missions. I stayed silent and just watched the man as he finally pulled his attention from the garden in front of him and pinned his emerald green eyes on me.

"You know since I was a kid, I've admired you. Kakashi Hatake, the great copy ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village,” he started, and I felt a pang in my chest from his words. I have never in my life done anything to be admired and much less by children with a whole, bright future ahead of them.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you Kazekage-san,” I told him honestly. It was one of the few truthful comments I’ve made so honestly in the last couple of months. 

“Actually, it’s the very opposite Kakashi-san. I only hold much more admiration of you since the war and the acceptance of this mission,” Gaara said in such a clear and honest tone that I couldn't help but stare straight at him as I absorbed the comment.

“I don’t deserve your admiration Kazekage-san, especially for anything done during the war or this mission,” I told him, turning away not able to keep looking into the clear, honest green eyes. The young man shook his head and a small, sad smile replaced the gentle one he’d had earlier.

“I think that saving many lives and sacrificing the rest of yours, and your own happiness for others is something to be much admired Kakashi-san,” Gaara said in a factual tone, his eyebrows pulling in once again in a slight change of expression. It was strange that the young man had a very flat affect, but I knew exactly what he was thinking by the slight pull of the corner of his lips or the smallest tug of his eyebrows.

I turned to eye the man curiously, his choice of words revealing that he knew more than what he was willing to say in clear language.

"It sounds like you know something much more than what you’re letting on Kazekage-san,” I told him lightly just to let him know I’d caught on.

“Please call me Gaara, Kazekage-san is a mouthful and a hassle if it isn’t official business,” the young man said with a small sigh and I couldn’t help the smile that the sound pulled from me, the reaction sounding oddly familiar.

“Gaara-kun then,” I said with an affirmative nod and with that the man was satisfied enough to continue with our conversation.

"I’m not a fool Kakashi-san, it is very obvious if one knows both you and Naruto well. Plus, sand is my element, and let me tell you it gets everywhere. There are no whispers that escape me,” he told me with a sly, mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“That is a good tidbit of information to know, thank you for sharing,” I told him with an appreciative glance in his direction. With a handy ability like that, it was a good thing Gaara was Kazekage and not some tool. He was already dangerously smart, quick and deadly, if his skill were in the hands of someone who had bad intentions, things could have ended up badly for a lot of people.

"Since I gave you a little secret, I have a question I want to ask out of curiosity, would you mind answering?” the young man asked, and I couldn’t help be charmed by the endearing action.

“I would have answered had you not shared anything at all,” I told him honestly and with a small nod of his head he went on to ask his question.

“Why did you accept this mission?" he said quietly.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, I expected something along those lines, but I still dreaded actually hearing the words. I was going to stay calm and not let my emotions overflow, especially since it seemed easy to do so around Gaara. The other was the kind of person that allowed others to be at ease and lay their burdens down for a bit. I allowed my mask to come off, maybe a little too much.

"To protect Naruto. He always has to carry the weight of the world and I wanted to be able to protect him for once. He’s important to me and I wanted him to be happy back in the village he fought so hard for," I said honestly, and Gaara was able to read in between the line. He knew what I said was the utter truth, but he also knew there was more to it than what my words alone said. He nodded in understanding, seeing the sense in my self-sacrifice but he tilted his head to the side curiously, I just waited until he was ready to articulate what he was thinking.

"Does Naruto know of this arrangement? I don't think he would take something like this very well," the red-haired man asked.

"No, Naruto doesn't know since both Tsunade and I thought it would be better not to tell him," I said. It was true but I felt almost ashamed to say it out loud, especially with the disapproving look Gaara turned my way. Still, his only response was a light hum and a calm, but tense silence came over us. 

"You know Naruto changed me completely," Gaara spoke suddenly. I turned to look at the youth only to note he was still gazing away from me.

"Though I think he changes everyone he meets but I want to share something with you. It’s just a thought I have and I want you to be aware of it," He now turned to me, waiting for my response. I prompted him on with a nod of my head to continue, not sure where he was going with this train but listening intently.

"Why would Naruto come after and save me from the Akatsuki? I thought about that for many, many nights after it happened. I never came up with a decent answer, so I decided to ask him directly. He told me the only reason he came to save me was that I am his friend and he would do anything to save his friends," he said and I nodded slowly, digesting that and smiling at the very Naruto answer. He watched me for a few seconds before he found what he was looking for in my expression and continued.

"So, if Naruto does anything to save his friends because of the great love he holds for them, what makes anyone believe he would not find out about this little plot and stop it, for the one person he loves above everyone else?" he asked knowingly as his intelligent emerald eyes seemed to bore holes into me just trying to pry the answer out of me. I shook my head not knowing what exactly to answer and a rare, full smile graced Gaara's face. It was a warm look of understanding and sympathy.

Gaara’s smile spoke of his knowledge of what it was like not to be able to comprehend the great love Naruto held for him. Gaara stood and headed back towards the building, slinging his gourd skillfully over his shoulder and calling back to me that it was time for dinner to start. I stood numbly and slowly followed the path the young man took, thinking over the conversation I just held.

_ Did Gaara just tell me that Naruto loves me? _


	9. Somnium Noxium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof strap in for some drama. I wrote it and I was cringing at it. The title is in Latin so you'll have to translate it if you're curious xP the hardest thing at this point is naming each fucking chapter guys LOL anyway enjoy!  
> P.s.I hope everyone is keeping themselves safe during this scary time.
> 
> ~May

Chapter 9-

_ It was a quiet evening as I walked through the Leaf Village streets. It was a peaceful, serene feeling that came from the village as I continued on my path, the sun hanging low in the sky, but still high enough to supply a couple of hours of daylight. Children were sitting on the edge of the river, a few diving in and a few of the older genuin ninja waved at me as I walked by. _

_ I smiled at the calmness that came from being in this place, this is how life was supposed to be, just filled with these feelings of security and safety I got walking down these streets and winding paths. It was such a contrast to the fear and hate that flowed through here during the war and I was filled with pride to watch younger generations grow up not only being happy and healthy, safe and protected, but strong and bright like a certain man that I knew. _

_ Yeah, if these kids could grow up to be anything like Naruto, the bright light of Konoha, then the future looked good.  _

_ I was making my way to one of the larger parks in Konoha now. I watched a bit on a bench as some of the younger kids ran by, their mother following behind them at a more leisure pace. I decided to sit on an old swing set that the kids seem to have forgotten about. I needed to move, a restless feeling suddenly bubbling up from inside me, but I wanted to stay in this tranquility. I slowly started to push off the ground, moving just enough to keep my anxiousness from growing when suddenly the swing next to me was moving much faster than mine. There was a burst of booming laughter coming from the man that sat in the swing and his bright hair and smile were unmistakable. That combination of sweet laughter and smile is so stunning I swear it could stop hearts. _

_ I watched him a bit as he was having so much fun there on the swing, no care in the world troubling him and I didn’t notice that my swing had stopped its movement. He turned to me with his smile still set in place, but his laughter giggling down into nothingness as he gazed at me expectantly, the swing slowing to a stop. _

_ "Ne Kakashi-sensei," his head cocked curiously and his eyes glittering. That look meant he had something to say and he wouldn’t let anyone stop him from doing so.  _

_ "You know, I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now," he said in a serious voice, the tone carried weight to it. Times like this reminded me that he was no longer the young boy that I knew him as, he’d grown up, seen and done things he never should have been forced to experience, and overcome them to become a good man. _

_ "Naruto?" I asked dumbly since it seemed that was all I was able to say. I had a million things I wanted to tell him at this moment, but my mouth wouldn’t open. I felt I had been gone for years, like I had not been able to act with Naruto how I wanted as if I was restricted, held back, by what or who I did not know.  _

_ "Kakashi, I love you. I always have, and I always will, " he told me simply. _ _ I could feel my heart soar high and drop low all in an instant.  _

_ Does Naruto love me? He feels the same way I do? That was too incredible. Was this a dream? _

_ No, it couldn't be, not when he was looking at me with that determined look in his eyes. Eyes that always spoke the truth and looked at me with such care, and... love. _

_ "I love you too," I forced the words through my throat that felt like it was closing up. My chest felt so much lighter with the truth out, but the words felt like acid in my mouth. I sat looking at the ground trying to figure out what was this feeling of guilt and betrayal? _

_ I looked up quickly when cool fingertips brushed my exposed cheek as I saw Naruto standing in front of me, looking me straight in the eye with all the love in the world. He could love me for all the people who cursed and hated me. _

_ The next thing I knew he’d dropped to his knees and I was wrapped in his strong arms. Oh, how it felt so right to be held by this man. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him back with everything I had. _

_ "Kakashi, I will be yours forever. No one else's," He whispered to me, making my heart stutter in its rhythm.  _

_ He pulled away and his fingers gently pulled away all the fabric covering my face, those same fingers running through my hair and his hand cupping my face. I gazed into his beautiful, clear eyes with my mismatched ones. _

_ "I love you Naruto," I breathed as his lips met mine. The kiss sweet and gentle, it showed me his love and I showed him mine; it was perfect. _

_ We pulled away from each other after the need to breathe came up, and we panted slightly as we leaned our foreheads together. I have no idea when I closed my eyes, or when I moved so my head rested on his chest, but I felt the steady and even beating of his heart and I moved my arms to hold him tighter. I ran my hands slowly up and down his strong back, feeling the muscles as they held me tight just appreciating his closeness. When had I become so affectionate? _

_ "I love you too Kakashi," he replied quietly. _

_ "Kakashi?" a feminine voice broke through our own little world we had wrapped ourselves in. The hurt and sadness shattered my heart in a way I didn’t think was possible in this situation. _

_ I turned and saw Mei standing there in utter shock. Betrayal and sorrow were etched into her face, no, it was etched into her very being. _

_ "Mei?" I asked in confusion stepping closer to her, wanting to comfort her. I completely forgot about Naruto at my back as something compelled me to want to give my whole attention to my wife. Wife? I paused in confusion again, not quite sure what was happening as I was torn between happiness and concern. _

_ "Kakashi, you're cheating on me," she mumbled in disbelief to herself. She backed away from me as I stepped closer until the backs of her knees bumped the edge of a conveniently placed park bench and she sat roughly. _

_ I crouched in front of her, not remembering ever taking a step, and rubbed small circles into her knees as I tried to comfort her. At my touch, her beautiful jade eyes shimmering with tears as some already carved out tracks down her face snapped into focus on my face. _

_ "I thought you loved me!" she accused, shoving my hand away as she wrapped her arms around herself, and I probably would have felt better if the words were yelled instead of whispered on a heartbroken breath. _

_ "That's what you told me! You're such a liar! Was everything a lie Kakashi? All these 7 years have been nothing to you? In love with a boy! You said you loved me when I gave myself to you, when I trusted you, when I gave you your children. I can’t believe- You!" she cried not even able to finish her thought. She shook her head roughly in denial, her hands coming up to cradle her head as if it was going to explode any second. _

_ "Mei, I do love you. Please listen to me," I told her softly hoping to get her to listen to me. I wasn’t sure why she was crying anymore, my memory already fuzzy. My full focus was in trying to figure out why my once again pregnant wife was crying. _

_ "You’re a liar," I hear the words echo again behind me in a familiar, young voice. _

_ “Naru?” I asked a bit dazed. There stood a young Naruto, maybe about the age he first went searching after Sasuke, teeth digging deeply into his trembling lip and his fists clenched tightly. Mei was gone, simply not there. Tears pooled in Naruto's eyes and quickly reached a breaking point, spilling and creating rivers down his young face. _

_ "What do you mean Naru-?" I tried as I stood to get closer to him but the boy cut me off. _

_ "I hate you Kakashi sensei!" he screamed at me, the air around him bubbling and increasing to high temperatures, even the horizon behind him now a deep red that was far too ominous to ignore. _

_ "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You're a liar! I never wanna see you again Kakashi sensei!" he screamed louder.  _

_ "Naruto, please calm down," I tried moving towards him, only to be thrown back by flying debris that came crashing into me accompanied by a screeching roar. I turned in the direction the noise and debris came from to see fires raging across the village and carnage everywhere. Villagers were screaming as they ran from the raging Nine Tales that stood in the center of the chaos. _

_ Naruto clutched at his hair and curled in on himself as a whirlwind picked up from Naruto's body, causing dirt and objects to fly. _

_ "Naruto!" I called over the whistling air and only heard his screams as a reply. The next thing I know a shadow descended over me, and I see the Kyuubi standing over me with Naruto held tightly in his grip as the boy screamed in pain and anger. _

_ "NARUTO!" I screamed as the Kyuubi released a Tailed Beast Bomb aimed directly at me. _

I woke with a start. I was drenched in sweat, my shirt sticking to me as I jolted to a sitting position immediately upon waking and glanced around me quickly trying to decipher where I was, trying to remember what was going on.

I realized I was in a guest room of the Mist as I tried calming my erratic breathing and try and stall my heart from collapsing. Everything was just a dream. Fuck.

I huffed out a heavy breath and ran a hand through my silver hair which didn't turn out so well, seeing as it was so sweat-drenched that it was sticking to my skin. Grunting in displeasure, I slowly stood from the bed, not even thinking about trying to go back to sleep.

Deciding it would be disgusting not to take a shower first I stepped into the bathroom and started the water. Stripping down and stepping under the stream of relaxing water I pushed the nightmare to the back of my mind, not wanting to acknowledge any part of it.

There was only a day left before I was married, and I didn’t want something like a nightmare to further my descent to madness. After finishing my shower and getting dressed, a knock came at my door that turned out to be Tsunade. I greeted her with a good morning and inquired what I could do for her.

"Let's go take a walk Kakashi, there’s something I want to talk to you about," she said getting straight to the point.

*_(*Naruto*)*_*

_ “You’re not gonna make it kid,” _ Kurama's voice flitted through my mind. We’d been going at a breakneck pace and it still wasn’t enough, the Mist was still days out and I had a little over a day to cover all that ground.

"I know," was all I said as I pour more chakra into pushing myself to go a bit faster.

"I have to get there on time. It won’t mean shit if I don't get there on time Kurama," I said with desperation. There wasn’t anything else I could do at this point, all my other options were slower than the speed I was going and I couldn’t think of anything new that could help.

Silence reigned for a bit as I could feel Kurama thinking the situation over and heard him sigh before he finally spoke up again.

_ “There’s something we could do, but you aren't going to like it,”  _ he said a bit uneasy which could only mean I really wasn’t going to like the idea.

I was about to ask what it was when I caught sudden movement to my right, the presence of strong chakra blipped into my mind and I barely had any time to put up a defense before an attack came at me. Shadows shot out towards me, the winding limbs curling and zipping at a high speed from directly in front of me which didn’t leave me with very many options. I barely dodged them, but that didn’t mean it was pretty, I tumbled to the forest floor and somehow managed to get my feet under me before I hit the ground.

I prepared myself for another attack as the four ninjas that were surrounding me came closer, but none came. I knew at least one of the attackers and wasn’t surprised to see my friends after clearing away some dirt from my eyes with my sleeve. There standing in front of me were Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, and Hinata and remembered quickly that they left with Baa-chan a couple of days ago.

"Naruto, go back to the village," Shikamaru commanded in a stern, no-nonsense tone and all I could do was stare at him like he lost his mind, shaking my head once just for shits and giggles. We held each other's steely gaze for what felt like a long ass time before he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re so fucking troublesome, this is such a drag," he bit out with some venom to the statement, obviously not liking the amount of work he had to do. Even under the circumstances, I found myself cracking a smile since he never really says those words anymore.

"Naruto, please. Kakashi sensei is doing this to protect the village... and you. Let him do something for you, at least this once, please," Hinata spoke softly like she was talking to an animal that was ready to bolt, trying to convincing me to go back.

Brushing myself off completely I gave them all a once over and decided that they didn’t really want to stop me and that they didn’t really want to hurt me either. They probably saw me from a mile away, if the glowing hadn’t given me away, Ino’s ability sure tipped them off before my getting to the area. And if they had that much time to plan an attack they would have already executed it by now.

I ignored Ino, Choji, and Hinata and focused on Shikamaru pinning him with a good glare before telling him that I would do what I always did and that was to protect the ones I love. They all smile at me, minus Shikamaru who only cracked a grin, glad to know that I never change. They apologized for having to keep up the act and gave me blessings on the trip and prayed I get there in time.

I left in a hurry already behind schedule and needed to make up the time I lost, the words I told them still ringing in my ears, “ _ I will not let anyone sacrifice themselves for me, because there isn't a need for it. I love Kakashi, and I will not let my sensei make a mistake. I will bring him back while still being allies with the Hidden Mist. Watch me.” _

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of this situation, no one wanted Kakashi sensei to go through with this marriage and now they were all counting on me to bring him back. I couldn't help the smile that cracked my face at their stupidity.

"Thanks, guys," I mumbled in thanks for my friends always believing in me.

“Now Kurama, what’s that idea of yours?” I asked the fox, knowing I wasn’t going to like the idea but not having any other choice if I wanted to get to the Mist in time. I could feel the evil slip through Kurama’s smirk and felt an uneasy feeling curling in my stomach.

_ “Well kid,” _ the fox started, the smirk only growing bigger and more sinister.


	10. :adj. deprived of the power of sensation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope everyone is doing well and keeping sane in this weird time with the global crisis going on. Make sure to be keeping yourselves safe! Anyway, here in the next chapter and tbh it's one of my favorite ones, the next two also just because all the dreary, sadness and self-loathing are at a minimum from here on! Enjoy!

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

Chapter 10-

I heaved another heavy sigh, not pleased to be sitting here. Some servants rushed about grabbing fabrics here and there as the tailor called out to them to get this or that. The man would have to have some serious skill to make a formal kimono in a day, and if he pulled it off it would be very impressive. 

He was still angry at me not liking it in the least when I told him I would not be removing my mask for the ceremony. He ranted for hours! Or at least that’s what it felt like and gosh was he going off the deep end, of course I waited patiently and calmly until he finally cooled down.

I did agree to leave my eye uncovered trying to keep the man from having a heart attack right in front of me, but now he had the poor servants scrambling about in a terror because of his anger. I honestly found it amusing as the man’s veins were still showing from his frustration but all the same, I ignored him as he took more measurements and chose more fabrics since I had a reputation to maintain.

With the silence and nothing to keep myself entertained since Tsunade confiscated all my reading materials, I sat with only my thoughts to go through. Now that I thought about Tsunade I couldn’t help but remember the conversation we had earlier in the morning on our walk.

_We walked along a path that wound its way through the beautiful garden in the center of the building a silence and peacefulness settled between the both of us as we continued to stroll, but there was weight that settled in the air, something telling me that this was going to be an intimate conversation._

_"Have I ever told you stories from when I was in a team with those idiots?" Tsunade asked suddenly. She didn’t have to hint anymore as to who she was talking about, just the words “team” and “idiots” was enough for me to know she meant the other two sannin._

_"No, you haven't," I answered softly not wanting to break the peaceful bubble that was surrounding us._

_"It long after my lover and brother died," she said with a strong voice that only hinted of sadness. It was the kind of voice that hinted the owner had surpassed a great pain but the topic still was able to rub old wounds the wrong way._

_I turned my gaze to look her over, her expression held the same tone as her voice had, it was solemn and draw, pain laced into her features yet strength and hope locked tight in her eyes. I couldn’t help but feel that her expression must be the complete opposite of how I must look lately. As I’ve been in the Mist I could tell that others were buying my act of the confident, renowned Kakashi of the Sharingan, and I felt a bit more like myself being outside the Leaf village but everyone from Konoha and I knew that it was all a lie. I was just pushing my problems to the side and it seemed to be working in what I needed at the moment which was not to think about much. I set my face into a calm and unbothered expression, knowing this conversation was going to hit a little too close to home. I was mindful of my posture and expressions hoping that they weren’t too laced with signs of crushed hopes and dreams of lost love._

_"It was complicated back then. I think it's one of the reasons Orochimaru turned to forbidden techniques and eventually left the village. It was stupid, everything was ruined because of a love triangle," She chuckled a bit but the haunting kind that reminded you that not everything in life can be taken back._

_"Orochimaru told me maybe a year and a half after my lover died that he was in love with Jiraiya. I was shocked by what he told me, but none the less wished him luck but I remember the small pang in my heart from hearing those words that day. It wasn’t until a long time after that when I realized that pang was disappointment,” she said as we moved deeper into the garden._

_It was getting chillier in the early morning and the path more uneven so I offered Tsunade my arm without thinking too hard about the gesture. She smiled warmly at me and wrapped her arm with mine, pulling herself closer to me and we both relished in the combined heat. I smiled a bit under my mask, we didn’t usually have small moments like this but they were nice when they happened._

_“A few weeks later, he came to me again but the poor man was so heartbroken. Orochimaru told me that he went to talk to our teammate, but that Jiraiya responded with, “I'm sorry, but I am in love with the women who has captured my heart.” She easily continued her story as she leaned a bit closer to me, and it was then that I remembered that she hated the cold. I winced a bit at hearing the rejection, glad I didn’t have to hear those words myself and gaining a new respect for Orochimaru for having the courage to tell Jiraya._

_“I remember that those words left a deep pain in my chest, both for Orochimaru’s sake and a bit of my own, and it was afterwards that Orochimaru changed. I think that everything got to be too much for him and he left. I think he always thought that something was wrong with him, and I believe with all my heart that that was why he started doing experiments, to try to find a way to be perfect,"_ _She paused and took a breath, turning her face to look at me with eyes filled with sadness._

_Years of wisdom and pain reflected on her face, yet pure intentions were seen as a small smirk overtook her features and it had me remembering that this woman was one of the most mischievous people that I knew._

_"Years passed and I tried to forget my life from Konoha after I abandoned the village and left Jiraya behind I felt like I didn’t deserve to remember that place. I was doing alright for myself until the day when he and a little snot-nosed brat came looking for me, and they managed to convince me to return to the village as the new Hokage,” she said with an affection that only a mother could have. I know Tsunade never had kids but to her and Jiraya, Naruto was the closest thing to a son they would ever have and the love they have for him showed in everything they did._

_“Fuck, I hate remembering all the troubles that came afterwards, Naruto was the biggest headache I could have ever imagined, and things got worse when he started to get into trouble! Sasuke leaving, Orochimaru, the Akatsuki they just didn’t fucking stop,” she groaned, and I couldn’t keep the grin off my face at her antics._

_“But then Nagato and the Six Paths of Pain became a problem and suddenly Jiraiya had to leave again, only this time was different even though neither of us knew it at the moment. I asked him the day before he left, ‘Where is that woman you were so in love with when Orochimaru confessed to you?’” I turned to look at her as she pulled us to a stop, her eyes dead ahead as though she was locked in the memory she was retelling._

_“His answer was to stand up, place money on the table and walk to the door of the bar almost walking out before he looked over his shoulder and said, “I just had a drink with her” and left, not coming back until after the war," I stayed silent as she wrapped up her tale, the story coming to its end._

_"Do you know how stupid I felt that I didn't realize I loved him almost my entire life until the day we received his message thinking he was dead?"_ _Her eyes looked glassy, the pain most likely still very fresh even as Jiraiya sat back in the village recuperating._

 _"Don't wait till the moment you realize you could have had something Kakashi. It isn't too late to back out, Mei will understand,” she said tugging at my arm lightly to get me to look directly at her. I was reminded that Tsunade-san was much older and wiser than she looked and at that moment that she was begging me to reconsider, I felt as though I saw her age on her._ _I smiled at her, my gratitude palpable as I regarded her and we both knew my answer was clear and final before I even spoke it._

_"As long as there is a chance for one of the younger shinobi to be put in my place, I won’t be leaving it,” I replied._

_Tsunade bit her lip harshly and turned her face downward as the glassiness in her eyes from earlier returned. She nodded quickly and turned away to head in a different direction,_ _"Fine then, but I hope this all works out, and I wish you happiness," she said in a shaky voice._

_I smiled at her back thanking her loud enough for her to hear me and didn’t bother waiting for the response that was never going to come._

It made me sad to see the strong sannin with pain in her eyes, but I was happy that as soon as this wedding was over she could go back to the village and be with the one she loved and they could all forget about this. The hope and happiness that was in her eyes when she spoke of the love she had for Jiraiya is what I am trying to protect. I want all the young ninjas in the village to be able to go back to their loved ones, not to someone they were bound to.

I thought about being able to see that look in Naruto's eyes and it brought a bit of joy to me, even if I knew it wasn't going to be directed at me. It never was going to be anyway, but to know that I could keep that look on his face if I went through with the wedding was enough to make me grit my teeth and continue with these preparations.

"Very well," The tailor's voice broke the silence between us and brought me out of my thoughts after what felt like a few painstaking hours. I wasn’t sure how much time passed in the time I’d spaced out so I just looked up into his stressed eyes waiting for him to continue.

"I have everything I need. Please return later tonight, the latest will be early tomorrow morning, to fit the kimono and make any adjustments," I nodded at his words and left the room to find something more entertaining to do.

As I walked aimlessly a thought occurred to me that was pretty important. Will I be allowed to leave the Mist village? With that came any more questions that weren’t answered and were important enough that I needed answers to them, so with that in mind I headed off to have a conversation with Mei. Since the wedding was tomorrow, I’d like to have all the details ironed out before I get a nasty surprise after the fact.

I spread out my senses to try and find the woman in this massive building since I couldn’t detect which chakra was whose from this distance I decided to pick a direction where one of the stronger ones were and hope I got lucky, and did I! 

Only after changing directions three times, insert annoyed eye roll here. I finally located the Mizukage and wasn’t surprised to find her having breakfast, the small balcony where she was made for easy access.

I jumped up to the balcony after a few seconds to give her a chance to sense that I was in the area, so I didn’t startle her. She was the Mizukage but I’d been an elite ninja able to conceal my presence for a long time now. She greeted me kindly as I climbed down from the railing I’d landed on and joined her at the table when she offered the seat.

“I didn’t expect a visit from you,” she said in a soft tone. I watched her sip her tea as she looked at me expectantly waiting for an answer.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see the beautiful woman I’m going to marry?” I asked her in a light tone, forcing a slow smile on my face. She watched me for another second before snorting lightly and putting her tea back to the table with an amused smirk on her face. I tilted my head curiously at her, wanting to see what she’d say next, she was a smart woman and her antics made me curious of her. 

“You’re a very good actor Kakashi-san, you would have had me fooled if you hadn’t been avoiding me so well,” she said using the same light tone I’d used before. Shit, caught red-handed and now it’d be even worse to lie to her. Fuuuuck. I eyed her a few more seconds not wanting to give myself away if this was a bluff but not wanting to stick my foot in my mouth if it wasn’t. Did Tsunade say anything to her? I didn’t even think about that.

“I guess I’m going to have to fix that from now on then,” I told her neutrally, she smiled again, slyly hiding it behind her cup again.

“Can we be a bit more honest with each other? I’m tired of having to pretend in front of everyone that this is such a happy thing, I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with you but,” she sighed not finishing her sentence and it surprised me a bit to see her a bit more human-like. Until now she’d played the perfect part as the Mizukage of the village hidden in the Mist and this change of character was refreshing.

“I’ll try not to take offense to that, but yeah I agree to be more honest. This is the first I’ve heard about you not being happy with the arrangement,” I told her, curiosity tinting my voice hoping that she’d elaborate.

“I don’t think anyone would be happy with marrying someone they didn’t love and hardly knew,” she replied smartly, and I couldn’t help the small smirk that crept onto my lips.

“That’s true, but it shouldn’t matter if there isn’t anyone better, not that I’m the best option mind you,” I told her just to play the devil’s advocate. She gave me a look that said she wasn’t buying into my shit and that I’d better stop fooling around with her. My smirk grew a little because little did she know that giving people shit was one of my favorite pass times, you know when I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself constantly.

“Please Kakashi, I’m sure you figured out already that there’s someone I already love, and it wasn’t that hard for me to figure out you love someone too,” she said taking a bite out of one of the many muffins piled in the center of the table that looked to be just baked. I helped myself to a muffin without asking and propped myself more comfortably into the chair I was in instead of sitting correctly.

“Well from this conversation I did gather that, but why didn’t you just marry whoever it is you’re in love with? Do they not know?” I asked nosily. Did I care that I was being nosy? Nope. I wanted to figure out who I really needed to blame for this shame of a wedding and the way it was going, I don’t think it’s Mei.

“Yes they know, it was because the elders wanted a bond with the Hidden Leaf village. They were hoping Tsunade would offer up someone else but they were quite happy when they heard you accepted,” Mei said as she finished off her muffin and tea, pushing the plate away from herself. She leaned back in the chair and faced me head-on with a curious look on her face, and I already knew I was going to get a barrage of questions back.

“So why did **you** accept the mission? Did you not want to stay with your person?” she asked, poking the prod a little deep on that one. I didn’t blame her since I’d been avoiding the woman the last few days like she was the plague.

“They don’t know about my feelings, and they have someone _else_ that they’re with,” I told her a bit sadly, a bit of resentment seeping into the statement. She gave me a sympathetic look and leaned forward to put her hand to cover mine in a gesture to comfort me. Her heat surprised me as it blazed across my chilly skin, but I shouldn’t be surprised given her jutsu and personality. Right now, she was like a slow-burning fire but I’d seen her when she was a blazing inferno.

“This mission helped me protect the younger ninja in the village and benefits the village with being official allies with the Mist, so here I am,” I finished my reasoning to her and the look in her eyes softened just a bit.

“I’d heard of your ruthlessness and thought I’d be meeting a very cold-hearted person, but the person in front of me is a very good man. I’m sorry this had to happen to you,” she said sincerely.

“To both of us,” I corrected her, not wanting her to forget that she was also sacrificing something, that she still mattered in this equation.

She watched me with something in her eyes that I wasn’t too sure how to react to, I couldn’t name it, but I had to consciously hold the tears from welling in my eyes, the stinging starting.

“Anyway, I don’t think you finally came to talk to me about this, what did you want to ask me?” she asked insightfully. 

“Well I was curious what will happen after the wedding,” I told her, happy with the slight change in topic. She raised her eyebrow at me with a look that I immediately tried to rectify.

“Not like that!” I said quickly, thankful for the mask covering my face as I could feel the heat spreading fast along my cheeks. She outright laughed at my fucking flustering around and I just sat until she was done laughing at me.

“I meant things about my responsibilities, about me traveling, about my career as a ninja, financially, where I’ll be staying, things like that,” I told her trying to gain my composure back after she stopped laughing.

She sobered up quickly at my questions, her hand falling away from mine and landing back in her lap as she stared at me. The reaction was strange, and I already knew the answers to my questions weren’t going to be good for me.

"Kakashi, I’m sorry. Once you become a symbol for the Hidden Mist, considering the delicate situation here already, the elders already discussed the role you’ll have. They don’t want you leaving the village unless it’s for business, as for your ninja duties," Mei answered slowly as she watched for my reaction.

“I’m relieved from them and I’ll be a pet for the village,” I told her seriously cutting her off, not liking the answer at all. The thought hadn’t occurred to me that I’d be locked in a cage with no way out other than to do as I was told. I thought I’d left that part of my life behind, but it seemed I couldn’t escape it.

“I didn’t want for it to be like this and I don’t want you to feel like that but-” Mei tried explaining but I didn’t want to hear any more.

“But there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I understand,” I told her, knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do about it and I didn’t want to be angry or to resent Mei, it looked like she was just much a puppet as I was.

I stood up not really knowing what to do with myself at the moment, I knew I would never be able to go back to my village and see anyone close to me. Not Gai, not Jiraiya, not any of the young shinobi, and not Naruto. Not being able to see those bright, sky blue eyes twinkling with laughter again would kill me. Not being able to see his smile or that cocky smirk, or the saucy look he gave me when trying to make me buy ramen for him would leave me empty.

There wouldn’t be any more small and intimate moments when he came to me for advice or even him using me as a pillow when we would go on missions. My heart stuttered at the knowledge, my mind roared at me to reject the entire mission and return to the village as fast as possible and tell Naruto exactly how I feel, but my body remained calm and I simply nodded to Mei, my eyes downcast.

"Thank you for your time Mei-san," I said numbly and left the room even as I heard her call for me. I turned and gave her a small smile to try and quell her concern and felt her stare on my back as I quickly climbed the railing and shunshined away. Honestly, I don’t know what to think, but I knew how I felt and I was scared that I would feel this way the rest of my life.

_Numb._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, ngl I'm sorry. This chapter feels too short and like it didn't have enough in it but I actually enjoyed editing it as I read through it again. Just dont be too mad at me! I swear I love you guys but I love being dramatic too xD  
> ~May

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

Chapter 11-

“Are you ready Kakashi sensei?” I heard Sasuke’s voice call from the doorway. He was leaning against the doorframe looking at my back, nodding a bit. Sakura popped her head from behind him at the all-clear nod she got from her boyfriend.

“You look amazing Kakashi sensei,” Sakura said warmly with a small smile on her face. Sasuke turned to pin her with a glare that she ignored altogether and walked into the room to hug me, earning an even bigger glare from Sasuke. I hid an amused smirk at the other man’s jealousy, some things just never changed.

“Thank you,” was all I told her as I gave her a quick squeeze and pulled away to look at her face again.

“You’re welcome. The colors really looking nice on you,” she gave an approving nod and asked again if I was ready.

“As ready as I ever will be,” I told them and headed out the door with Sasuke flanking my right side while Sakura helped me holding the ends of the kimono so they didn’t drag along the floor, I didn’t care too much if my kimono robe got dirty but the poor tailor worked so hard and the dirt would be too noticeable on the stark white lining.

We walked in silence to where the outdoor ceremony was being held and I could tell them both had something to say but didn’t speak up which was weird for them. I took a deep breath as I could still see people running around putting finishing touches on things here and there and decided to beat them to the punch.

“I guess this will be the last mission we work together, I know all of team 7 isn’t here but even if you guys were the worst team of the bunch, I wouldn’t pick another one,” I told them seriously.

Sakura dove into my chest in a hug that was almost crushing my ribs and held me tight without saying anything, reminding me of just a few days ago. Sasuke stood silently in the time it took Sakura to let me go and seemed normal until I noticed he wouldn’t look me in the face, I smiled at his antics. I laid a heavy hand on his head, something I haven’t done in many years, and pushed the door that was blocking out the ceremony.

The air was the chilliest it’s been in my time in the Mist and I was thankful for all the layers of clothes I had on. A man quickly walked up to me as all eyes turned to the entryway I stood in and quickly ushered me down the aisle to wait on a raised platform for the ceremony to start. I looked around, taking the surrounding in to at least try and remember what the wedding was like later on. The decorations were in a soft arrangement of whites and greys that stood out against the very flat background color palette that seemed to be a theme in the Mist.

I took notice of both the group of chairs grouped in two sets in front of the platform where I stood and the people that were eyeing me sitting in those very chairs. The wedding was going to be a bit different than the traditional ones from the Leaf village.

Shikaku was allowed to come up onto the platform with me and took his position up on my left and just waited in silence. He knew that just his presence at my side made me feel more at ease, the position on my left side being occupied by him for more than half our lifetimes. I finally got the guts to look over the crowd of attendees and saw they were mostly made up of high officials from other villages, including the other four Kage. I could see Sasuke and Sakura taking seats at the very back of one of the groups of chairs sitting next to the other lower-ranking Leaf village shinobi that were part of this mission.

I tried to avoid their sad gazes and decided that I would try to enjoy the moment, no matter how bittersweet it was. I’m finally getting married, and some of the most important people to me were here to support me, sure I wasn't marrying the one I imagined my life with, but I was lucky. I should feel privileged to be marrying Mei, the powerful Mizukage and the saving grace for the Hidden Mist and I would make sure that I tried my hardest on this mission because this was just the beginning of it.

It was with that thought that Mei decided to walk out of the entryway that I passed through not a few minutes ago. She looked amazing in her kimono robe that complemented mine perfectly, the light blues and bleach whites stood out against the color of her auburn hair and made the perfect match to mine.

She arrived at the end of the aisle while her attendant Ao held her arm, I could see in his face a pain that screamed that he rather be getting tortured than being here at the moment. I guess that answered the question of who the Mizukage’s lover was.

They walked closer to the alter with Mei looking gorgeous, her hair flowing behind her in loose waves as the guests stood in respect and the older, stiff, traditional elders were heard muttering approvingly at the choice of pairing and the designs chosen for the both of us, ignorant of the sacrifice everyone made to appease them.

I could do nothing as the moment arrived and I waited until Mei took the spot next to me, one of the servants adjusting our robes for the sake of looking good. I rolled my eyes in annoyance and had to hold off the urge to kick them away. Mei smiled as she eyed my form giving me a soft compliment on the clothes I was wearing.

"Compliment your tailor, he’s very skilled and quick with his work," I told her just as softly not able to add the charming wink I would have liked just for good measure. She smiled again at me and I guess she could tell I was trying to stay lighthearted in the situation.

"I’ve been given the honor of joining these two shinobi for a lifetime," one of the elders of the Hidden Mist village said. I kept my mouth shut but that didn't deter my steel-gray eye to pierce whoever or whatever it was gazing at, and right now it was one of the idiotic elders that have put us through this.

We were both made to repeat the shinobi vow, each of us cutting our fingers, pledging to the vow with a blood seal. It was a ritual done to remind both shinobi that they had a duty to others before themselves, to remind us that we were still ninjas. Though I guess in my case it doesn’t matter since they just want me to sit, look pretty and rot away slowly.

Anyway, it came time to exchange the cups of sake as the elder wrapped our hands in a silk fabric, representing who knows what bullshit that is meant here in the Hidden Mist village and watched as Mei slowly sipped the sake until it was gone. Everyone’s eyes turned to me expectantly waiting for me to drink my own that we all knew was superficial. I wanted to just down the damn alcohol, but I sipped it like I was supposed to, and someone took the cups from our hands as the elder instructed us in how to tie the ribbon into a knot.

I was glad that Tsunade insisted that there be a chance for someone to object to our marriage, seeing as it was a “tradition” in the Leaf village I think she was just trying to give me one last out. As the elder asked the question bitterly he eyed everyone in attendance as if daring anyone to speak up, his gaze lingering heavily on Ao. The one-eyed man only bowed his head in silence, not able to look at Mei as she turned to him with hope shining in her eyes.

"Very well then,” the elder chipped happily, turning back to look at us. Suddenly there was a huge gust of wind whipping through the area where the ceremony was being held. The day wasn’t sunny at all, none of the days in the Mist really could be counted as “sunny” but it felt as though the temperature dropped further and the sky darkened.

We all eyed the sky questioningly, confused at the strange change in weather but the elder decided to wrap up the ceremony obviously coming to the conclusion everyone else had to have arrived at, rain.

“To seal the oaths taken today the couple will share a kiss, officially making you husband and wife," the elder spoke happily if a bit rushed to hopefully get back inside.

I took a deep breath and turned to face Mei, the look in her eyes a weird mixture of feelings that were probably reflected in my own. I tugged the ribbon that we still held the ends of and pulled her closer, lifting my hand to rest gently on the side of her face. She closed her eyes as I laid my forehead to her, not able to kiss her right away.

This was the end of my life, not in a dramatic way but my career, my village, my love, all of it ended with this. Mei opened her eyes and I could see tears pooling in her eye, and these weren’t the happy kind.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered in a heartbreaking voice.

I shook my head just a bit since we were still pressed together and tugged softly on my mask to pull it past my chin.

“I’m sorry too,” I told her just as quiet. Just as I was about to press my lips to hers, the earth shook, and an ear-shattering roar broke the silence of the ceremony. Everyone doubled over at the sudden assault, hands pressed firmly to their ears. I pulled Mei behind me, not knowing what kind of threat was coming at us, my hands pressing against my ears trying to keep the sound out. Everyone’s wide eyes turned to look behind them to look at what I’d already spotted.

My heart stopped, stuttered and dropped all at once. This couldn’t be happening again. There no way that it was happening again because if it was then that meant that I’d already lost what I was trying to protect. Kyuubi was crashing through trees as he roared, his huge paws tearing the plants from the ground, roots and all like it was the easiest thing in the world. He looked furious as he tore apart the surroundings, turning in circles strangely.

The first ones to go to confront the beast were Sakura and Sasuke, the two jumping into action with no hesitation while everyone else was still frozen. They weren’t even able to make it outside of the ceremony grounds before Kyuubi pinpointed the strong pool of chakras and headed in our direction, eating the distance between us and him scarily fast. The long legs of the fox beast brought him closer and closer still to the wedding, the luscious nine tails whipped around behind him like an angry cat’s might.

He slowed his pace as he was close now, his silky looking crimson fur seemed to be lit on fire from the reflection of the remaining sunlight hitting his strong back, but something seemed a bit off. The beast had calmed down, not trying to rip everything into pieces anymore but instead quietly making his way to the entrance of the wedding, all eyes pinned to the creature.

Startling blue eyes, that looked so much like Naruto's, stared at all of us as the beast loomed above us dangerously. I couldn't remember the only time I’d had seen the Kyuubi what color his eyes were, but I was positive it wasn't that blue color. Sasuke and Sakura didn’t move from in front of the fox as he moved closer, looking down at them.

Kyuubi looked kind of peaceful as he came to a halt, no snarl on his maw and he looked absolutely stunning like this. Something passed between the three as they stared each other down and everyone was shocked when the two team-seven members stood down from their staredown.

All the Kage escorts jumped into action at seeing their first line of defense not even put up a fight and people were already moving to detain Sasuke and Sakura when the Kyuubi snarled, making everyone freeze again. He stepped over the couple and shrunk in size as he moved down the aisle, everyone confused and not knowing how the fuck to react. The now normal-sized fox came to a stop right in the middle of the group of shinobi gathered, front and center of the platform where Mei and I stood and sat down.

Suddenly there was a poof of smoke that enveloped the fox, blocking him from view. When the smoke cleared, every single person’s jaws dropped. I felt my eyes almost pop from my skull as I began to panic because in Kyuubi's place stood a calm yet pissed looking Naruto, how he managed that I had no clue.

The only sound that was heard was the clattering of Tsunade’s chair as it hit the floor when she stood up, she stared hard at Naruto, his name escaping her mouth in an incredulous shout. The young man spared a glance behind himself to look at the guests, catching sight of Gaara and his siblings, and the group of shinobi from our village. He stared at Killer Bee and the Raikage on the far side of the crowd, before landing on Tsunade. He glared at her before turning back around to face us, not saying a single word yet.

His blue eyes swung around to lock onto Mei’s form that was still behind me from when I stood in front to protect her. He tilted his head quietly, his expression serious as he stared her down before he dropped down on one knee to kneel in respect, bowing his head before his voice rung out quietly, but it was heard clearly because of the dead silence.

“Mizukage-san can I talk to you for a minute?” the blond asked.

No one spoke for a second before Mei stepped out from behind me and eyed the man with a strange mixture of emotions playing across her face. The elder standing next to us on the platform yelled in outrage and even threw the book that he was holding at Naruto, hitting him in the face. I turned ready to kill the fucker, but Mei’s hand grabbed my shoulder and the elder cowered away as Naruto glared at him, one of his eyes flashing a bloody red before returning to normal. His forehead started bleeding from a cut he’d gotten but didn’t move as he continued to bow his head, waiting for Mei to answer.

Mei stared with a hard glare at the elder before turning back to Naruto, moving off the platform to kneel in front of the man, lifting his head by the chin to take a look at the cut. She held her hand out and a ninja flashed into existence next to her, handing her a clean cloth then flashing out of existence again.

"Naruto-kun, I apologize for that uncalled-for attack, he will be dealt with later,” Mei told him with a professional voice. Naruto grabbed her wrist as she went to press the cloth to his forehead, and I could see Ao shift forward to attack if he needed to. I couldn’t help my reaction to block the man, our eyes meeting as we stared each other down, not knowing how a battle between us would go but knowing we both wouldn’t hesitate if the situation escalated.

“If you want to make it up to me Mizukage-san, talk with me right now," he told her seriously.

“That’s all?” she asked softly, the incredulous hint in her voice was heard all across the ceremony grounds.

Naruto nodded and a murmuring broke out within the crowd of guests at the absurdity of the request, everyone finally coming out of shock from the whole situation, but a nod from the woman brought all the talk to silence as Naruto stood and helped Mei to her feet politely with an offered hand.

"I have an urgent matter to attend to as the Mizukage with our young savior here. Sorry for the delay," She said to the crowd and both Mei and Naruto walked a short distance to have a private conversation.

My heart was still pounding at seeing Naruto and my anxiety was spiking at not knowing what he was talking to Mei about. Ao brought me out of my thoughts again as he tried to move around me in a shunshin. Our kunai clashed as I met him midair as he was heading in their direction, and we landed locked together. My long, silky robe made it a bit harder to move and it fluttered around as we settled, Mei and Naruto’s eyes landed on us as did everyone else’s. I could see out of the corner of my eye Mei mutter something to Naruto and they turned back to continue their conversation, while Ao was glaring at me.

“Get out of the way,” he practically growled out at me.

“If you want to get to him, you’ll have to kill me first, so good luck with that,” I told him in a calm tone, but the anger in me was starting to bubble.

“You’re married to Mei-sama and you’re putting her in danger?” he asked with venom in his voice, he practically spat the word “married”.

“Naruto is not a danger to anyone,” I said with confidence, hating that there were still people who thought of him that way.

“You didn’t just see that beast tearing things apart?” he asked as he pressed more weight forward, trying to push me back.

“Kakashi!”

“Ao-san!” I heard separate voices call to us, hoping to get us to disengage.

I dislodged his knife before bringing down my own to lodge it between his shoulder blade and spine, but the man jumped back while throwing a few shurikens at me. I blocked them, all three landing on the floor around me, amazingly not hitting the robe I wore, as he eyed me from a distance as I loosened the top of my kimono preparing for an actual fight.

“Kakashi-san, Ao please stop fighting,” we heard Mei’s voice call from behind us and we both turned to look at her as both her and Naruto were walking back toward us.

“There’s actually something I need to talk to you both about,” she said softly as she stepped close to us, Naruto just a few steps behind her.


	12. Riding On A Gules Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for this chapter, here you are. Thank you again for still reading, we're almost done! Please enjoy and let me know what you thought!   
> p.s. I hope everyone is staying safe and isn't going crazy indoors unlike me! LOL I'm back on Tumblr (same user name Akrximay) if yall wanna follow me and send me a message, it's much welcome bc Im literally dying to talk with someone! 
> 
> With Craziness,  
> May

**Chapter 12: Chapter 12**

Chapter 12- 

“It’s actually something we’d like to talk to everyone about,” Mei said as she turned to address the crowd of people gathered.

“Naruto came to talk to me about something very important to the both of us,” Mei started as she held everyone’s attention. Ao moved to stand next to her as she spoke, his gaze landing on Naruto cautiously. My lip curled at the man’s action and I was happy when Naruto shifted to stand closer to me, feeling better at his closeness if the need to protect him again came up.

“As we spoke, he brought my attention to some things that need to change if we here in the Hidden Mist are to grow and prosper in this new generation of shinobi,” she continued and the more her words flowed, the more confusion grew in the gathering of people. I think everyone was wondering “what in the world did Naruto come to talk to the Mizukage about that was so important that it had to crash her wedding?” and the more pressing matter of “was it really something that was going to change the country?”

“With that said, I now realize that this arrangement may actually be hurting our relationship with other villages, especially the Hidden Leaf, and that is the complete opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. We want the bond with our friends to be as strong as possible,” Mei said with a sly, almost indistinguishable, smirk creeping onto her as she spoke. I narrowed my gaze at both of them since I’d just noticed Naruto’s own widening grin and was becoming more suspicious of both of them rather than confused at the situation, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach while a weird fluttering started in my heart.

“So, I apologize for bringing this situation upon everyone but there is no need for a political marriage to happen today. Kakashi-san, thank you for the time you’ve given me and I wish you nothing but the best,” Mei sai as she spoke to me, bowing her head slightly and my eyes were wide as I stared at the crown of auburn hair just standing there baffled.

A chorus of Mei’s different titles was called incredulously but no one was more shocked than me at the moment. A million different emotions were running through my mind but none of them rang as loud as the fucking relief I felt. Understanding settled in quickly after that but confusion swept over that just as fast. What the fuck was going on?

Her jingling laugh pierced through the silence loud enough for the wedding attendance to hear. She looked back to me and I could see her eyes brightening with the thought of not going through with this.

“Though I don't believe in wasting things, especially a put together wedding so, Ao would you do me the honor of marrying me?" Mei asked as she dropped gracefully to her knees and bowed her head respectfully to the man. The wedding audience were struck into silence again and a strange feeling was bubbling up in my chest as Ao fell to his knees in front of Mei, grabbing her shoulders to get her to lift her head, the yes resounding through the air clearly. The next thing I knew my world was whirling and all I could hear was Naruto’s booming laugh filling the air in the flurry of movement.

“Congrats Mei-san!” the blonde’s words were the only thing left behind as he shunshined at full speed away from the wedding.

I could hear the shouts of a few stunned shinobi from Konoha calling to the two of us but Naruto was moving at such a speed that their voices weren’t heard after just a few seconds and there was no way any of them could keep up, not like they could. These two played a clever trick and with Mei’s wedding still happening no one in attendance was able to leave that gathering, it was a perfectly executed checkmate.

“That’s how you crash a fucking wedding!” I heard the whooping laugh as Naruto was jumping from branch to branch now as we’d entered the forest bordering the island.

“Naruto! Put me down!” I told him sharply as I tried to twist and turn out of the man’s hold. I was glad to see the other again but it was embarrassing for the teacher to be manhandled by his student.

After a few attempts of twisting my way out I started getting flustered at not being able to escape. Being thrown over the man’s shoulder with one of his arms curled around my waist, gripping my opposite hip tightly, the other hand clamping down tightly on my ankle was not quite how I thought the way the day was going to go.

I grew frustrated as he ignored me over the whipping winds and desperately tried to wiggle and shimmy my way out of the man’s grip. I pushed and pulled at his shoulder after those failed, really, I tried anything to get out of his grip, but he was unmoving, like iron and I wasn't going to do anything that would _actually_ hurt him.

I gave up after a while of trying to get away and trying to be heard over the loud wind and decided to make myself as heavy as possible. If I was going to be stuck this way for a while I’d rather be as difficult as possible, especially since this wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world to be in. I huffed out a breath and resigned myself to be cooperative until Naruto decided to put me down, after that I had no clue what I was going to do though.

After pouting for a bit, I felt the smile slowly start to creep along my lips, my depressed mood from earlier evaporating the longer the blond ran and the farther away we got from the main island of the Hidden Mist. I tried to make light conversation with the other but he remained silent and it was starting to get unnerving.

The sun was now dipping below the sky and darkness began to settle across the land we were crossing, Naruto not seeming to want to stop and I could feel my eyes drooping. The trip wasn’t unbearable since Naruto’s movement was very smooth and his shoulder was broad enough that it wasn’t digging into my abdomen, but those smooth movements were causing my eyes to droop. I hadn’t gotten very good sleep during my stay in the Mist village and coupled with the lulling movement, Naruto’s presence and the fact that I wasn’t being forced into marrying someone was making a good recipe for sleep.

I’m not sure how Naruto knew that I was starting to get sleepy, but the blond shifted his grip to be a little more comfortable, more securing than restricting.

“You can sleep, we’re still a long way from where we’re going,” the man said softly. Even above the noise of all the wind I was able to hear him as he’d turned his head closer toward me as he spoke, his lips pressed into my side and the vibration of his voice sent a shiver up my spine even in my drowsy state. I didn’t say anything to the blond, knowing I wasn’t going to get more information out of him so I let my eyes lose the fight of trying to stay open. It wasn’t long before I was sleeping.

The next thing I knew I was pressed into something soft and warm, my fingers lacing through something silky smooth and I was confused because it didn’t match with the last thing I remembered. I slowly blinked open my eyes to see a sea of red in my vision, my eyebrows furrowed together trying to figure out what it was I was lying on, it was then that I realized how loud it was around me.

I tried sitting up to see where I was when I felt a hand press between my shoulder blade gently. I turned to see Naruto sitting behind me with a sunny smile, “Naruto?” I managed out as the man shook his head and pointed forward obviously wanting me to look forward.

Everything clicked at once as I saw exactly where I was, well more like what I was on. It was still dark, the moon high in the sky and the light was enough for me to see the deep red of Kyuubi’s fur even at night. I realized that the Naruto sitting behind me was just a clone and was most likely there to keep me from falling off.

“Where are we going?” I asked the clone as I turned to look over my shoulder at him. He shrugged and told me that he wasn’t allowed to say anything and told me that I should go back to sleep since I’d only been sleeping about an hour.

I sighed knowing that I wasn’t going to get anything out of the clone and tightened my grip on the silky fur that my fingers were buried in. There was nothing I could do now, I was completely depending on Naruto for now. Even if I took off by myself I’d be lost until I came to a town, if I ever did, and with no food, no way to start a fire or even proper clothes to stay warm I was screwed if I left the man now.

I realized with that thought that it was actually pretty cold as the wind whipped at the exposed skin of my face and neck. Leaning back to lie down I felt the warmth coming off of the fox and was annoyed with how perfectly things were working out for Naruto. I basically had no other option but to go along with whatever the blond had planned and if I wasn’t feeling so tired still, I would be kicking up a fuss. I rolled my eyes at the whole situation and just went back to sleep, still a firm believer that if I ignored my problems they’d go away.

What woke me up again was the slowing of Naruto’s pace, the running gradually becoming a calm walk. I yawned as I became more aware of the surrounding, not knowing where I was at all but could see a river reflect the moonlight nearby in the thick of the shadowy forest and a small cabin in an almost nonexistent clearing of trees.

I waited patiently as the fox made its way closer to the small cabin, slowly decreasing in size and soon we were weaving between the trees instead of looming high above them. Naruto stopped in front of the cabin and I made the small jump from the horse sized fox to the ground, my legs wobbling a bit as they adjusted to holding my weight again after who knows how long of straddling the fox’s neck.

The clone and Naruto waited until I was sure on my feet before he transformed back, the man not even turning to look at me as he headed up the stairs to the small cabin and through the door, the clone gone. I stood awkwardly outside, not knowing what to do. It was an unusual feeling for me since I’m usually in control of situations I’m in and I was pretty confident in how I handle myself, but I was at a complete loss and I felt like a fucking teenager again.

I didn’t know where the fuck I was, or what to do and with Naruto acting so weird and us not having talked in over a month, I just felt defeated. I pulled in a deep breath, filling my lungs to the brim before letting it out again and eyed the door before finally heading up the steps, careful not to step on the kimono and heading inside.

Naruto was already in the small kitchen, his gear thrown across the barely there counter and a pot on the stove as he started to pull things from the fridge and chopping them up. I still didn’t know what to do with myself and stood just outside of the light from the kitchen, just watching Naruto as he moved.

“You can sit down,” he finally spoke, his voice actually startling me a bit since it broke the silence so completely. I finally decided to quit being so out of character and headed over to stand next to him.

“Do you need help?” I asked hoping that he’d at least let me help to get my hands moving and not just sitting there feeling more useless than I already felt.

The whole reason I went through with this mission was to keep from bothering anyone, to try and keep everyone in the village the happiest they could be. The biggest reason I did this was to make sure Naruto didn’t have to go through with this and in the end, he had to come here to save me anyway. What kind of a failure am I to make him do that?

“You don’t have to, it’ll be done soon,” he said, breaking me out of my thoughts but disappointing me with the answer. I sighed again as I moved to one of the two chairs nestled around a tiny dining table.

The silence hung heavy between us again and though the atmosphere was tense and weird, I was just sort of happy to be near him. I didn’t realize how happy I was, the weight of impending doom lifted off me until now. Not that marrying Mei was doomish but the rest of everything else about the damn thing sucked.

It wasn’t long before Naruto set down a plate in front of me and sat across the table with his own plate. I stared at the steaming food, glad that he’d made it but not sure if I was quite ready to stomach anything. Naruto stared at me with an expectant look on his face, one that clearly said, “eat the fucking food,” so I picked up the fork and stirred the food around to cool it off a bit, my mask hanging limply around my neck where it’d stayed since the ceremony.

“You know, I’m the one that’s supposed to tell you to eat your food,” I commented lightly, hoping to get him to say something.

“You’re supposed to tell me a lot of things that you haven’t,” he replied so casually that the comment actually bit. I pursed my lips, not knowing what to say to that seeing as he’d literally caught me red handed in keeping secrets from him. He heaved a huge sigh and pushed the plate away from him along with the remaining food that was on it.

He leaned back in his chair and let his head hang, his blonde hair dangling behind him as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. Now that I looked at him under light I could see the tiredness seeping off of him. His shoulders were sinking lower than normal and his eyes were gaining a dark ring around them, while his skin wasn’t the normal tanned color he carried so well. There was really nothing I could say that was going to make either of us feel better about the whole thing, so I just waited until he pulled his deep blue eyes back to my form. He leaned forward again, his forearms resting heavily against the precarious table as his chair screeched in protest.

“What are you doing Kakashi?” he asked in a tired voice after long seconds of just staring at me.

I’ve only ever once in my life felt the need to crawl in a hole and never come out but right now, I felt that need again. Actually, it’d be nice if the earth would open up and swallow me whole if it meant getting away from the tired blue irises that were rooting around in my soul. I pulled the pieces of my loosened kimono closer to center, hoping to bring myself a bit of comfort while not looking like a complete idiot, it’s just that Naruto always managed to make me flounder around.

“Well currently I’m getting lectured by my student,” I said trying to deflect my problem in reality. Naruto’s deadpan expression was all it took though to convey that he was pretty done with my shit.

“Where did you want me to start?” I asked him on a sigh, figuring it was better to answer the question rather than to start rambling.

“How about from when you started avoiding me, that’d be a good start,” he said seriously. It was weird for me to be in this sort of interrogation, since I was usually the one asking the questions, but also because Naruto was so serious.

“Tsunade came to me about this mission, she said that I didn’t have to do it, but that the Mist had a few preferences as to who they’d accept and well there was nothing I could really do about it,” I told him, it was the truth, not the whole truth but definitely a truth.

“So why did you feel the need to avoid me? I thought we were closer than that,” the man said, his expression dropping but it kept that hard undertone of wanting answers.

“What was I supposed to do Naruto? I know how you get; I mean look at where we are. I didn’t want you to have to deal with this when it was something well within my power to do,” I told him on a sigh, I could feel my temper start rising even as I tried to contain it.

Why did I have to go through all this when I was just trying to do the right thing? I didn’t want anyone to have to suffer what I went through the last few days, how heartbroken would people be if it was their boyfriend that was chosen to go on the mission? Every single shinobi in the village would have said yes just to fulfill their duty, how could I have let anyone else take that.

“I mean you could have talked to me about it, we could have talked to Baa-chan together. There was a million things we could have done different,” Naruto spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The word “we” flowed from his lips like a breeze on a hot day but he didn’t realize how much that hurt me.

“There was nothing else I could do Naruto. There was no other choice,” I told him with a shake of my head. There was nothing wrong with what I did, and there was nothing that I could have done to avoid it.

“There obviously was!” his shout made me clench my jaw tight, not wanting to lose control of my emotions.

“It took me all of five minutes to talk the Mizukage out of that stupid fucking marriage! Boy was she fucking glad I did too, but no one ever listens to me when I fucking talk. No one believes in me even after everything I’ve done to try and prove myself and the last person I expected to see that from was you,” his voice sounded angry, and resentful and broken in hurt all at once. The words made my chest hurt and I could feel the distinct tingle start up in my nose and the tightness of my throat.

“That’s not what this was about,” I told him hoping to show that, that was the furthest thing from my intention.

“Well I sure as hell don’t know what it was actually about Kakashi,” he huffed, pulling his voice back down to a not shouting volume. I stared at him, my jaw tight and my eyes hard in an attempt to keep it all together, not knowing what was going to explode first.

"Staring at me isn't gonna fix anything," Naruto spoke after a few seconds of silence and I honestly didn’t know what the fuck we were doing anymore.

“I don’t know how to fix anything anymore. What I thought was right wasn’t, and now I don’t know what to do,” I told him honestly. It was rare that I ever spoke to people as honestly as I do to Naruto but I felt the need to tell him that.

I heard the rustle of clothes as my eyes were pinned to the tracing the wood grains of the table, but I felt when Naruto came to crouch next to me. I finally turned to look at him when he grabbed a handful of the silky kimono sleeve and tugged lightly, the weight of his hand enough to pull my attention to him.

“You know ‘Kashi, I didn’t just go there to save my sensei,” he spoke softly as if I was going to run away, the grip that was tightening on my sleeve also proving that line of thought.

“There’s something I want to tell you, but I need to know something first,” he spoke again, slowly and the look in his eyes changed from pressing to something soft, something very Naruto.

“Why did you say yes to the mission? It doesn’t seem like something you’d do,” he finished with a small tilt to his head making the question seem innocent when in reality it was the worst thing he could have asked but I didn’t want to lie to him.

“I didn’t want you to be forced into it, you’re the future of the village plus Hinata would be heartbroken,” I told him the truth, just avoiding the determining factor of the whole thing to try and shield myself, too bad the blonde knew me too well.

He had a strange look on his face at my answer, as if he was trying to piece bits of information together but still didn’t have the whole view. I watched a few emotions play across his face before he looked me straight in the eye again.

“I love you Kakashi,”


	13. A Breaking of Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp the moment you guys have been waiting for has arrived, sorry Im late updating but maybe this next bit will make yall forgive me. Sooooo, I happened to realize that the story is actually 14 chapters, not 13. Apparently I don't know how to count LOL so you guys get another chapter to wrap this whole thing up next week. Dont flame me on the smut here cuz I was cringing hard even though I've rewritten it idk how many times. Enjoy and leaves me a comment!
> 
> ~May

**Chapter 13: Chapter 13**

Chapter 13:

I didn’t know what I just heard. I think my ears were wrong because there’s no way that it was actually what I thought it was. I sat frozen as the man looked up at me unmoving even when I tried pulling my sleeve from his grip. I shook my head as if jostling the words around in my head would help me comprehend them better.

“Naru-?” I started, confused but the man rushed forward, locking his lips with my own. He tugged me closer to him with the grip he had on my sleeve while his other hand came up to wrap firmly behind my neck, fingers tangling into the soft fabric of my face mask that was still hanging there.

The blond had moved from his spot, standing from his crouched position and pulled me up with him, his grip was unyielding and his lips relentless. I didn’t notice when he moved his arm to wrap around my waist and press his muscled chest flush against mine. My breath hitched and I felt my body sag into the other man’s grip as though I wanted to suck up everything that the other man was.

The slightly taller blonde pulled away after our lips moved in sync for a few seconds pressing his forehead to mine, the exact same thing I’d done to Mei hours earlier. He spoke quietly between us, his voice was a hushed whisper chalked full of emotion, my breath huffing out quickly and my heart pumping my blood faster through my veins.

“Please say you love me too,” the blond practically begged.

"Naruto I-" I started trying to find my voice pulling away from the grasp the young man had on me.

“I don’t understand,” I told him. Obviously, I knew what he’d just said, I only ever dreamed of him saying those words to me, but in my mind, things were not adding up.

“What about Hinata? The village and your future? Why did you even bother saving me?” I asked finally letting the dam of emotions break. Congrats blond brat, you fucking broke my sanity.

“I saved the man I love from escaping me because of misunderstandings,” Naruto said as he grabbed onto me again. We just watched each other, he was waiting for my response and my mind was reeling trying to keep up. Was that true? That kiss and these touches didn’t leave much room for lying, but I was too shocked to be able to believe the words right off the bat.

I don’t know what must have played out on my face because Naruto slowly let go of my elbow that he had hold of and let his hands clench into his sides.

“There’s a lot we have to talk about, but you’re tired. Let’s sleep and we can keep talking later when we both aren’t going crazy,” the young man said in a big show of maturity and took my hand to lead me into the bedroom where there were only a small twin bed and a few pieces of furniture including a chair pushed into the corner.

“There’s a shower if you want to wash up, I don’t have extra clothes though,” Naruto told me as he walked straight to the chair and sat down roughly. I was about to tell him to take the bed but the man got himself comfortable, planting his chin on top of his fist shutting his eyes.

I bit my lip not knowing what to even say to the man and I decided that I would take a shower, hoping the water would help me clear my mind. Heading into the adjourning door in the room I quickly figured out the shower and carefully hung the kimono robe up on a towel rack, not wanting to dirty the pale grey color and the bright white and red of the accents. There wasn’t anything in the shower beside a bar of soap so I used it for both my hair and body and when I was finished with that I couldn’t bring myself to turn off the surprisingly hot stream of water.

I stood under the spray long after it’d turned ice cold but something about the beading of the water running through my hair and down my back helped soothe the confusion I felt. I know I love the man sleeping out on a chair at the moment and apparently, he loved me too. It was such an odd thought that I didn’t know what to do with it.

Would we be lovers? Maybe we’d be stuck in an unknown space where, well, we just loved each other and nothing ever came of it. Both of us could just tiptoe around the situation, especially since I have a track record of ignoring my problems until they went away, but it didn’t seem like that’s what Naruto wanted to do.

“Fuuuuuuuck, how did everything get so messed up?” I thought as I laid my head against the tile in front of me and finally decided to leave the shower and try to get some more sleep since the couple hours that I slept on Kyuubi’s back was the first good sleep I had since, well, a long-ass time.

Not wanting to wear the kimono to bed too I decided I would only wear the silk robe, thankful that it wasn’t see-through, and tied it around my waist. I then headed to the bed, feeling weird about the sleeping arrangement just for the fact that whenever Naruto and I were this close and had to sleep, we always slept next to each other. I rolled my eyes at my own trashy thoughts and crawled on top of the bed, I wasn’t picky about where I slept but I didn’t feel like slipping under the unknown covers and have something unsavory crawl over me during the night.

I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I remember waking up to the sound of whining and had to blink my eyes a few times to get my bearings. I turned to see Naruto twitching and curling in on himself, his eyebrows were bunched and there was sweat starting to bead around his temple. I sat up completely and threw my legs over the edge of the bed to move closer to the man when another high-pitched whine cut through the air, freezing me in my spot.

The whine didn’t sound human at all and along with the small yips and long nails digging into the blonde’s exposed skin, I could guess that the nightmare wasn’t only Naruto’s. I took a deep breath, having only been in this particular situation once before and that didn’t end so well. I moved to the small window, that I could see dawn starting to break through, and shut the curtains tightly, making sure that light wouldn’t be able to come through and kneeled next to him.

“Naru,” I called to him softly, not wanting to startle him out of sleep too abruptly. The man didn’t react to my voice and I tried calling him several more times, increasing the volume just a bit every time. When the man still didn’t react, I took a deep breath and placed my hand on his thigh squeezing it lightly, hoping that Naruto would wake up. The blond shifted his body in my direction, muttering something under his breath but still not awake.

“Naruto,” I called a bit louder and squeezed his thigh again and this time it was enough to jolt the man. One of his hands shot out to clamp me behind the neck while the other wrapped around my wrist, making it impossible for me to getaway. His eyes jumped open and his normally blue irises flashed a dangerous red, his pupils blown wide and their shape distorted. It took him a few seconds to come back to where he was, and I stayed still and calm as he came back to his senses.

“Kakashi,” he said as his body relax, the grips he had on me loosening and his eyes drooping tiredly. I stood up and pulled him with me, covering the short distance to the bed making him lay in a more comfortable place. He didn’t let go of my wrist as I tried to pull away and he reminded me of a time when he was younger, the same action meaning he didn’t want to be left alone. I sighed and decided to just lay down again, my own eyes feeling heavy still and I didn’t feel like staying up worrying needlessly. I wordlessly consented to the man’s request and laid next to him on the bed, the blonde’s body immediately relaxed. I felt my own body sink into the mattress as a pleasant radiating warmth behind me soothed my nerves and suddenly I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.

“I’m sorry,” I heard the soft words spoken next to my ear. I was trying to pull myself back to the land of the living and that soft voice murmuring in my ear wasn’t helping, but the words themselves had me wanting to be fully aware. I felt a soft tickling on my shoulder and felt a shiver ran down my spine, the voice speaking up again.

“I always-“ he cut himself off and I felt a soft thud on my back, the heat coming off of Naruto making another shiver break across my skin. The air was chilly even inside the building, and I hadn’t realized that while I was sleeping I’d pressed closer to the blond to try and get some warmth.

“I’m sorry,” I spoke quietly, not wanting to startle him. My voice was a bit raspy and ached a bit, probably from the cold air, but I continued.

“I was trying to do things on my own thinking it was the best thing for you,” I said honestly. I felt him shift behind me, the weight on the bed moving when I saw him leaning over me to get a look at my face.

“Why would you think this was the best thing for me?” he asked tugging at the robe that was hanging off me weirdly. I turned to lay on my back, to look at him in the face while I talked to him. His blond hair hung in front of his eyes, the locks being longer than the last I remembered and his eyes that were usually clear were full of emotion, the dim lighting in the room making it so the irises seem many shades darker than what they usually were.

“Actually, I thought it was the best escape for myself,” I told him, correcting myself. He gave me a strange look, I could just make out the scrunching of his eyebrows in the dim lighting of the room, and I answered his next question without him having to ask it.

“It was too much for me to be around you and Hinata being happy together. I thought you started dating after she confessed to you. I wanted you to be happy, but I-” I took a deep breath, this being hard to admit to the man himself.

“But I wanted you for myself. So, I left when I thought we couldn't be together,” I told him seriously. The look on his face changed into something like disbelief and I couldn’t help the small smile that started to pull at my lips.

“Does that mean-?” he started to ask, and I sat up to not be looking up at him. My hand went up to cup his face and I built up the courage to press my lips to his lightly.

I pulled away from the shocked man and watched the emotions play across his face, the blonde not knowing what to do. He gripped tighter onto my robe, his eyes flickering between my eyes and lips, his mind obviously debating over what he wanted to do.

“I’ve been waiting for you so if you’ll have me, I’d like to-” he cut me off when he lunged at me, his lips silencing mine as we fell back to the mattress. His weight pressed me further into the mattress and I felt my heart jolt in my chest, it started beating faster because of the man on top of me and I was in utter bliss with just that knowledge it was _Naruto_ with me.

The blonde pulled away from our kiss when we finally needed air, I gasped for the substance while Naruto lowered his head to be next to my ear and lovingly nuzzled me. He took the time to nibble on my ear for a second and while my attention was on his mouth, I felt the heat of his hands gliding effortlessly along the silk covering my abdomen.

“Is this real?” I heard the man whisper into my skin. I couldn’t help but wonder the same thing, I couldn’t believe that Naruto wanted me as much as I wanted him. When Gaara mentioned this back in that garden I thought the man was crazy, then when Naruto showed up at the wedding, I was starting to hope but I kept myself in check, but I wasn’t that dumb. From his attitude, anyone could tell the man was upset and Gaara’s words started to come back to my mind, and Naruto’s words only confirmed it.

I lifted my hands to his face to get enough distance between us to face Naruto properly, there was something that was left unsaid and I refused to not tell this man every day from now on exactly what I felt.

“I love you too Naruto,” I told him staring his right in the eyes, so he knew I was telling the truth, so he knew this was one hundred percent real. I saw the tears start to well in his eyes and he dropped his forehead to press into my shoulder, the silk sliding around strangely with the movement. Naruto’s arms wrapped around me, sliding under my body weight with no trouble at all and pulled me into a tight hug, my thighs falling to either side of him, my knees pressing against his hips.

I brought one of my hands up to thread lightly through his hair, hoping to soothe his emotions while I peppered small kisses everywhere my lips could reach. Eventually, Naruto loosened his grip just a bit and lifted his face, our lips almost touching.

“I love you Kakashi,” he repeated the words and I had to bite my lip to keep my own emotions in check. How I’ve longed to hear those words. He pressed a sweet but brief kiss to my lips and repeated those words following them with another short kiss.

He kept doing that over and over again, making sure the words were etched into my mind so I wouldn’t ever doubt the truth in them. His lips moving from my lips to scatter his warmth along the ridges of my face and then down to my neck. I pressed myself closer to Naruto’s body as much as I could, reducing the almost nonexistent space to zero, and I could start to feel some frustration build in me, my thighs coming closer together as I slide my knees against the blonde’s side since I couldn’t force myself to keep still.

Naruto’s hand slid down my side to grip onto one of my thighs as he leaned forward slightly, his fingertips caressed the pale skin there just making me squirm around more. It’d been a very long while since I’d been this close to anyone and I couldn’t help but soak up the attention, especially when Naruto found a sensitive spot on my neck. I sighed in pleasure at the sensations and really had to try to bring my mind back into a clearer state to ask the responsible question.

“Naru,” I spoke his name, my head leaning to the side to allow the man more space to kiss and suck gently at my neck.

“Naruto,” I spoke his name again as I tugged on his hair lightly, trying to get the other man to listen before we continued. He pulled away at the tugs and stared at me with an intensity that felt like it was burning right through me.

“Yes?” he asked with some effort weighing on his voice, his hands kneading into my skin where he was holding onto me. The action was distracting but a lot less so than his lips devouring every inch of skin that he could reach so I let it go and went on to make my point.

“If you keep going, I’m not going to want to stop,” I cautioned him, leaving the choice to him. I’d been ready for Naruto to be mine for a while now, and I didn’t know how recent his feelings for me were. I didn’t want him to rush into something that he’d later regret, especially if that something had anything to do with me.

Naruto’s eyes closed and a groan slipped from his lip, his head tilting back slightly as if he was savoring the words. Suddenly he leaned back and the hand that had been holding around the waist gripped onto one of my ass cheeks, pulling my hips off the bed and pulling me the rest of the way onto his lap. Naruto pressed our hips together and I couldn’t help the small gasp that left my lips when I felt his hard member against mine. The heat coming off of him penetrated the thin silk I wore easily, and I was starting to get addicted to that warmth.

“’s not too fast?” I made out the words that Naruto mumbled against my temple and I could only shake my head lightly. I wanted him so bad.

My breath was coming in puffs against the warm skin of the tall young man's neck, his hands were kneading at my thighs while he rocked his hips chasing friction. It wasn’t enough though and I decided to shift my weight onto my knees to straddle the man’s hips, my hand sliding around to grip the back of a slender neck to keep the blonde in place. I kissed the plump lips that responded to me right away, Naruto’s tongue coming to dance on my lips asking for entrance.

I opened my eyes to look at the man’s cute reaction with some level of amusement, and a bit of curiosity. I wanted to see exactly what I did to the man even though I could feel it perfectly well pressed against me. Naruto's inexperience showed a bit, but he quickly caught on to how I moved, our lips moving in sync once the blonde got the rhythm from copying me, our tongues sliding sensually around each other. Seems like I wasn't the only one who can copy techniques.

I angled our lips so I could kiss the man deeper, my need starting to consume me as I gyrated my hips with more force down into Naruto. I reached down to lift Naruto’s hands, taking the outstretched hands into my own, I moved them to the top of my robe, sliding the tips of his fingers under the silk, hoping he’d get the idea. Naruto groaned into our kiss and slowly started to slip off the top of my robe to expose my shoulders and chest, the white, grey, and red robe hung from the crooks of my elbows.

Naruto stared at my exposed skin like he actually wanted to eat me, his eyes moving along every dip of muscle I had trying to soak up every detail. The blonde licked his lips, my eyes tracking the slow motion making my cock jump, like he was ready to dig into something delicious. I thought the slow descent of Naruto’s hands was driving me crazy but when the man wrapped his hands around my hips, just above where the obi tied the ends together, I couldn’t help but buck my hips a bit.

The robe was open all the way to the obi giving Naruto a view of my abs and chest while the man pressed small circle into my hips just watching me as I swung my hips back and forth against his own. The fabric felt good against my member, but the heat was getting too much and the rest of the material caught in the crooks of my arms was starting to frustrate me.

I couldn't help but squirm under Naruto’s intense look and the sensation of his strong hands leading the movement of my hips, the man slowing the pace causing me to huff out a breath. My fingers found their way underneath Naruto’s shirt, the first teasing movement before I slid hands along the sculpted abs and up Naruto’s chest, making sure to slide off the black fishnet shirt in the process. Naruto had to let go of his grip on me to lift his arms while I helped him take the shirt off and as soon as it was over his head, I pressed a hand against his chest to have the man lay back.

I lifted myself to my knees while I stared down at the man between my legs. The blonde was huffing fast breaths, his strong chest raising quickly, and his muscles rippled along his front as his hips jerked in stuttering movement, wanting my weight pressing down on them again.

I slowly started to untie the obi that was barely holding on, desperately clinging for perches on my hips, because of the rutting we’d been doing. Soon enough, even though it felt like forever that Naruto was devouring my form with his eyes, I was naked and my breath coming in pants, my eyes gazing down at Naruto with want.

I pressed my chest to Naruto's again to be lying on top of the younger man, planting kisses to a firm pectoral muscle and gave a slightly rough bite, not able to help myself. Naruto adjusted himself, shifting under me as his hands came up to linger on my skin, letting me move at my pace even as I could see him fighting with a strong need inside of himself, his eyes a very clear sign of that fight.

I moved down his body, placing kisses along the way and tonguing the dips of defined muscle, blowing cool air on the wet patches of skin every once in a while, until I was looking at the man’s pant seam. I locked eyes with Naruto as the man gazed down at me, his hand gripping the back of my head, my silver hair being tugged in a slightly painful but pleasurable way.

I unbuttoned his pants wanting them to come off and made quick work of slipping them down the man’s legs and landing them somewhere on the floor. I was nicely surprised to see the man not wearing anything underneath, knowing he had such a habit when on missions but still appreciative of it.

I kneaded softly at Naruto’s member, watching the man’s face as the action caused pleasure, making the young blonde grind his hip roughly into my hand trying to get more friction, I licked my lips as I watched Naruto thrust his hips. This continued for a few seconds while Naruto tried hard to control himself, one hand clenching hand onto my shoulder while the other was tugging at his hair but I could feel my mouth watering at the sight, and I couldn’t wait anymore.

I took him into my mouth and moans from the both of us filled the air, the heat of the cock in my mouth and the weight of the engorged member turned me on to the point of losing my mind. Naruto jerked his hips as my lips wrapped around the tip of his cock and sucked lightly. I didn’t mind as he rutted into my mouth, the thrusts soft at first and the continually got rougher as the coil in the pit of Naruto’s stomach started to reach the snapping point, the blonde’s muscles bunching under my fingers.

A low, pleased growl was heard, and I felt the vibration from Naruto's chest travel through his whole body, I opened my eyes to find the man watching me with hooded eyes, his pupils blown so wide they were black. He looked into my mismatched eyes and saw the raw lust reflected there send another trill of pleasure down my spine, my back arching in need.

Suddenly my hair was tugged roughly, and a moan left my lips at the shock of pleasure, storm grey and red stared into Naruto’s startling sky blue eyes as the man pulled me into a rough kiss. It was sloppy now with need but that didn’t matter, the cock was aching between my legs and I couldn’t wait much more. A big hand pressed into the small of my back and I could feel the pinpricks of sharp nails there and knew that Naruto wasn’t going to hold on too much longer either.

"Do you want to top or bottom?" the blonde asked in a strained voice. The question surprised me, but it made me love him all the more. It also brought up a million more possibilities in the future, but right now I knew exactly what I wanted.

I pressed my lips again to Naruto's plump ones and this time biting and sucking on the man’s bottom lip, my chest arching into his as he held me in place, my nipples grazing the hot skin while my hands came up to knead a muscled shoulder

“I want you inside me so bad that it aches,” I husked into his ear, taking a bite out of that too while I was there and was prepared when the man flipped us so that my back was pressed into the mattress.

The younger man put his weight on me, pinning me in place and kissed me stupid as he rubbed his member between my ass cheeks. His hands were kneading at my glutes and the feeling of both actions had me ready for him to fuck me. I did come to my senses as I felt the head of his cock pressing against my hole, the stinging pain already spreading with just the small pressure.

“Naru wait!” I gasped out between kisses. The man immediately stilled, which I found very impressive and pulled away to look me in the eyes. His expression was worried, and he was looking over my body to see if he’d hurt me anywhere.

“What’s wrong?” he puffed out between panting breaths. We hadn’t moved from our positions, just enough to look at each other as we spoke.

“You’ll hurt me if you don’t prep me. It’s too tight and we need some kind of lube,” I told him, letting him know that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but that it was something so we could continue.

His eyes flashed from blue to red and back again as he pounced on me again, the man moving so fast that I didn’t realize I was on my hands and knees until his hand pushed down at the center of my back. My chest pressed against the mattress as one of Naruto’s hands made sure my hips were raised, the position vulnerable but had my cock twitching in excitement.

Naruto ran his tongue along my puckering entrance, which made me gasp loudly, not expecting the action at all. My lips parted as moans escaped me while Naruto twisted and twirled his tongue around my hole, making sure to drip as much saliva as he could around the area.

I tried pulling my legs closer to my chest to hopefully get something to give my cock friction since my hands were way too busy clutching the sheets for my life. Naruto’s hand that was pinning me to the bed quickly grabbed onto my ankle to keep my legs from moving, a growl that traveled straight to my dick was heard in a warning. The assertiveness unexpectedly turned me on, and I was enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to be in control.

Naruto curled his tongue in a way that was having me see stars, his fingers that pushed in next to the appendage sending me on a mind-numbing trip. I pushed my hips back wanting that writhing tongue and wiggling fingers deeper and a pleasured moan left me when Naruto roughly struck my prostate. I could hear the blonde’s breath coming in ragged pants and feel his hot breath on my skin as he held my hip with a bruising grip, nails digging a bit into my skin, I couldn’t tell if it hurt or felt good anymore. The blonde started to kiss down my back and give small bites to my skin, some hard enough to leave dark marks.

Naruto’s tongue was running down the length of my skin, his teeth scraping just before he bit down hard on one of my cheeks, while at the same time thrust his fingers right into my prostate again. I bit my lip, the sound of an obscenely loud moan getting trapped in my throat as my grip on the sheets turned deadly. The hard thrusts, stretching movement and the sound of Naruto’s panting moans were getting to be too much. I managed to tell the man to hurry up and received a grunt of acknowledgement, a slowing of movements gave me time to remember how to breathe.

I let out an unhappy groan when Naruto pulled away, my back arching toward the bed to get my hips higher, wanting to entice the man into touching me again. I felt the man lean over me, his lips pressing kisses into my shoulder as he rutted his member between my cheeks again. My hole fluttered with wanting and every time the tip passed over it, the ache for something to stretch it wide and deep got worse. Naruto brought a hand to my straining member and softly touched the tip making a groan leave me and be muffled into the mattress as Naruto's hand began to move up and down the shaft.

"Oh fuck, Naruto," I said in a rushed voice as he started to press his cock in once again. The head causing a strange pressure, the pleasure that sensation brought running through my whole body.

Naruto's breaths were harsh pants as he made shallow thrusts, not pushing the head in but not retreating completely either and it was driving me crazy. How the fuck was he not losing it? The thrusts were in time with the pumping of his hand until I couldn’t take it anymore. I threw my hips back harshly when he was thrusting forward, and the head pressed past my ring of muscles and caused a stretch that burned so good.

I moaned loudly, not caring anymore that I was being loud or maybe enjoying this too much, I wanted him to just plunge into me.

"Kakashi," Naruto’s husky and pressed voice called my name. His hands flying to grab onto my waist to try and keep me from moving that caused an embarrassing whine to leave me.

It stung as Naruto pushed his way in slowly and finally settled to the root after a few torturous seconds, the blonde going still once his hips were pressed with mine. I bucked my hips again, thankful that Naruto didn’t know to grab them instead of my waist, to get some of that pleasure I needed. I wanted him to move, to pounded into me with everything he has.

I told Naruto to move in so many words and was expecting movement from the eager man, but I was surprised when I felt the man’s hand wrap around my chin and tilted my head so that he could kiss my lips. I immediately kissed Naruto back, one of my hands letting go of the sheets and wrapped awkwardly behind me to grip the back of his neck. Pulling back from the kiss I could feel Naruto’s gaze on me, and I opened my eyes to look at him, the kiss sobering me up from my desperate need just a bit.

When my pair of mismatched eyes met his, the blonde smiled lovingly and slowly pulled his hips back before reseating himself just as slowly. I couldn’t help but whine a bit at the sensation, the drag of Naruto’s cock against my sensitive walls making me dizzy. I pushed back against Naruto's girth urging him to move more and a rumbling growl was heard from Naruto before he pulled out almost all the way and thrust back in slowly.

A soft moan was pulled from my lips and I just wanted to be filled by Naruto like this every day, even at his slow, sweet, torturous pace. I thrust my hips back hoping to urge the man to go faster but the young man gripped onto my hips to keep me still and kept the pace the same.

“Naru,” I moaned the man’s name and I felt the need to see his face. I twisted around enough that Naruto got the message and pulled out to flip me around easily, the show of his raw strength making my cock ooze more precum.

Naruto pressed in again quickly and I wrapped my legs and arms around him to keep him tightly pressed to my body. I snaked my hands into blond tresses and pulled at them as I arched my back, pushing Naruto even deeper as the man continued to thrust hard and deep. I silently begged Naruto to go faster with fevered kisses and bite marks but the man was not complying instead he pulled me into another heated kiss with tongue and harsh breaths as we ravished each other's bodies.

"Naruto please!” I cried out with tears starting to well in my eyes. I needed him to go faster, this pace was killing me, and I don’t think I would make it if I didn’t come soon.

"I love you, Kakashi." The man moaned into my neck his pace still slow and hard.

"I love!” I cried the word out on a moan as Naruto hit my spot head-on, sparks of light going off behind my closed eyelids.

“-you too," I managed to finish the statement with a pant. With that said Naruto pulled out once again and snapped his hips forward quickly, our skin slapping together, and two loud moans filled the air.

Naruto thrust hard and fast into me, leaving me a moaning mess exactly how I wanted. I clawed for a place to keep me grounded and Naruto's back was riddled with my scratches as he pounded with stupid accuracy at my sweet spot. Naruto's grunts spilled into my ear, arousing me more and made me thrust my hips with more force, trying to get Naruto deeper inside me. Suddenly, Naruto pulled out and turned me onto my side, his hand wrapping strongly around my ankle and tossing my leg over his shoulder.

I felt a bite to the top of my ear as Naruto leaned over me, pushing his hips hard and fast, thrusting as far in as possible. One of his hands moved to my cheeks of rounded flesh he was pounding into and spread them wide, allowing deeper penetration.

"AH! Naruto!" I called to the man as I gripped his forearm that was pushing my leg towards my chest. 

"Fuck, call my name,” Naruto said in a blissed-out voice. I called his name with every hard thrust and I could tell the man was about to cum, the same as me.

“There you go, cum for me baby," Naruto moaned out sensually.

Those sinful words threw me over the edge, my orgasm hit me hard and the mess spread everywhere on the mattress and along his chest and abdomen. My body relaxed at the loss of tension and I just laid there enjoying Naruto still pounding into me at an erratic pace. The tightening and spasming of my hole finally milked Naruto of everything he had. His hot cum was pumped into me, hitting my prostate dead-on once more as the thick streams poured into my ass causing me to moan again in pleasure.

Finally, when there was nothing left to give, Naruto barely was able to redirect himself so he fell next to me, pulling out in the process. He pulled me close and tucked me underneath his chin, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Love you 'Kashi" the man mumbled, already being pulled into the embrace of slumber.

"I love you too, Naru," I told him, following my new lover into sleep once again.


	14. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp Im kind of sad that this is ending and I didn't think that was going to happen when I started it. I hope this wraps up the story well for you guys. Thank you for everyone for reading and leaving all your wonderful comments! They really mean a lot to read and to know you guys like the story makes everything worth it. 
> 
> If you want to message me on Tumblr (same username) please go for it! I'd love to have some conversation during this lockdown T_T or if you want to leave me some story ideas I'm totally cool with that too. Anyway, thanks for reading and enjoy!
> 
> With Craziness,  
> Akrximay

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

Chapter 14-

“Kakashi?” I mumbled out quietly as I felt a hand rubbing gently on my back. The only person I knew with such a habit was my lover and I was sort of confused as to why I was feeling it now because I clearly remember going into hiding earlier that morning.

I slowly blinked my eyes open and found myself face to face with the man, well more like face to thigh since he was kneeling over me.

“Hey babe, I’ve been looking for you. Tsunade is going crazy over every little thing and she needs you to be there,” he said in a quiet voice, trying not to be too loud while I was waking up. He looked at my face with a critical look and tilted his head to the side slightly as if trying to figure something out.

“Are you alright? You don’t look okay,” he asked after a few seconds of staring, moving his hand from my back to slide on the back of my neck. His hand stopped there for a few seconds, squeezing lightly before moving higher to press against my forehead.

I felt my already flushed cheeks heat up even more with the feeling of Kakashi's cool fingertips on my heated skin. I was having a very nice dreaming featuring the man that was touching me at the moment and was happy with the attention and love from him, but right now I just wanted to disappear.

I was thankful that I fell asleep on my stomach because if Kakashi had seen my situation the teasing would be too much for me, I don’t think I could handle it today. Baa-chan and Oji-san were going fucking berserker mode with all the preparations and the only thing that kept me from calling the whole thing off was Kakashi’s reminding me that it’s what I’ve been working for my whole life.

His presence eased every ache and pain in my heart, like the missing warmth from a mom's hug or the swell of pride that came with a pat on the head from a dad. He was everything I ever wanted and need but he loved teasing me to death and right now I just wanted to be spoiled damn it.

"Yeah love, I'm fine," I told him convincingly. I shifted my weight up onto my elbows and nuzzled my face into his hand. His fingers moved to tickle the edges of my hair and his hand caressed my cheek lovingly with just the right amount of force to have both Kurama and me rubbing into his palm for more attention.

"Naruto you're burning up, we should go see Tsunade, she can have a look at you while she goes over what is happening during the ceremony today," the older ninja told me as he moved to stand. He extended his hand down to help me up but there was no way I was going to be moving anytime some.

It seemed like this situation happened too often for my liking, remembering that just a couple of months ago something similar happened. Kakashi tilted his head again, his eyebrows scrunching in on themselves at my refusal to move to which he gave a sigh and crouched down again next to me to be at a closer eye level.

"Naruto," the man started in the tone of voice that meant he was going to get his way in the end.

"’Kashi I just need to sleep some more, you know I haven’t slept lately. Tell Baa-chan that I'll go see what she needs in a little while," I told him trying to sound as sleepy and sweet as possible while laying my head back down on my crossed arms and closed my eyes again hoping that he’d believe my excuse and leave for now. I just needed a little while for my issue to go away or take care of it if I had to.

It was true that I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, mainly because I was basically absorbing everyone else’s stress over the last couple of weeks. Honestly, these fucking people need to learn to relax, we all knew Baa-chan couldn’t keep going forever. Everyone knew that this was going to happen but for some reason, they were making a molehill look like a mother fucking mountain.

I could feel Kakashi’s presence still hovering over me and I tried not to react to the man, hoping that he’d finish making his decision. I guess he made up his mind as he stood up and I could hear him shift his weight, thankful that he was going to come back later. A surprised yelp left me, and my eyes shot open in surprise as I felt Kakashi’s weight settle onto my back.

"Wha-?” the word partially left my mouth as I jumped. I heard Kakashi laugh as he leaned his weight forward, his hands coming into view on either side of my elbows.

“Why are you trying to stall Naru?” he asked me. His lips brushed the very edges of my ear and his hot breath sent a shiver down my spine, my cock twitching in interest.

My eyes shut and I bit my lip in an effort to keep myself in control. He was testing me, a little game he liked to play and one I was starting to learn the rules to. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a few seconds to try and think up what the fuck to say, in the end, I didn’t need the words at all.

“Did you not want me to notice that you were dreaming about me?” he asked, his teeth tugging at my ear gently. Air forced its way out of my lungs without me wanting it to and I felt a pang of arousal run through me. He’d won the game before I even knew it started and he was definitely teasing me, not the way I thought he would, but this way was very welcomed.

I felt his thighs squeeze on either side of my hips and he rolled his hips right where I was starting to ache for his touch.

“Did you know you moan just as sweet when you’re dreaming as when I’m inside you?” he asked, though I’m positive he didn’t expect me to reply since he leaned back and ran his hand down the length of my back, distracting me from the words he’d just said.

“Is that why you don’t want to get up? Did you not want me to see you having a wet dream?” he questioned all movement from the man stopping.

So much for wanting for my hard-on to go away by itself, this man was a demon and it was now pressing tight against my pant because of him. It was starting to get painful too since I was pinned under Kakashi’s body weight to the ground. My hips jerked towards the silver-haired man, trying to get a little closer to his heat and to alleviate the pressure on my front.

“Hm Naruto?” he prompted me, obviously wanting an answer now and I couldn’t get out of this one now.

“I didn’t want you to tease me for having a wet dream,” I told him, my forehead still pressed to my forearms, embarrassed at having to admit the fact.

I felt Kakashi get off and flipped me over as he sat back on his knees, a worried look across his face now as he pulled my chin up to look him in the eyes. My chest stuttered at the look he was giving me and I felt guilty for saying anything at all since we were going in a very good direction, the mood was gone now.

“I didn’t think I gave you the impression that I’d tease you for wanting to have sex,” he said sadly, his eyes scanning my face until they landed on my lips and back to look me in the eyes. I leaned up, pulling his mask down and kissed him, hoping to get that sad look off his face.

“You don’t, I’m just being stupid because I’m nervous,” I told him honestly. He didn’t deserve me being a whiny brat, especially when he was being so sweet. He looked relieved at hearing the words and lifted his hand to rub at my cheek again and I instantly started nuzzling into it, loving the feel of his rough hand on my face.

“Good, I don’t want to ever make you feel like you can’t come to me or like you have to hide from me,” he said and I could only smile at him and let him know that it wouldn’t happen.

He kissed me again, wrapping his arms around my waist this time and I responded with wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulled me up into his lap and I remembered immediately that my issue still hadn’t gone away.

“’Kashi, can we?” I asked him as he pulled away. I could see the small grin pull at his lips and he moved his lips down to meet my jaw. He slowly started to pull at my orange jacket, rolled up sleeves catching at my elbows, and needed a few tugs to slide off completely. The weather was in that weird in-between hot fall weather and the beginnings of winter’s coldness, so it was mostly nice with the occasional cold breeze that came through. It was hot enough during the days to not wear a shirt under the jacket and I was happy that the only thing Kakashi had to do was toss my jacket next to us to have his hands running down my chest as I moved to straddle his lap completely.

“We have to be quick Naru, you have important things to do today,” he said, blowing on the trail of saliva left with the kisses and suckling he’d done down my neck.

“Then hurry up,” I told him, already unbuttoning my pants and reaching for his. I felt his hand slide down the back of my pants, his long, thin fingers sliding between my cheeks that had me pushing my hips back seeking more of that touch.

We’d had plenty of time to flip between who was top and bottom and I honestly couldn’t say which way I liked Kakashi better, moaning as I pressed my cock into him or over me as I moaned his name. Right now though, I wanted to ride him hard and fast.

He plunged one of his fingers into my entrance with little warning and I sucked in a breath as my hips stuttered not knowing whether to press them back onto his finger or forward to rub our cocks together. The question of when he’d slicked his fingers up left my head as he peppered kisses down my neck and sucked light marks into my skin. I loved that he marked me, it turned me on to no end. Soon one finger became two and soon three as I rode his fingers harder, impatient to reach my orgasm that I’d been chasing from my dreams.

He grabbed the back of my neck roughly and pulled me into an aggressive kiss, his controlling and demanding side scorching hot. The moans didn’t stop tumbling from my mouth and only got louder as he positioned me right over his cock, the command very clear even without words. I sat myself on his dick, sinking until I could feel his hot balls pressed against my ass cheeks and couldn’t help as I rocked my hips back and forth.

The feeling of him filling me up left me with my mouth hanging open, giving Kakashi plenty of opportunity to assault my mouth with his tongue and lips. He smacked my ass, more sound than force, telling me to move without words. The action had me groaning in pleasure, not knowing before Kakashi showed me that a bit of pain was the way to get the best of pleasures.

I quickly lifted myself onto my knees and dropped back down onto him with all my weight to feel his cock fill me to the brim once again, the rubbing of him against my walls something I couldn’t capture in my dreams. My movement was fervent as I bounced up and down on Kakashi, his hands and mouth driving me crazy as I chased our end.

My legs started to shake and give out as I cried out, hands coming up to hold onto Kakashi’s shoulders to try and keep going.

“Kakashi!” I called out with my head thrown back in ecstasy as the man bucked his hips just as I was coming down full force. We continued like that for I don’t know how long, the man meeting my hip with harsh, hard thrusts.

His hands finally came to hold onto my hips to helps me keep my weight up, holding me as we met and ground our hips in circular motions before using his strength to help me back up only to repeat the action.

I couldn’t move very well anymore, my legs tired and my mind mush from the pleasure, Kakashi doing most of the work now and the man decided he would take mercy on me. One hand came up to pump my member with smooth, even strokes while he slowed the pace of his thrusts. I whined at the change and the new pleasure on my dick but what made me lose my mind was when he pressed two fingers into my hole along with his cock on the next thrust in.

The fingers curled to press and rub mercilessly on my prostate while he continued thrusting into me, his hand not once stopping his strokes.

“Fuck Naruto, you’re so sexy taking my cock like that. You love when I’m balls deep,” he groaned, his lips pressed tight to my ear as he spoke. A moan fell from my lips as I let Kakashi do what he wanted.

“Are you going to come while riding me Naru?” he asked in a deep voice. That thought didn't sound too bad. It didn't sound bad, at all. I nodded my head as I wrapped my legs tight around his waist, since he was the one lifting me anyways, and opened my eyes to see the look on his face. Grey and red eyes were dark with lust and pleasure while his face was flushed with heat. There was sweat trickling down his temple while his muscles bunched and jumped when he moved me up and down on his cock, the veins in his neck and arms bulging out.

“Fuuuuuck Kakashi,” I groaned out as I shut my eyes again. I couldn’t hold my orgasm back anymore as the man attacked my prostate with both his fingers and cock. I came with a loud cry, my legs tightening, and my hole clenched around Kakashi’s thick cock.

The man gave a few more even thrusts before he came too, his head falling into the crook of my neck as he stilled our movement, both of us trying to catch our breath. I was boneless as I sat there in Kakashi’s arms, the man’s strength the only thing keeping me upright at the moment.

After a few thundering heartbeats, Kakashi lifted his head and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips as he helped me off of him.

“Don’t ever feel embarrassed to ask me for sex. Whatever it is you want, I’ll give it to you,” the silver-haired man said. I smiled at him, knowing he meant that I could ask him for anything I needed not just sex. I nodded to him to let him know I understood, still not able to form actual words, and just leaned against the man as he wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders.

"Now let’s go get cleaned up, you are going to see Tsunade whether you like it or not. Today you are becoming Hokage, so don't start neglecting your duties from now" Kakashi told me with a paralyzing look that meant business, maybe it was a mistake making him my right-hand man, he was perfect for it since he had been the sixth Hokage for a short while, but he wasn’t going to cut me any slack.

"Alright 'Kashi, I got iiiiit," I whined, pushing a hand through my golden locks and the silver-haired ninja stood up and helped me stand. I looked away and whined as he helped dress me after cleaning up our mess, not able to stop fidgeting as another flush started to spread across my face.

"Naruto look at me," Kakashi said in a slightly teasing voice. When both sets of eyes connected Kakashi smiled at me and kissed me with just the slightest bit of heat.

"Calm down, everything is going to be fine, and I'm always here for you," The silver-haired nin told me, pulling me into a reassuring hug that really did calm all my nervous energy from earlier.

"I know you're right, it's just, I don't know everyone is getting to me. I still want to be me even after I’m Hokage," I replied, leaning my forehead on Kakashi's shoulder as we stood there for a few moments, just listening to the other breath and the sound of the waterfall behind us.

"If anyone ever tries to make you change, I will take care of them personally,” the man said seriously, his grip on me tightening. I laughed out loud at that, not sure why I found it funny but glad to know he was always going to have my back.

“Yeah, yeah, lets going before Baa-chan comes looking for us,” I told him before tugging on his hand lightly to get him moving. He had a pout on his face before he pulled his mask back up and went to grab my jacket and his shirt that was sent flying earlier.

It was a couple of hours and a shower later that I was hiding behind one of the pillars leading to where the ceremony was being held. I was fine until just a few minutes ago, the second Kakashi left my side to go stand next to Jii-san in front of the gathering of people is when my heart started to pound.

Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. It was what I wanted since I could remember, but it was just a way for me to forget about everything else around me, it was something for me to focus on. Over the years the reason why I wanted to be Hokage changed, but in the end, it was always a way for me to be useful, but I already found that in Kakashi. He made sure to remind me that I was needed every day, so is this what I really wanted?

“Naruto,” I heard a squeaky voice call up to me. I looked around to find it coming from a small trail of sand at my feet and knelt to get a closer look at it. The sand formed a small tanuki and waited patiently as I figured out that it was Gaara talking to me, I offered my hand to the little sand figurine and it hopped onto my palm easily.

“Gaara?” I asked even though I was sure it was the man talking through the sand. The little tanuki gave me a look that clearly said he thought I was stupid but answered me anyway.

“Hi Naru,” the little tanuki said and waited for me to respond.

“Gaara what are you doing?” I asked him in a whisper. It was an unspoken rule that none of the outside visitors could use their powers inside of Konoha’s walls, especially the Kage. I trusted Gaara one hundred percent but some of the ninja in the village couldn’t let go of the fighting between villages in the past, they were waiting for any excuse to get them out of the village.

“Making sure you don’t chicken out,” Gaara’s tiny voice came through the tanuki. The sight and sound and Gaara’s choice of words didn’t match the man’s usually serious attitude and made me laugh. Who would have thought that Gaara would be telling me to not chicken out on doing something? The little tanuki looked annoyed at my laughing and just waited until I was done to say anything.

“Are you finished?” he asked and I nodded my head at the question, catching my breath and watched the sand figurine.

“I figured you would start doubting yourself because I did the same thing,” Gaara said. I felt my eyes glaze out on the little tanuki as it started to scratch behind its ear, sand flying at my chest.

“You’ll be fine Naruto, if my village took me as their leader then everyone here in Konohana must have been waiting for you. Now please hurry Bee-san and Mei-san look like their ready to tear each other’s heads off,” Gaara told me with worry in his tone. It was only made funnier when I heard Bee’s muffled voice from here.

I shook my head and dropped the little tanuki from my hand, the figurine bursting into loose sand once again and I stepped out from behind the pillar I was hiding by. Gaara was right. There was no reason to be so fucking nervous, I’ll just go out there say a few things and then we can eat, I was starving.

So, I took a deep breath and made my way over to the balcony entrance where Baa-chan, Jii-san, and Kakashi were waiting for me. I walked out without thinking about it too much because if I did I definitely wouldn’t, and suddenly I was standing in front of what felt like the whole fucking ninja nation. In the very front I could see the other four Kage along with all the people they had to bring, and scattered around the tons of people I could see my friend’s faces.

Baa-chan was standing to my left with Jii-san standing next to her, the look on both their faces was something I’d never seen before or after I was able to meet my parents. I had to swallow to keep my emotions in check while looking at them, I turned to my other side to see Kakashi looking at me with a satisfied smile.

Shizune was the one who was chosen to do all the proceedings since all of our elders were killed during the attack on the village, a sad thing but maybe a better turn for the future of the village. So Shizune addressed the gathered people starting with how she was stepping down from her position as the Hokage’s right-hand person and how Kakashi would be taking her place in the position.

There was applause from the crowd and whooping from Kakashi’s friends, the Anbu making a colorful display of harmless gengustu in the air above the arena to show their support for their old teammate. When Shizune got the crowd to settle down a bit she continued with how Jii-san was appointed to become one of the new elders of the village, he protested that he wasn’t that old yet and had everyone laughing and Shizune wanted to choke the man with how he was stalling her ceremony.

Finally, Shizune announced that Baa-chan would be stepping down from her role as Hokage. Baa-chan went front and center to address the village and all the visiting ninja telling them about her journey as a ninja growing up in the Leaf village and how her experience being Hokage in the village helped her to see the light that was in people again. She announced her stepping down again and told everyone that she was going to also become one of the elders of the village. She reminded everyone that they better not comment on her age and that everything would be okay. After a few nervous chuckles from the crowd, Baa-chan moved on to how she’d decided on who was going to take up the responsibility of leading the village, a rant that’s only purpose was hyping me up in ways that just made me want to crawl into a hole. Stupid granny was embarrassing me on purpose.

"Now the new Hokage is going to say a few words,” Baa-chan wrapped up and the crowd gave a huge round of applause, happy to hear her words or just happy that she stopped talking I didn’t know which.

I took a huge gulp of air and passed Baa-chan on the way to the front of the balcony, she bumped her shoulder with mine and gave me a big grin that was pretty out of character for her. I faced the crowd again and would rather be fighting in the war all over again than having to figure out what the fuck to say.

“Well I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say besides that I’m going to be the Hokage from now on,” I started and heard a few snorts from behind me and a few coming from the crowd itself. I threw an annoyed glare back at Jii-san and was happy when Baa-chan elbowed the man hard in the ribs, the disbelieving shaking of heads broke out through the crowd and I was more at ease with the less formal atmosphere.

“I guess, I’ll promise to protect the village and every person in it. That includes the people that helped me get here and keep me going,” I told them from the bottom of my heart, my eyes glancing over to Kakashi without my meaning to as I finished the phrase. The man smiled and turned his gaze away trying to hide his embarrassment from me.

“Now can we get to the food? I’m starving!” I said and heard everyone agree. I smiled and couldn’t help the laugh that spilled from my lips as Baa-chan shoved the hat on my head with a lot more force then she needed to.

“Brat, that’s not how an acceptance speech goes!” she grouched at me before letting me go. Kakashi wrapped his arms around my neck and fastened the cloak, to show that I was officially the Hokage now.

It was a couple of hours later and I could feel all the alcohol getting to me. Everyone was so happy and chattering their heads off, especially my friends and people that knew just how hard I worked to get here.

I’d been caught by Mei-san earlier and she congratulated me to no end. She was already tipsy as she practically hung off me, her husband, Ao-san was glaring daggers at me but I tried to ignore him since Kakashi was glaring back at him just as hard. I remembered him back from the wedding and wasn’t sure what the problem he had with Kakashi was but I decided to ignore that for the moment too.

“Naruto-kun I’m so happy for you!” Mei-san said again, and I laughed at her antics as she swiped another drink from a tray someone was walking by with.

“Mei-san, you already told me that you’re so happy to be working with me from now on!” I told her with a stupid grin on my face. I was much happier now that all that pointless stress was gone and the fact that I made my dreams come true was starting to hit me.

“Not that!” Mei whined and pulled on my arm as she leaned away from me, her head landing on Ao’s shoulder and the man stopped his ugly frown to smile at the woman.

“I’m so happy for you and Kakashi! He’s my good friend and I’m sooooooo glad you came to save us,” she said with childish glee to her tone. I turned to see Kakashi and just knew the man was blushing at her words under his mask and was happy to know that he was glad I saved us too.

“He’s your good friend?” I repeated, interested to know the details of that. I wasn’t jealous or anything, maybe a little bit, but it was funny to think that the people that were almost forced into being miserable the rest of their lives together would become friends so fast.

“Yes! I respected him a lot before we even met and then we fought in the war and I knew all the rumors weren’t lies~” she started chattering on about how awesome Kakashi’s reputation was.

“Then we met in my village and I knew right away that we’d be friends even though I felt he would be a dangerous lover and enemy for me,” she went from a happy tone to a pensive one and I had to focus my attention on her to keep up with her train of thought while both Ao and Kakashi turned to watch us, very interested in the conversation now.

“Why do you say that?” Kakashi interrupted and I turned back to Mei to hear her respond. She clutched onto my arm much harder than before with an annoyed pout on her lips directed straight at Kakashi.

“You’re too good at your job! Being so good at deception from being a ninja is no fair! I was scared I was going to end up hating you the rest of my life,” Mei said sadly. She pulled herself back into my side and I noticed how small she actually was when she wilted into my side like a drooping flower.

“I would never use my skill on people who don’t deserve it Mei-san,” Kakashi told her sincerely. It was a good thing both Ao and Kakashi were sober to be able to steer both Mei and me in a positive direction, both her and I had plenty of darker paths to go down when drunk.

“I knew that after we talked. You’re honorable and would have never used it against me. You’re a good man Kakashi, I was glad that if I had to leave Ao, that I was going to be with another good man,” she said with a strange fondness in her tone. I looked down to glare lightly at her out of pure jealousy even if she was talking only good things about Kakashi.

When I looked though she was staring directly into Ao-san’s eyes and the small adoring smile that was spread across her face told the whole story.

“I am happy that we ended up with the people we wanted to be with,” she said finally. Letting go of my arm she leaned into Ao’s side and I could tell she was grateful to the bottom of her heart.

“Naruto!” I heard someone yell just before I felt someone crashing into my back. Lee’s arm was wrapped around my shoulders as he pulled me up from my seat.

“Sakura was telling us how you crashed the wedding as the Kyuubi! Are you able to transform freely into him?” Lee’s hyper voice boomed in my ear as he dragged me over to the group of my friends that were still drinking but not as sloshed as me.

“Sakuraaaaaaa,” I whined as Lee pushed me down into the seat next to Kiba and Hinata. Sakura rolled her eyes at my whining and told me to get on with the explanation since they had a bet running on how it worked.

“Kyuubi can transform into a lot of forms though, me being able to transform into him isn’t that surprising,” I managed not to slur my sentence, though after I finished I saw Ino switch my drink out with water.

“He can?” Hinata asked curiously and I just nodded as I heard them all shoot off a bunch more questions at the same time. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, not sure which question to answer first.

“How do you know that Naru?” Tenten asked when everyone settled down for a second. I turned to look at her as she sat with her floor-length dress dangling between her crossed legs that showed from the side slits of the dress. Her hair was loose and I could barely make out Choji twirling the ends of it through his fingers.

“Kyuubi told me,” I answered simply. The water in my hand found its way to my lips and I was thankful to Ino for switching it out.

I learned a long time ago that Kurama had a human form and had been living life to the fullest even having a few kids way before any kind of actual civilization was made. It wasn’t until people’s hate and greed grew when more and more people came around that Kurama’s form and purpose started to change. Believe it or not, he was originally a good fortune deity to the land before corruption made him change.

I told everyone as much and they kept shooting off questions about the fox which only made him preen inside me. I rolled my eyes at him and told them to ask the fucker later, they got the hint and changed the subject.

Eventually, after I’d sobered up a bit, I went looking for Kakashi, hoping he was ready to go home now since I was starting to feel pretty tired. When I finally found him, he was sitting below a tree just people-watching at this point. I just stood quietly watching him as his gaze swung back and forth, focusing on different people, the occasional smile flashing briefly across his face when he found something amusing.

"Stop being so melodramatic and come sit with me," Kakashi’s calm voice, which was laced with amusement, reached me as he turned to focus on me. I smiled and headed right for the man, words already on my lips.

"But it isn't any fun when I'm not being dramatic," I said, sauntering to a stop right in front of him.

His eyes gave me a slow once over, the mismatched orbs practically undressing me as I stood above him. To tease him a bit, and purely because I wanted to and could, I quickly dropped to my knees to straddle his lap exactly how I had earlier in the day. His eyes twinkled with amusement and another familiar emotion and I couldn’t help the giddy feeling that traveled through me. I loved when he watched me with both his eyes since it felt like he was finally seeing me as a whole, but it took forever to convince him to stop covering his sharingan eye.

He tried to give me the bullshit that it took up his chakra, but both of us knew that wasn't true, he was just embarrassed and wanted to hide the fact that he messed up and needed help. I loved seeing it though, and after a very long night of me convincing him that he and his eyes were perfect, he stopped covering it.

"Hello to you too Naru," He greeted me, wrapping his arms around my waist and I could tell a grin was firmly set on his lips. I grinned, returning Kakashi's hug and pressed my lips to his neck as my head rested on his shoulder while he leaned further into the tree, adjusting himself to make me more comfortable on his lap.

“You know I just passed Jii-san proposing to Baa-chan,” I told him excitedly.

"That's great news, when is the wedding?" came the question with a raise of his pale eyebrow. Another grin pulled at my lips as I thought back to granny's response, I tried controlling my laughter before finishing my thought.

"Who knows, she said no," I managed to get out without bursting out into laughter. At the confused look I received I couldn’t hold it anymore and I laughed long and loud, completely amused by the entire situation and even was shaking in Kakashi’s hold from how hard I was laughing.

"It looks like they are going out though. I guess Baa-chan wants to take things slow, plus I don’t think it helped that Jii-san is pretty drunk," I finished the news to calm him and he shook his head, also laughing.

I loved to hear him laugh, especially now that I hear it so often. He looked up at me with happiness shining in his eyes and I was glad to be the one to bring it to him.

"Well, that's a good thing, and now she’ll have a lot more time to focus on that,” he said knowingly and I knew what he was getting at. I took my time to respond, and it didn't seem that Kakashi minded much as he waited patiently, rubbing circles into my hips.

I thought about the time from when I first entered the shinobi academy to the end of the war. Thinking about how I helped rebuild the village in all the chaos and confusion and how I helped ease the hearts of those hurting and the ones that needed a shoulder to cry on.

Things are different from when I was a kid. Back then no one wanted anything to do with me or even spared a second glance at me after they knew who I was and how much of a 'demon' I was. Then I moved onto when I started making friends and I met Kakashi for the first time, and how I knew that I would just try to win the hearts of those who hated me.

Maybe that was the point that really decided the moment of me becoming Hokage. I could have ended up bitter and filled with hatred, but I stayed on the right path with friends and mentors guiding me.

"That’s true, she doesn’t have to deal with all the stress of being Hokage anymore. I’m ready to start this part of my life, but I’m nervous and scared," I finally answered him quietly. My eyes redirecting their gaze to look back into his, and the way the flickering firelight was catching his hair and brightened the glint in his eyes had me wanting to hold my breath.

“You’ll be great, and I’ll always be here to help you,” he said confidently. I smiled again as I leaned my forehead to his own and his fingers went to making soothing circles on my back instead.

"I love you Kakashi." I told him again in the same quiet voice. I just wanted to tell him every time I saw him, and I didn't want him to forget that.

Before I knew what was going on Kakashi held me in his arms and we were in front of our new apartment. He unlocked the door quickly and pushed me up against the door as it closed behind us.

He boxed me in, making sure I couldn't get away and he leaned in close, the heady look in his eyes quickly sent a spike of pleasure running through my body and I could already feel my blood begin to pool in my groin.

I let a charming grin fall on my lips and allowing a saucy look to rein in my eyes, knowing it drove him insane. It looked like he was still in the mood to take the lead and I wasn't complaining at all when he captured my lips again and we had a fight for dominance which he eventually won. He pressed his knee between my legs, my name falling from his lips and it sent a shiver down my spine.

“Kakashi,”


End file.
